15 Supposedly "Sexy" Things That Are Actually Very Awkward

The supposedly "sexy" mashing of genitals as a form of dance. Achieving grinding synchronicity is an art achieved by few. At its best, you and your dance parter look like you're publicly masturbating. At its worst, you and your partner look like two plastic dolls performing anal intercourse.

Trying to act sexy while ingesting a phallic food item is awkward. Do people do this in real life? AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT? Like, I'm giving a popsicle a blow job and it's supposed to be serious??

Everyone who wants ass online is lying. Everyone is an awkward weirdo. No one is sexy.

If you're faking it, or just making a huge display of how SEXY your CONFIDENCE is, then you are probably sad inside. I don't know.

Phrases like "Fuck me with your rock hard sausage"; "Pound that pussy like it's never been pounded"; or "Milk that cock" are hard to say with conviction ... especially if they're coming out of nowhere.

This is usually a conversation that goes on for too long. And one that you try to make incredibly sexy. But there are only so many ways to say you want someone.

You should probably just let them do it because there will come a point when they'll have to help you out anyhow.

The awkward thing about stripping is that if you want for it to look really, really good and really, really natural, you kind of have to practice beforehand and have the whole thing choreographed. Ready? 5, 6, 7, 8 ... and button 2, 3, 4, and open 2, 3, 4, and belt buckle 2, 3, 4.

Look at this girl. Pretend it is real life. Pretend Serena Van der Woodsen is in the bar. And she does this. Does it seem natural? Does it seem normal? No.

Trying to be sexy = winning at being awkward. Let's bone!