What was the exact moment that you realized you’re attracted to Sam Rockwell? Was it his dance scene in Charlie’s Angels? Or his dance scene in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind? Or his dance scenes in The Way, Way Back and Iron Man 2 and Matchstick Men. Or maybe it’s not the dancing at all, but his whole murderer-with-a-heart-of-gold vibe that shines in roles like Mr. Right.
Ahead of the premiere of Fosse/Verdon, in which he plays legendary dancer and choreographer Bob Fosse (more dancing), join us as the Cut unpacks why Rockwell is totally kind of hot.
Gabriella Paiella, senior writer: Hello.
Madeleine Aggeler, staff writer: I’m here and I’m h*rny.
Allison P. Davis, senior culture writer: Sam Rockwell put it in me.
GP: So when did you all first realize Sam Rockwell is totally kind of hot?
MA: For me, it was Charlie’s Angels. When he tied Drew Barrymore up and drew lips on the duct tape he had across her mouth, and then kissed her. And also his dance.
APD: Charlie’s Angels! Actually, I’m just saving face. It was way later for me. 2015, Mr. Right.
Kelly Conaboy, writer-at-large: I was trying to figure out what it must have been and I think … Galaxy Quest? Sam Rockwell has been a lifelong crush for me so it’s hard to pinpoint the moment
Erica Smith, beauty writer: The year: 2000. The movie: Charlie’s Angels. The scene: the Eric Knox is Actually Evil Slide Dance.
Lisa Ryan, senior writer: I first learned about him when he was in a movie that George Clooney directed. Do not ask me what movie. Actually, I looked it up. According to IMDb it is Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, which I never saw but the trailer really stuck with me.
KC: I loved that when I was in high school also. But I’d already had a major crush on him by the time I saw it.
LR: What is it about? He’s dangerously hot in it, right?
KC: He plays Chuck Barris and dances.
GP: He loves to dance! As evidenced by his new role in Fosse/Verdon [voiceover voice] coming to FX on tomorrow, April 9th.
KC: He’s REALLY good at dancing.
ES: So much dancing. AND he can do the SPLITS.
MA: Okay, let me talk about this for a second. I am, usually, stringently anti-split. I cannot think of a single thing that would turn me on less than an adult human male doing the splits. And yet, when Sam Rockwell does it, it works for me. I think it’s because his splits have a more murder-y vibe than a drum-circle vibe.
APD: A lot of Sam Rockwell’s roles have “could murder did he murder will he murder?” vibes and that’s kind of what gets me going, I think.
GP: For me, the main thing about Sam Rockwell is — and God forgive me — he looks like he’d spit in your mouth.
APD: Oh, he a FREAK. Like, spitting in your mouth is first-date stuff.
KC: He definitely seems like a murderer with a heart of gold, which I love.
LR: That’s so true, Kelly. He’ll kill a person but then make sure to walk their dog as well.
MA: Second date he would want you both to cut your tongues with steak knives and then make out through all the blood.
LR: MADDIE.
APD: Jesus.
KC: Maddie.
GP: Maddie, I love the energy you’re bringing to the table here.
APD: I’m just surprised more people haven’t seen Mr. Right. If you love him for being a dancing murderer with a heart of gold. Anna Kendrick as the love interest. It’s awful! But he’s still hot.
MA: They seem mismatched but I WILL watch this.
LR: What’s the movie where he’s in space by himself?
KC: Moon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
APD: The truly incredible thing about this man, is that his hotness is like totally resistant. He makes terrible movies. He made THREE BILLBOARDS and I still want to fuck him.
KC: He was in various Stella shorts which scored him a lot of points for me as a 17-year-old who already had a crush on him.
GP: Yes. I think of his role as the filthy Stella pizza delivery guy like once a week.
KC: Again like a weird sex murderer.
GP: Speaking of murderers, he also recently played George W. Bush in Vice. In fact, it was this tweet that made me realize that we, collectively, as a society, had a thing for Sam Rockwell.
MA: Another instance of him making a very bad movie. And yet I still Would Kiss.
LR: Did you see the one where Keira Knightley is a 20-something who has a crisis of identity and befriends a teenage girl and stays at her home and falls in love with the girl’s dad and the dad is Sam Rockwell? That is a movie I actually liked. It is called Laggies.
KC: No, but I did see the one where his son is like a demon and murders his other baby and it’s called JOSHUA.
KC: I’m looking into it now and maybe his son doesn’t kill the baby … I think he just tries to. In any case I downloaded it and watched it on a bus.
MA: He was also in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) as “Head Thug” (hot).
ES: He was also in Iron Man 2. Don’t remember anything about his character except he wore suits and DAHNCED
MA: I would love to watch him debating whether or not to take a role. What are his criteria?
APD: “How’s the suit?” “Can I dance?” “Would this person murder or not?” “Does the character exude, Would Fuck?”
LR: I just feel like Sam Rockwell could read me like a book. We’d go out for a drink and he’d figure me out immediately, and I’d be so completely charmed by him and instantly fall in love and we’d passionately make out for a few minutes and I’d be like, “Wow I am spending the rest of my life with this man,” and then he’d never call me.
