gritty realism in my shows? no no, you misunderstand
I want nitty gritty realism in my shows
I do not wish for fantasy that is Dirty and Sad. I wish for fantasy where beleaguered accountants and politicians do battle between territories via manipulating prices on various treasure types, all in the attempt to boost their rich foes past the Dragon Threshold and get burnt alive when the dragon arrives to claim their stuff. Show me the ramifications of a Summon Food spell on farming. Show me the Counterspell arms race.
Gimme that sweet sweet serotonin of micromanagement
Examples:
Family law:
A careful series of adoptions retroactively make you the seventh son of a seventh son, abruptly granting you magic.
Your older sibling is genderfluid and you are only a seventh son of a seventh son sometimes.
A great disowning goes down and entire mage alliances are abruptly nullified as the second generation mages lose their magic.
If marriages are bound by magic, can they be dispelled without the consent of the spouses? If someone objects at the wedding, do they cast counterspell? Do marriages between spellcasters count as pacts, making each the warlock and patron of the other? If you are married in a church and your god dies, does that annul it?
Mining:
The prices of gems are driven up by their magical uses as spell components
Mining safety regulations vary EXTREMELY depending on what kind of magic the materials can absorb
Mines for non-magical materials have way worse safety gear and wages; unions between different sites are tumultuous and easily undercut but also full of abrupt plot twists when new materials are discovered in a previously non-magical mine
never take off your helmet and NEVER put it down in the mine, lest it abruptly be replaced by a mimic and eat your head when you put it back on
Farming:
Entire crops/farms dedicated for spell component growing over food/clothing. Maybe that’s fine during normal times, but during a famine? Seriously? Summoning food via those spell components is well and good… unless you’re a starving family without magic
magical pesticides = magic mutant bug arms race
transmuting soil vs crop rotation
Fantasy livestock. What absolute monstrosities have been tamed for labor, meat, or leather?
local support groups for adoptive parents of Secretly Royal Children (a remarkably rampant issue)
Never stops making me smile. I want someone like this in my life. 💜
Okay so the best thing,the best thing about Sirs Patrick & Ian being best friends is that they met because of the X-Men movie.
I saw Sir Patrick speak a year or so ago and someone asked him about their friendship. He told this story about how I think they’d once or twice worked on the same production but had had very little interaction, and that when he’d been a kid, he’d utterly looked up to Sir Ian, who had had an established theater career at a very young age.
People assume that they’ve been friends since they were young, which makes sense given the sort of work they’ve done and their career trajectories, but no. Sir Patrick basically had a giant hero-crush-from-a-distance on Sir Ian for most of his life AND THEN on the set of X-Men, their trailers were put next to each other and they were significantly older than anyone else on the set, so they started spending their downtime together.
And became inseparable. And this is amazing.
So everyone who wants a friend like this, you have time. <3
The bowler hats make them look like an elderly Thompson and Thomson from Tintin.
when i say i like hiking, i don’t mean “eight mile backpacking trip with special gear and an emergency beacon” sort of hiking, i mean a three mile loop to go look at pretty things and then a huge brunch after.
this is in no way a slam on hardcore hiking, it’s very fun, but i mostly just need to lower people’s expectations when i say hiking is a hobby of mine
“No no, that’s ranger hiking. I like hobbit hiking.”
I just had that conversation with a biking group. No, i don;t want to spend hundreds on a new bike that can ride up mountains and maybe fly to mars, I want to know if the bike I have can do the trek I want to do.
So I met him, against my will. I actually got introduced to him, which I also didn’t want. Don’t tell Elon who I am!
But yeah, that brings the number of terrible people I’ve inexplicably been in close contact with to 2, after that time I accidentally got in an elevator with Notch.
I almost got Moot (former owner and creator of 4chan) as well, because he offered me a job as 4chan’s first full-time non-remote employee, but I turned him down. Thankfully (This was in 2007-2008).
Hopefully this number doesn’t go any higher.
i am impressed that there isnt yet a news article about elongated muskrat getting physically assaulted.
i truly admire your ability to be presented with an opportunity to punch his face and *not* taking it
Ever see a depiction of St. George and the Dragon? It’s pretty fair to say if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all: Georgie on a horse stabbing a flailing dragon creature, princess piously kneeling in the background, vague landscape alluding to the homeland of the artist’s patron.
The most varied part is the dragons. No one had a real definition for the thing, it seemed. For your pleasure and entertainment, I have ranked some medieval depictions based on how impressive George’s feat seems once you see the dragon.
