Never Have I Ever: Had Anonymous Sex With A Stranger
What Are XXX Parties Really Like? One Woman Tells All
Have you ever played “Never Have I Ever” before? Here are the rules: Everyone puts up ten fingers, and you go around in a circle and one by one share something sexy or scandalous that you’ve never done before. When someone else shares something you have done, you have to put one finger down — and of course, drink. The first person to put all 10 fingers down loses (or wins, depending on how you look at it).
Well, AskMen is still playing Never Have I Ever, and the rules are simple: In each edition of this column, we speak to someone about doing something new in bed, whether it’s a long-time fantasy, something that just happened, or even something they regret. They tell us everything so you get an inside look at what some sexual experiences are actually like.
Marilyn (names have been changed to protect people’s privacy) has been to a sex party before. Living in Los Angeles, she’s made friends with the right people and tends to date kinky men. Within these relationships, she often takes her boyfriend with her as her plus one, even if the two only have sex with one another (okay, and occasionally making out with others).
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However, just as so-called cuffing season began, Marilyn found herself single for the first time in a while. She wasn’t ready to date, but she also wasn’t ready to miss her favorite monthly sex party and give up that part of her life just because she didn’t have a man. So, she decided to fly solo, and try something she had never ever done before: Have sex with a stranger, whose name she would never know. Did she like it? Would she do it again? If her ex is reading this, will he want to jump out of a building? Continue to hear all about Marilyn’s exploits at a sex party as a single lady.
AskMen: So you’ve been to sex parties, but always only slept with your boyfriend, with whom you were in a monogamous relationship, correct?
Marilyn: Yes. I love fucking in public, I love the sex party scene, I love their focus on consent, and I love watching other people have sex and having sex in front of others. I don’t think I could date someone who wasn’t down to go to play parties with me. It’s honestly become part of my sexual identity. But I am monogamous (a lot of people in the play scene are poly), and when I really fall for someone, I want it to be just us. But going to a sex party as a couple is, in my opinion, the best. You don’t have to worry about creeps, or turning people down, or scouting out good dick, you are guaranteed to have hot sex and have someone to protect you as well.
That makes sense, and I’ve heard a lot of people say the same thing. So, you’re single now. What made you decide to go solo?
Well, I still need a lot of time before I’m ready to be in another relationship or even date seriously. I know that. But also, I’m still me. I still want to go to these parties and see my friends. I really hate the idea that because I don’t have a boyfriend I can’t go, that seems anti-feminist even and anti-me. Also, I am so horny. I’m not ready to date, but god I need sex. Rather than waste time on Tinder, the party seemed like a guaranteed time within a space where no-strings-attached is expected and I don’t have to explain my whole back story. And, to be totally honest, the idea of a total stranger just dicking me down has always turned me on, especially as a submissive woman. So I decided to go alone and see what happened.
Were you nervous?
Oh, totally. I was nervous about basic social anxiety party stuff, like not having anyone to hang out with or talk to. I was nervous about men I wasn’t interested in coming up to me and having to turn them down. Even though there are always condoms at these things, I’m nervous about catching something. I was nervous about everything.
Okay, so you went. What happened?
Well, I got there, and first of all plenty of people I already knew were there, so I felt comfortable right away. I figured even if I didn’t have sex with someone it was good that I got out of the house and went. There are different rooms, and as the night progresses, and people get more into it and hornier and tipsier and what not, what starts off as a few people fucking turns into just these sex puddles.
I spent the first half of the night just hanging out with my friends expecting to go home, and that was that. But then on my way out of the bathroom, I was like, “Fuck it, I’m here,” so I did another lap and lingered near a pillow room full of bodies. Sure enough, before too long, a woman asked if she could make out with me. I identify as straight but I’ll make out with a girl at a sex party for sure. So, we sat down and started making out, and got pulled into the body puddle, which yes, was a bit scary. There was definitely a hand or two in my pussy that I didn’t expect. But this girl and I kept hooking up, just making out and touching each other, and a guy near us asked if he could touch and join. I didn’t get his name; he was blonde, semi-muscular, had an accent. I don’t know for sure (the room was very dimly lit) what he looked like and I find that hot. Basically, the three of us fooled around for a while and then he got on top of me and asked if he could fuck me and I said yes. He put on a condom and did.
And?
Ugh, yeah, it was crazy hot. It felt forbidden and dangerous, which I guess it sort of was; I mean imagine telling your OB/GYN that you have sex with strangers at sex parties. I think I could qualify as a high-risk person now when they ask you about your sex life. But the sex was pretty standard (minus the millions of other bodies around us). He was on top of me the whole time and took a long time, which probably means I wasn’t the first person he had sex with that night. I rubbed my clit and came. We cuddled for a bit, but pretty soon after I found my clothes, took a car home, and took the most intense shower of my life.
How do you feel about it now?
It’s an experience I’m glad I had. It was hot. I really hope the next person I meet is “the one,” so I feel like I’m checking things off my sexual bucket list. It was a little scary, not in the moment, but the next day I was definitely like, “I can’t believe I did that.” We used a condom, but I made an appointment to get tested because I’m neurotic.
Would you do it again?
Eh… not right now. It’s been a few weeks, and I’m feeling a lot better about my breakup and like I might want to actually start dating again. I’ve masturbated to it more times than I can count though.
Having good masturbation memories on hand is crucial. Best of luck dating, and thanks so much for sharing.
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Never Have I Ever