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“I’m bored.”
“We just played Uno for two hours, how on earth are you bored?” Rhodey asked.
“Because we are not currently playing Uno or doing anything.”
Natasha came in from the kitchen and handed Clint one of the two beers she was holding. “What do you suggest we do since you are the one whining about it?”
“And you can’t say Mario Kart. I’m not patching up any more holes in my wall,” added Tony.
Clint looked down at the beer in his hand and then looked up with an evil grin on his face. “Let’s play a drinking game.”
There was a moment of silence but then people were nodding in agreement. Everyone got up and grabbed something to drink before sitting in a circle throughout Tony’s living room. The people playing were Tony, Clint, Natasha, Rhodey, Steve, Thor, Bruce, Pepper, Maria, Wanda and Loki.
“Never have I ever?” suggested Tony.
There was a chorus of “sure” from everyone before Steve half raised his hand and said, “How do you play?”
Natasha began to explain. “We will go around in the circle and someone will say ‘never have I ever…’ and then something they have not done. If you have done that thing, you have to take a drink.”
“For example,” Clint cut in, “Never have I ever had superpowers.”
“Then everyone in the room who is enhanced in some way, would take a drink and people who have never had superpowers would not drink. Makes sense?” Natasha asked. When everyone nodded, she began. “Never have I ever had the flu.”
Nearly everyone took a sip of their drink except the Asgardians, because apparently the flu is not a thing over there.
“Since Clint is next to me, he will go next and we will continue in a circle.”
Clint nodded before repeating his example. “Never have I ever had superpowers.”
Steve, Wanda, and Bruce all took a sip of their drinks.
“Do me and my brother count as ‘enhanced?’” Loki asked.
“By Earthly standards, absolutely,” Tony said with a grin. It had been so long since he’d been drunk and he was also excited to see how all of his friends acted while drunk.
Maria was next. “Never have I ever been to California.”
Tony took this as a personal offense. After drinking, along with Rhodey, Pepper and Natasha, he told JARVIS to remind him to book Maria a nice vacation in California sometime.
“Never have I ever been late to a meeting,” Pepper said. Tony also saw this as an attack on his pride, but he drank anyways.
“Booooo! You guys are boring. Spice things up a bit, I’m trying to get drunk over here!” complained Clint.
Rhodey happily obliged. “Never have I ever kissed someone of the same gender as myself.”
Tony took a drink from his cup, as did Loki, Wanda, and to everyone’s surprise, Steve. He help up his hands in defense, “I’m just trying to be honest here.”
“Never have I ever been to church,” Tony said with enough pride to make Steve upset.
Nearly everyone drank except Loki and Thor who asked, “What is ‘church?’”
“Don’t worry about it,” said Rhodey before Steve could even open his mouth.
Bruce was next. “Never have I ever fallen in love.”
Natasha was the only one who didn’t drink that time and the room got somber for a few beats before Wanda spoke up and said “Never have I ever slept with someone of the opposite gender.”
To no one’s surprise, Steve didn’t touch his drink. He was the only one, however.
“Never have I ever paid someone for sex,” said Steve.
Tony was the only one to drink, something he was not terribly proud of. Everyone knew of his playboy past however, and knew better than to judge him too harshly. To Steve’s left was Thor who boomed out, “Never have I ever watched this thing you midguardians call porn!”
Everyone was guilty of that one and avoided eye contact with the people around them as they drank.
Loki went next. “Never have I ever given a blow job.”
Natasha, Pepper, Maria, Steve and Tony all drank.
“Is our prince too posh to get on his knees?” asked Clint, who was promptly smacked by the two people next to him. Loki threw a nearby pillow which nearly knocked over Clint’s drink.
“Break it up. No fighting and no picking fights,” Natasha reprimanded, “We want people to feel welcome enough to be honest.” Having made it all the way around the circle, Natasha went again. “Never have I ever received a blow job.”
All the males in the room drank.
Clint said, “Never have I ever had sex while drunk.”
Steve finished his cup and went to the kitchen to get a refill. Tony called after him, “The super soldier stuff is on top of the fridge!” Then, he lowered his voice and addressed the group, “Apparently Steve is not the innocent virgin we all thought him to be.”
Simultaneously, Pepper and Rhodey leaned over to smack him. “Tony! Don’t be so judgmental,” Pepper reprimanded.
“Remember that I knew you in college,” Rhodey added, “You are absolutely not one to talk.”
Once Steve had sat back down, it was Maria’s turn. “Never have I ever had sex on a first date.”
