ALLEN PARK -- You'd expect an NFL coach to be up the day after a big win, and down after a tough loss. Maybe there would be some variance because of injuries and the like, but generally you'd think a guy would be happiest in victory and grumpiest in defeat.
But Jim Caldwell is no ordinary coach.
The day after a win, he is almost invariably at his worst with the media. He's disengaging and unenlightening and wholly uninterested in explaining what his players did to prevail. But after a loss, he's consistently at his best. He's upbeat and engaging and, on the rarest of days, even cracks a joke. Maybe two if he's feeling frisky.
Call it the up-down theory, if you will. His Monday temperament has been that predicable over the years. And after winning a second straight game Sunday against Cleveland, Caldwell was inevitably and relentlessly dour during his weekly news conference back in Allen Park.
"I would say that's an astute observation, but it's not," Caldwell said at one point. You would have thought somebody asked him why Matthew Stafford had 11 toes. The question that drew such ire: Asking whether the Lions could be more creative with their tight ends now that they didn't have to protect Taylor Decker's replacements at left tackle.
Yep. That's it.
How about this one, coach. How did Corey Robinson fare in his 2017 debut?
"It was OK," Caldwell said.
Yep. That's it.
Making his first appearance at guard since he was in high school, Robinson had some breakdowns in the run game but held up fine in pass protection. He allowed three QB hurries, but no hits or sacks. And apparently Caldwell didn't feel like talking about any of it.
But surely he'd be more fired up about getting back Decker, who didn't give up a sack in his return to the lineup. Right? Right? Bueller?
"He was OK," Caldwell said. "He was all right."
That's it? Really?
"I mean, I think he's OK where he is," Caldwell said after a follow-up. "He was good. He's got to just keep coming."
This is how it went for the bulk of Caldwell's 11-minute press conference. If you missed the game on Sunday, you would have figured it was Detroit that lost by two touchdowns.
Asked what Matthew Stafford has done to handle the blitz better: "I don't know if I have an answer for you." Asked if he's seen an improvement in Stafford's deep passing: "I don't see anything different than he's done before." Asked about when he starts thinking about how many games Detroit has to win to make the playoffs: "I'm not concerned with that." Asked when he starts looking at the standings: "We don't."
'Round and 'round we went. Caldwell had little interest in answering most questions, and disputed the premise of so many others. He was a little more keen on talking about Kenny Golladay, Darius Slay, Graham Glasgow and especially Eric Ebron. And he said he's especially pleased with the depth and lack of ego at receiver.
"We have a young guy that's here, I'm not going to tell you who it was, but he was coming from another location and he's been here with us about a month or so," Caldwell said, already making this one of his longest answers of the day. "But one of the things he said that jumped out at him quickly is the fact that there are no egos. He said these guys work together, you can tell they love each other in the locker room, and it's sincere.
"I just think that every single guy wants to be the guy to catch the ball a hundred times in a ballgame, they all have that kind of desire and competitiveness. But when they don't do it, you don't get it, they don't necessarily pout about it or anything of that nature. So I think that's helpful."
And that was it. Anyone looking for meaningful insight into a hard-fought victory had come to the wrong place. Caldwell stepped off the stage and went through a door locked by fingerprint, ostensibly to continue preparations for next week's game against the Chicago Bears. That's a big game for the Lions, who have won two straight to remain just two games back of the red-hot Vikings in the NFC North.
Not that you would have ever known it from talking to their coach.
Welcome to Victory Monday in Allen Park.