Key Ideas to form A Successful One

Like how to not take a drink in nine years, sending my newsletter out every Monday, working hard at my first long-term partnership in a few years, becoming a dog mom, learning how to cook new things. Go analogue and try slow reading. Pick up a printed newspaper or magazine, or read a physical article instead of an earticle. Use the `Night Shift' option on your phone to mute notifications and calls in the evening, and make the screen less distracting. Declutter your home screen by deleting irrelevant apps or news sources and blogs that are not contributing to your wellbeing. Try an app that helps you stay away from your phone while you focus on your work, that helps limit your screen time, or that blocks your internet browser. ATTENTION DEFICIT AND MINDLESS SCROLLING Every time you check Instagram or another social media platform, keep track of the minutes spent and ask yourself: Does it bring me enough for the time I'm investing in it? Isn't there something else I would rather spend my time on? A simple solution is to allocate a set time to check your social media and respond to messages, rather than scrolling constantly throughout the day. But I would appreciate your talking with Jim. CUSTOMER: Okay. Have him call me. YOU: Kelly, I really appreciate it. I know you'll both enjoy the meeting. How to Turn Down a Request Without Turning Off a Customer It would make life easier if you could always say yes. Without doubt, yes is always easier than no. At least it is for about three minutes.

The fact is that, without no, life would be impossible. I also often choose fun, creative projects, social activities, and rest instead of the things on my list. And attaching guilt to those is the result of living in a world that celebrates the hustle and productivity hacks, instead of rest and naps and careful consideration of our bodies and minds and habits. So how do we release it? One thing I realized was that the loud voice screaming at me about guilt and shame in my head was just trying to get my attention. It had been being soft, going through phases of being kind and loving. Be nice to Marlee, treat her well, get her in the bathtub, let her sit down to write and not try to grab her phone every few minutes. When I ignore this soft nudge for long enough, it gets loud and it gets mean and it shames me. Not because it hates me, though--because it loves me. Because it wants me to be well and to create structure and to try again. And my insistence on not listening blocks me from my true self. NIKSEN FOR YOU Sometimes it feels as though there just aren't enough hours in the day for any me-time. Whether it's a demanding job, your children, a family member, friend, or even a pet, there's always someone else's needs to put above your own. In this article we look at ways to make niksen work for everyone. Niksen for Me, Myself and I Hanging out with friends can be fun, and can take your mind off worries about work or about life in general. But if you seek a more profound, sensory experience, it is better that you are on your own. It's simply harder to turn inwards if there's another person there. The following tips and exercises can help you find the peace of mind to make your personal downtime count.

How to face feelings of FOMO Difficult and risky as it may be to decline a request, especially from a customer, doing so is sometimes absolutely necessary. Five Secrets of Declining a Customer's Request for a Favor Be certain that you should or must decline. If it is possible to say yes, say yes. There is great relationship-building value in agreeing to perform a favor. Avoid knee-jerk no's. If you must say no, begin by expressing regret. Explain why you cannot perform the favor. Apologize--but not profusely. Above all, do not waste the customer's time with a long apology. The soft voice says, Let's try this again. Let's make a list. You can do this--I am sure of it. But I choose to ignore this because after enough waves of self-guilt I have decided that kind of softness isn't for me. I am not worthy of it. So the voice gets louder, until I am just a miserable ball of shame mush. Waiting to be blended into a viscous mixture and served for dinner. But the voice is just trying to get my attention. Shame comes from ignoring my feelings.

It comes from the never-ending spiral of feeling humiliation based on a series of things I would like to be good at or not mess up at. Staying in while all your friends are going to a party doesn't mean you have a boring life. It's the FOMO (the fear of missing out) that is messing with your head, even though it was your own decision. You feel restless, obsessively scrolling through social media posts in which your friends look more beautiful and happy than ever before (which they affirm with the hashtag #bestnightever). And there goes your relaxing me-time . Of course, it doesn't have to be like that. Stop wasting your energy thinking about what you are missing out on and: Remember that you will only get to see the highs, not the lows. The selfies you see may not offer a realistic view of what the event is actually like. Accept that you can't join every single get-together. Today you have decided to do something else, and that is to indulge in absolutely nothing. This comes across as a punishment for having asked a favor. It will discourage communication between you and the customer. Offer something positive: the future. If it is possible and appropriate, suggest future circumstances and conditions that will enable you to perform the favor--the next time it is asked. Avoiding a Flat-Out No Saying no to a request doesn't necessarily mean having to say no to the requester. If possible, avoid an outright no and try to provide a no, but. This is nothing more than substituting a positive for a negative, emphasizing what you can do instead of what you cannot. Do this by providing alternatives to the customer's request.

TIP: Don't be vague about your alternative: I can't. And instead of turning toward the curious soft voice within me that can ask questions about why this comes up--I often turn to negative self-talk that turns the loop into a loud, mean, never-ending quest to prove to myself that I am bad. I see this manifest in physical intimacy with partners. Society teaches us that sexual desire is the ultimate form of acceptance and care and stability in a partnership. That to be physically intimate with a romantic partner is an ultimate form of acceptance. I take this so far away from the centering nature of my relationship that it can also put a pressure on what should be fun and nourishing to a partnership. If a partner doesn't want to have sex and I do, it is my responsibility to make them feel safe in their not wanting to. Consent goes both ways, and making a safe space for these conversations proves fruitful in the long run. When I take a denial of my advances personally and go into a state of irritability or coldness, this does not create a space for conversation, compromise, or quality communication. I relate all of this to shame because this is serious unlearning I have had to do, and it goes beyond sex. Really, when anything doesn't go my way or the way I have deemed correct, it is my natural state to lash out. THE SAFETY BLANKET You can't afford to join friends for lunch or don't have enough energy to meet someone for the evening, so why not make staying in really count? Next time you settle in to some potentially unsettling alone time, leave your phone in another room or tuck it out of sight in a drawer. Gift yourself one comforting item that requires two hands - perhaps a article or a hot drink. Focus on this item and take care to slow your breathing, encouraging you to unwind. Soon enough, pure JOMO (the joy of missing out) will start kicking in. As you know, to niks, you first need to clear the mind, and it is much easier to achieve this by pushing away unhelpful distractions and reverting to simple pleasures that wholly occupy us. In article 7 (see here) you will find more activities and exercises that help reduce anxiety and achieve a niksen state of mind. PEOPLE-WATCHING