Steve, Tony and Wanda all took a sip. Tony gave Steve a strange look but it went unnoticed.
“Never have I ever been late to a work meeting due to sex.” Pepper looked Tony dead in the eyes as she spoke and as he drank. Steve also drank, as did Loki.
“That one felt targeted,” said Clint to relieve some of the tension in the room.
Rhodey was up next and said, “Never have I ever had phone sex with someone.”
Nearly everyone in the room drank save for Thor, Loki, and Natasha.
“Never have I ever cum in my pants,” said Tony with maybe too much pride.
Steve, Bruce, and Wanda all took a sip.
“Never have I ever orgasmed more than once during sex,” said Bruce.
“What sort of time frame are we talking about here?” asked Tony, “Like twice at once or are we factoring in recovery time?”
Bruce seemed to melt under the attention. “Uhhh, I meant like more than once in like a ‘session’ so to speak. Like the next time I came, was a whole other sexual event.”
Tony nodded and he took a sip from his cup as did Pepper, Wanda, Nat, Maria, Steve, and Loki.
Wanda took a second to come up with something to say but then said, “Never have I ever had sex while high.”
To no one’s surprise, Tony took a big gulp from his cup. To everyone’s surprise, Steve also took a drink.
“Uhhhh, Steve, buddy. Care to elaborate?” Clint asked.
In lieu of a reply, Steve took another big gulp from his cup, draining it again. “I need another. Anyone else want a refill?”
Several people handed their cup to Steve who went to the kitchen.
“Alrighty,” Clint dramatically swung his legs forward and set his hands on the coffee table, “So we are learning some new things about our buddy Steve tonight. Who wants to change the nature of the game a little bit? I say that we all start saying kinkier things to see how far our innocent Captain has gone.”
Nat laughed. “That’s evil, Clint. I’m in.”
Everyone else nodded in agreement.
Steve walked back in and passed people their drinks. “Who’s turn is it?”
“Yours,” said Clint.
“Never have I ever had sex with a Loki clone.”
There was a pause as everyone took in his words.
“You mean Loki?” asked Rhodey.
“Or anyone of his clones.”
“Why on earth did you feel the need to specify that?” came a worried Maria.
Steve seemed to be slightly confused as to why he had to defend his word choice. “Because If I just said Loki, then he is automatically not considered for the question since you can’t have sex with yourself. But we know of the multiverse and everything now so it would theoretically be possible to have sex with a clone of yourself.”
Tony hummed in thought, “Okay, but why Loki out of all of us?”
Steve shrugged again. “You guys are the reason I drink.”
In all the confusion, no one seemed to have noticed Loki took a sip from his drink.
“I believe it is my turn,” said Thor, “Never have I ever had sex in someone else’s bed.”
“A bed belonging to someone not involved, right?” clarified Clint.
“Right.”
Once again, everyone was shocked to see Steve take a sip. Tony and Loki also drank.
For his turn, Loki said, “Never have I ever had sex in the 69 position.”
Steve and Tony were the only two to take a sip, Tony looking almost concerned at his friend.
“Never have I ever gotten off on having my hair pulled,” said Nat.
Thor, Loki, Pepper, and Steve all took a sip.
“Never have I ever gotten off on tying someone down.” Was Clint’s turn and “Never have I ever gotten off on being tied down.” was Maria’s.
Various people drank for both situations but notably, Steve and Tony drank for both.
Pepper must have been a little tipsy because her usual filter was gone and she said, “Never have I ever been walked in on during sex.”
The majority of the people in the room could relate to having been caught at one time. Steve, Tony, Rhodey, Maria, Clint, Wanda, and Loki all took a sip.
“Never have I ever had a threesome,” said Rhodey.
Tony took a sip of his drink but nearly spit it back out when he saw Steve reach for his glass. “I’m sorry WHAT?”
“What, Tony?” asked Thor. He was the only one who looked confused however, as everyone else seemed to be staring at Steve with the same look of astonishment on their face.
“YOU have had a threesome? I need an explanation, like now,” demanded Tony.
“Not that you owe us anything, Cap, but I think that makes like ten of us who want to hear the story there,” added Cint.
“Which story?” asked Steve.
“The one where-“ Tony stopped speaking abruptly as he took in the meaning of Steve’s not-so-innocent question. “You little whore.”
Everyone burst out laughing except for Steve who went red. He took another drink. “I thought that the rules of this game were that you had to drink if you had done the thing, not that you had to explain every drink you took.”
“He’s got a point,” said Nat.
