How to Maintain a Friendship

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: May 6, 2021 Approved

Just like any other relationship, a friendship requires that you put in the work. If you feel like you're drifting away from your friend or simply want to make an existing friendship stronger, there are ways to strengthen your bond. If you regularly communicate and take the proper steps to be a supportive friend, you can overcome any conflict and maintain your friendship for the long run.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Staying Connected

1
Text them regularly. When you see or experience something that reminds you of your friend, send them a text to let them know that you were thinking about them. If you are close friends, you can text every day. One thing you can try is texting them funny photos or links to funny articles.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Include emojis in your texts to personalize them.
- Avoid taking it personally if a friend takes a long time to respond. They may be busy or might not like texting as much as you do. Either text them less frequently or accept that you won't always get a response.
2
Call them occasionally. Call your friend when you both have free time to talk. Ask them questions about how they are doing and if there's anything interesting going on in their lives. When figuring out when and how often to call, consider how often you see them and how busy they usually are. If they have a lot of free time and like talking on the phone, you can call them more frequently.
- Consider scheduling a regular time to talk—such as a weekly phone date.
- Don't call during work or school and take into account time differences if you live in different time zones.
- When you call, plan on having a longer, more in-depth conversation than you would if you texted.^{[2]
  X
  Research source}
- You can ask questions like, "How's school going?" or "What are you doing this summer break?"
3
Hang out with them in person if possible. Calling and texting are great ways to keep in touch, but spending time with the person is an even better way to grow a bond. Call your friend and make plans to hang out with each other. Think of things that you both enjoy doing. You can even purchase tickets to a show or make reservations to a restaurant in advance!^{[3]
X
Research source}
- You can exercise, go to a museum, get something to eat, watch a movie, or see a concert together.
- If you live far away or are old friends who don’t get to see each other much anymore, consider planning a vacation together in order to create new memories.
4
Use video chat to "hang out" if you live far away from each other. You can use video chatting programs like Facetime and Skype to hang out with your friend, even if you live far away from them. Being able to see your friend while you talk with them will make it feel like they are there with you.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- When video chatting you can watch a movie, play a game, or just talk.
If you’re busy and don’t have the time to talk with your friend on a regular basis, you can stay connected through social media or email. Send them a direct message or share funny posts with them online. This is especially useful if you don't have time to talk on the phone or hang out.^{[5]
X
Research source}