Paolo Uccello, 1456
This is a terrifying beast. The hell is that. Uccello was one of the first experimenters with perspective, so the thing also looks surreal, like it’s taking place on Mars, or a Windows 95 screensaver. I would not want to fight that, I would not want to be tied to that. (Sometimes the princess is tied to the dragon for some reason.) 10/10
Horse thoughts: Maybe if I look at the ground it will be gone when I look up
Unknown artist, c. 1505
This is a rare change of form for the dragon; it’s the only one I’ve seen actually flying (or at least falling with style). It doesn’t look particularly deterred by the spear through its throat, either. Also, George looks appropriately nervous. On the other hand, it hasn’t got teeth, it seems to be fuzzy rather than having scaly armor, and George is bolstered by his army of Henry VII and his children, most of whom definitely didn’t actually die in infancy. Still, wouldn’t want to fight it, wouldn’t want my pet sheep near it. (Sometimes the princess has a pet sheep for some reason.) 9/10
Horse thoughts: I am so glad I wore my mightiest feather helmet for this
Raphael, 1505
We are coming to Dragons With Problems. This guy looks about comparable in size to George, and does have wings, but doesn’t seem to be using these things to his advantage (and has he only got one wing?) And how does he deal with the neck? He does have a comically small head, but holding it up with such a twisty neck seems complicated at best. But most egregiously, he is doing the shitty superheroine pose where he is somehow simultaneously showcasing his chest and his butt, with its unnecessarily defined butthole (more on this later) (regrettably). 8/10 bc it’s Raphael
Horse thoughts: AM I THE BESTEST BOI? AM I DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB? WE R DRAGON SLAYING BUDDIEZ
The Beauchamp Hours, c. 1401
We had a spirited debate about this one at work. Again, the dragon has gotten smaller, and this one hasn’t got even one wing. He’s basically a crocodile. So the debate became: would you want to fight a crocodile if you had a horse and a pointy stick? Would the horse trample the animal, who can’t get on its hind legs, or freak out and throw its rider? Would the pointy stick be enough to pierce the croc’s thick hide? In this case, George seems to be controlling his horse and putting his pointy stick in the dragon’s weak spot, so we can be impressed by his skill and strategy. However, his hat is dumb. 7/10
Horse thoughts: Dehhhh
Book of Hours, c. 1480
Here we have the same kind of croco-dragon, but George’s focus on his strategy has gone out the window. He’s flailing around, not even looking at his target, he’s about to lose his pointy stick, he hasn’t got a hand on the reins, and his sword seems to only be poking the invisible dragon over his shoulder. All he’s got going for him is that his hat is slightly less dumb. 6/10
Horse thoughts: Yay, new friend! Come play with me, new fr- what is happening
Final dragons put behind this Read More for your safety:
Chapters:
1/?
Fandom:
Dragonlance - Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman
Rating:
Explicit
Warnings:
Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships:
Dalamar the Dark/Raistlin Majere, Caramon Majere/Tika Waylan Majere, Lemuel/Raistlin Majere, (past), Nuitari/Dalamar, Nuitari/Lunitari/Solinari, Dalamar the Dark/Raistlin Majere/Nuitari, The Gods of Magic are sluts
Characters:
Raistlin Majere, Dalamar the Dark, Caramon Majere, Tika Waylan Majere, Tasslehoff Burrfoot, Nuitari (Dragonlance), Lunitari (Dragonlance), Solinari (Dragonlance), Ladonna (Dragonlance), Iolanthe (Dragonlance), Par-Salian (Dragonlance), Justarius (Dragonlance), Kitiara uth Matar, Takhisis (Dragonlance), Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s), Original Dragon Character(s), Lemuel (Dragonlance)
Additional Tags:
Misunderstandings, Kidnapping, Accidental kidnapping, First Meetings, Plot, Very unwelcome plot, Fuck Takhisis, Raistlin can’t escape the plot of Legends, Killing Gods for Fun and Profit, Raistlin and Caramon being best bros, Tika isn’t happy at being roped in, Tas is just happy to be along for the ride, Conclave being bastards, Somewhat less sex than the previous installment, because plot getting in the way, Dalamar is a very sweet idiot
Series:
Part 1 of Sexcapades
Summary:
Raistlin takes the Tower of Palanthas, and is ready to settle in and enjoy a good life and perhaps find a little romance.
He should have known it could never be so easy.
Chapter 1: Planning Raistlin, Caramon, Tika and Tas leave Neraka and make plans for the future. Meanwhile, in Ergoth, a certain Dark elf prays for guidance from his God.
Everyone else talked about outdoor cats, it’s time for me to talk about offleash dogs
Reasons not to have your dog offleash at a public park:
1) roads (this one is self-explanatory)
2) it makes the park inaccessible to like, entire swathes of the population. If you have experience with police dogs or guard dogs in your neighborhood, or you’re a new immigrant from somewhere with a large population of feral dogs, it sucks ass going to the park and having someone’s massive lab bound up to you!
