Men are sharing more than ever—with their male buddies, at least. “Bromances,” non-sexual close relationships between men, are on the rise, a small new study in the journal Men and Masculinities finds. In fact, young men may be sharing more than they do in their romantic relationships with women. This may be partly a function of age, since the participants were all college students, but in general it suggests a positive trend: That men are connecting with other men on a more emotional, intimate level. And that's always a healthy thing.
The study authors interviewed 30 young men at a university in Britain, who were recruited in the sports department. They had all had at least one romantic relationship and one bromantic relationship in the past or presently. "On balance,” the authors write in their paper, “they argued that bromantic relationships were more satisfying in their emotional intimacy, compared to their heterosexual romances.”
The participants also said they "found it much easier to resolve disputes and arguments with their bromances, because they found them to be more forgiving. Consequently, they were less guarded in (terms of) personal disclosure." They described bromances, in contrast to romances, as being “judgement-free.” Some of the men said that in romantic relationships, "they could not talk fully about their interests, anxieties, health, and sexual desires," whereas in their bromances, they felt freer to share more.
Again, this may be partly because the men were quite young, and just hadn’t matured enough to feel comfortable discussing the more intimate things with a romantic partner. It would be interesting to do the same kind of study in men in their 30’s and 40s, to see whether the phenomenon changes with age.
The fascinating thing is that this transition to bromance isn’t a new thing—it’s more like a much-needed return to the past. Men weren’t always so closed off as they have been in the 20th and 21st centuries; throughout much of history, men had deep, connected friendships with other men. They were often more “share-y” with male friends than they were with wives or other female objects of affection.
In this vein, there’s been a lot of discussion in recent years about the emotional health of men, especially in the U.S. Much of this realization has centered on how we raise boys, and the great disservice we do by telling them, implicitly or outright, that they should deny their feelings, adopt the “bro code,” "man up" and “be men.” And this unhealthy narrative has very likely been responsible for a lot of men who are emotionally shut down, angry, depressed, suicidal or worse.
So, given the need for all of us to have emotionally connected relationships, and especially men who may lack them, the bromance trend is a good thing. The authors also suggest it may be due at least in part to a decline in homophobia and a relaxation of sex and gender lines. "The increasingly intimate, emotive, and trusting nature of bromances offers young men a new social space for emotional disclosure," they write. How bromances continue over time, and strengthen or weaken as men get older, will be interesting to see.