“My turn,” said Tony, “Never have I ever been paid for sex.”
The room went silent and you could practically hear the crickets in the background as everyone watched Steve slowly take a drink from his cup.
“Dude, WHAT??” Tony practically screamed.
“Tony! Calm down,” Pepper reprimanded.
Bruce was next. “Never have I ever had a one night stand.”
Everyone looked at Steve expectantly, but he didn’t touch his cup. Neither did anyone else, as their focus switched from getting drunk, to learning more about Mr. Captain America.
“So, you are big into commitment, huh?” remarked Clint.
“One relationship my whole life.”
Wanda spoke up, “Never have I ever had sex in an alley.”
Steve seemed to throw caution to the wind and took a swig with a grin on his face. “If we are really going to be doing this, I need something stronger than beer, even if it is for super soldiers.”
Clint cheered as he stood and went to the kitchen to refill Steve’s drink.
“Never have I ever had sex on a first date,” boomed Thor.
Steve paused, drink halfway to his mouth, “Does it count if we first slept together before the first official date?”
“Oh ho ho. We can all drink to that.” Clint raised his glass with a big drunk grin on his face.
“Never have I ever used a toy during sex,” was Loki’s turn and Maria said, “Never have I ever used a toy by myself.”
Everyone watched Steve down two shots like a pro. Tony’s eyes got really wide.
“Never have I ever done roleplay.”
“Never have I ever had unprotected sex.”
“Never have I ever had shower sex.”
Steve drank for every single one.
“Alright,” Rhodey cut in, “time to ramp this up a notch. Never have I ever orgasmed in a public bathroom.”
“Never have I ever participated in an orgy.”
“Never have I ever orgasmed in a movie theatre.”
“Steve. What. The. Actual. F-“
“Tony! Leave him alone, or he’ll stop answering honestly,” Wanda exclaimed. “We all want to see how this ends, so stop harassing him.”
“I got one, never have I ever needed a safeword,” Said Nat.
“Been there, done that.” Steve continued to drink to every suggestion thrown at him.
“Spanking?”
“Whipping?”
“Wax play?”
Steve was starting to laugh as he continued to sip his drink. He was going to be so hung over tomorrow but it was worth it for the looks on his friends faces.
“Hang on,” said Pepper, “how much of this happened before the freeze? Never have I every had sex in a lab.”
Steve drank.
“Better not have been one of my labs!” Said Tony furiously.
“But you can’t even say that you haven’t had sex in one of your labs because that is probably not true,” retorted Steve.
Rhodey burst out laughing. “He’s got you there. But I can say that. Never have I ever had sex in one of the labs in this building.”
Steve flushed slightly but drank none the less.
“WITH WHO?” Tony exclaimed. “I need to know. JAR- no wait, I do not want to ever have to watch that footage. I can’t- in MY lab- Steve I-“
Everyone laughed at the speechless Tony. “Don’t think to hard about it, honey.” Pepper patted his back reassuringly. The group fell into silence as they tried to think about new and exciting questions for Steve.
“Never have I ever used sex as a punishment,” suggested Thor.
“Received sex as a punishment or given it?”
“Received,” said Wanda at the same time Loki said, “Given.”
Steve took two drinks in lieu of answering, which make Tony whoop with excitement. “I have another one. Never have I ever used a sex toy in public.”
“In public?” asked Bruce, “People do that?”
Nat nodded. “Yeah, like butt plugs or vibrators and such. People wear them under their clothes and stuff. It makes the sex life a little more exciting.”
“And apparently our Steve chases this excitement,” said Tony in response to Steve taking another drink.
“Wait, hold up.” Clint stood up dramatically and made sure he had everyone’s attention. “Never have I ever…”
Nat threw an empty can at him. “Get on with it already.”
“Never have I ever warn a sex toy under my suit during a mission and had really hot sex once we got back.”
There was a dramatic pause as everyone looked expectantly at Steve, before he could answer there was a noise in the kitchen and everyone looked up to see Bucky walk in.
“As a matter of fact, I have done that before,” Steve said with a smirk.
“I remember that,” said Bucky with a matching smirk from the doorway, “That was during the battle of Sokovia, and I can attest to the sex afterwards being really, really hot.”
There was silence before everyone started talking at once.
“You two are dating?”
“You did WHAT?”
“I’m sorry, did you say the battle of SOKOVIA?”
Steve took a drink from his cup. Then, with a smirk, stood, grabbed Bucky’s hand and dragged him out of the room. “I suggest you all leave if you don’t want to listen to us doing half of the things we listed tonight.”