3) If, for example, you are in a protected wetland area plastered with friendly signs asking you to please leash your dog to avoid causing an ecological impact, having your dog offleash might cause an ecological impact! “Oh no, my dog is well-behaved, they would never bother the wildlife” wrong! your dog is in the pond trying to eat the endangered Blandings’ turtles!
4) Non-zero chance of a jokerified park guide (me) just clipping your dog to a leash and stealing them
5) Other people with dogs! It sucks total ass having to constantly watch whether your totally uncontrolled ~furbaby~ is about to Start Shit with my properly leashed pet. It sucks even more ass when they do, which seems to happen about 25% of the time frankly!
6) People with Allergies trying to share a public space and do not want your “friendly” dog getting near them because they do not want to spend the night in hospital thanks!
7) People with mobility aids who don’t want your dog messing with them. Your dog is jumping up on my scooter, I am worried for my scooter. I am worried that I am going to run over your dog if I don’t have stopping distances correct! Your dog has never seen a mobility scooter and is freaking out.
Please. Just leash your fucking dogs, or take them to an actual dog park not a public path.
8) other dogs! My dog has been attacked by off leash dogs like. At least four times. Cannot get babygirl to take walks anymore at all. It’s so sad.
9) or really 5.2: my dog doesn’t do well around other dogs and I still have to take her for walks, but YOUR dog who is so ~well-behaved~ has just run up to her and now she’s ready to bite them because they invaded her space and you aren’t here to keep your dog away from us. Yes she may bite, that’s why I have her fucking leashed, how about you leash your animal to keep them from getting bitten
10) Your fucking dog running up to me and nearly knocking me over while I’m jogging or on my bike.
Someone I know not well enough to voice my opinion on the subject said something like why didn’t God make potatoes a low-calorie food so I am here to say: God made them like that because their nutrition density IS what makes them healthy. By God I mean Andean agricultural technicians. Potato is healthy BECAUSE potato holds calories and vitamins. Do not malign potato
For all evolutionary history, life has struggled against calorie deficit… So much energy goes into finding food that there is no time for anything else. Our ancestors selectively bred root vegetables to create the potato, so that we might be the first species whose daily existence doesn’t consist of trying to find the nutrients necessary for survival. One potato can rival the calorie count of many hours of foraging… Eat a potato, and you free up so much time to create and build and connect with your fellow man. Without potato where would you be?? Do not stand on the shoulders of giants and think thyself tall!!
I nearly teared up reading “Andean agricultural technicians” bc fuck yes! these were members of Pre-Inca cultures who lived 7 to 10 thousand years ago, and they were scientists! food scientists and researchers and farmers whose names and language we can never know, who lived an inconceivably long time ago (pre-dating ancient civilizations in Egypt, China, India, Greece, and even some parts of Mesopotamia) and we are separated by millennia of time and history, but still for thousands of years the fruits vegetables of their labor and research have continued to nourish countless human lives, how is that not the most earthly form of a true miracle??? anyway yes potatoes are beautiful, salute their creators.
There are approximately 4000 varieties of potato in Peru. I’ve seen an incredible variety of corn and tomatoes, and root vegetables I’ve never seen before, on the local farmer markets. Yet some expats insist on buying only imported, expensive American brands of canned veggies… 🤷🏼♀️ Peruvian potatoes 👇🏼
It is long since time for us to start viewing plant domestication as the bioscience that it is. Because while the Andeans were creating potatoes, the ancient Mesoamericans were turning teosinte into corn:
And then there’s bananas, from Papua New Guinea:
These were not small, random changes, this was real concerted effort over years to turn inedible things into highly edible ones. And I’m convinced the main reason we’re reluctant to call them scientific achievements is, well, a racist one.
And it’s such a shame too, cause this was probably the most impotrant scientific effort in human history, it bought us the time to do everything else we do, to go from just trying to get enough calories every day to everything we do now, it game people the freedom to do other things with their lives, human society would not have existed as it is today without this
We need to appreciate our ancient food scientists
With the caveat that this is obviously only true before The Famine, the nutrient density of potatoes made Irish peasants substantially healthier than those in other European countries whose staple food was bread! Thank you ancient Andean food scientists, for keeping my ancestors alive through a time of oppression and poverty.
Also but like- potatoes ARE low calorie foods? Of all the staple carb heavy foods, potatoes are by far the lowest in calories. They are by miles the healthiest of the wheat/corn/rice/potato staple food quartet.
I think I counted 22 lanes on Katy freewY not counting feeders which are part of the highway system and are not the fronTage road, which is the mostly repaired remains of the old Katy freewaY am only counting the hov lane once
The video I saw once of the dude waterskiing while holding a lacross stick, and using it to scoop invasive catfish out of the water and tossing them back into a basketball hoop that was also being towed behind the boat.
