Lululemon: see-through yoga pants hurt apparel empire's sagging sales

Age: 15 years

Appearance: Too sheer for its own good. Also, Canadian.

Are yoga people allowed to eat maple syrup? Only in moderation. Though being able to fit your waist into Eat, Pray, Love fitness apparel company Lululemon's tight yoga pants matters a little less now. The company has pulled 17% of its bottoms from shelves because the pants' fabric gives too clear a view of your bottom.

Are these see-through pants a cover-up for falling revenue? Bad pun aside, investors are concerned that the company's high growth-rates are tapering.

So where can non-consumerist yoga fiends purchase $98 fitness pants now? Less expensive yoga pants are available pretty much everywhere, which is one big reason the company's growth is slowing.

But those pants don't come in Ayn Rand shopping bags. Lululemon's don't either – anymore. The Atlas Shrugged-inspired "Who is John Galt?" inscribed shopping bags are a thing of the past (2011).

What do the bags say now? "Children are the orgasm of life."

The bags say "Children are ... Yes. And "Observe a plant before and after watering and relate these benefits to your body and brain."

Who's behind all this? The company founder Dennis "Chip" Wilson. He retired last year but is still the chairman of the board of directors. He once wrote that mediocrity is following a leader.

He sounds very special. You should hear his views on the Pill: Wilson said on the company blog that the Pill gave women more control over their lives, causing the creation of so-called "Super Girls". These are girls who like sports because of all the weekends they spent with their divorced fathers, essentially.

Move over, Sheryl Sandberg. Wilson also endorses plenty of self-improvement methods including The Secret and the personal development program Landmark Forum.

What's that last thing? Landmark Forum is a multi-day session which is described as an "accelerated learning experience." One way it helps people learn is by using "guided dialogue" to help people realize how truly awful they really are.

Who would want to go to that? Lululemon employees are encouraged to attend these seminars.

It sounds rather cult-like. No, absolutely not, though journalists have been subject to Landmark Forum defamation suits for writing as much.

Do say: "I am a Super Girl, hear me roar."

Don't say: "I want these $98 yoga pants so much that I feel like I've been brainwashed."