Advertisement

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Being a Good Friend

1
Tell them that you appreciate them. If you don’t vocalize your appreciation, some friends may feel like they are being taken for granted. Remember to occasionally tell your friend how much you appreciate their friendship.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- You can vocalize your appreciation by saying something like, “I really couldn’t have done it without you. I really appreciate you being there for me.”
2
Call them on their birthday and other important dates. A friend wants to feel like they are being remembered. Schedule important dates in your calendar and set reminders on your phone so that you remember to give them a call.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Other important dates could include a wedding anniversary, a job promotion, or their first day of school.
- Acknowledging the date of a hard breakup or death of a loved one will also show that you care for your friend.^{[8]
  X
  Research source}
- If they throw a party to celebrate an important event, make sure to attend. If you can’t attend, send a card and a gift to show that you care.
3
Offer your help when they need it. If you hear that your friend is going through a hard time or they seem down and depressed, ask them how they are doing. Give them a call or talk to them in person and ask them how you can help. Even if you can’t solve their problem outright, you can still provide support by listening to what they are going through.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- For instance, you could say something like, “I heard you lost your job. That must be tough. Is there anything I can do to help?”
4
Ask your friend for advice. Turning to your friend for advice will show that you value their opinion. If you’re facing a difficult decision or could just benefit from their perspective on something, ask your friend to share their thoughts and recommendations.
- You could ask for advice about something fun, such as how to decorate your bedroom or what kind of car to buy. You could say, "You know so much about cars. Can you help me choose one?"
- Make sure to express appreciation for their input, especially if you decide not to take their advice.
5
Show your appreciation by doing favors or giving them gifts. Try to make your friend's life easier by going out of your way to do them favors, like giving them a ride somewhere or letting them borrow something that you own. Consider buying them their favorite candy or purchasing something for them that you know they enjoy.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Gift giving isn't always necessary in a friendship but it will let your friend know that you're thinking about them.
- Get gifts for your friends on special occasions, like their birthday or anniversary.
- You can also get gifts for your friends when they are going through a tough time.
6
Be honest with your friend. Being honest will build mutual trust in the friendship. Don't lie when you have conversations with your friend. If your friend can count on you to tell them the truth, they will be more open and honest with you.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- When giving honest criticism, make sure to frame it in a positive way so that you don’t hurt their feelings.
- For instance, you can say something like, "I'm not sure that red is your color, but that yellow dress looked really good on you."
7
Be understanding. Think about your friend's personality and try to see things from their perspective. If they do something that you don't like, try to understand why they did it. Don't assume the worst from your friend. Try to understand their motivations and emotions.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- For instance, if your friend is always late, don't take it personally if they are late to hang out with you. Recognize that it's part of their personality and that they probably didn't mean to inconvenience you or hurt your feelings.
- If your friend did something to upset you, you can say something like, "I get why you would think that was the best thing to do at the time, but it really hurt my feelings."
8
Don't talk badly about your friend to other people. If you are a genuine friend, you won't talk badly about your friend and you won't share their private information with other people. Stick up for your friend when other people are talking poorly about them. Don't spread rumors and keep personal things to yourself.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- For instance, if someone is speaking badly about your friend you can say something like, "I don't agree with you at all. Sally is a great person and she wouldn't do anything to hurt someone intentionally."
9
Don’t take your friend for granted. Don’t just assume that your friend will be there for you when you need them if you don't regularly keep in contact. Cherish your friendships and be there for your friends during the ups and the downs.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- If your friend is going through a tough time and is irritable or grumpy, it's important that you're there to talk to them instead of avoiding them until they feel better.
- When you see your friend regularly, you can easily fall into a routine and not acknowledge how much you care for them.
Advertisement

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Overcoming Conflict

1
Apologize when you make a mistake. Be willing to reach out to your friend and apologize for your behavior. Try to explain your reasoning, even it makes you feel vulnerable. Reach out and contact them, rather than waiting for them to reach out to you.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- You can say something like, “Hey, I’m really sorry I dropped the ball on making reservations. I was so overwhelmed with work recently that it totally slipped my mind.”
2
Tell your friend that you forgive them after they apologize. If your friend makes a mistake and apologizes, tell them that you forgive them immediately. Once you’ve forgiven them, try not to bring up their mistake again.
- After they apologize, you can say, “Thanks for apologizing. I know you didn’t mean to ignore me yesterday. I’m glad we can put this behind us.”
3
Encourage your friend to succeed, even if you’re jealous. While a bit of friendly competition isn’t bad, being resentful of your friends is a bad thing. Always be positive when it comes to their growth or success and don’t put them down or diminish them.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- You can say something like, "You totally rocked at the talent show! Good job!"
4
Limit your expectations and don’t make assumptions. Everyone makes mistakes and it’s important to manage your expectations so that you don’t feel let down when your friend makes a mistake. If your friend lets you down, have an honest conversation with them rather than berating them or being angry at them.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- For instance, if your friend forgot your birthday, you could say something like, “I expected a call from you for my birthday. I’m not mad, but it did bum me out.”
5
Remember the things that made you friends in the first place. If you feel like you’ve grown apart from your friend, try to think back to what made you friends in the first place. Make it a point to talk about past experiences and reminisce about them. It will make you remember why you liked them in the first place and can help bring you closer together.^{[18]
X
Research source}
- You could say something like, "Remember that one time when we jumped off that waterfall in Acapulco? Susan was so scared, it was hilarious!"
- Things that could have brought you together include a mutual love for a certain kind of music, movie, or television.
Advertisement