Update: This story was changed to reflect the firing of (insert latest casualty here) who was canned for (¯\_(ツ)_/¯).
On The Apprentice, Donald Trump looked contestants in the eye and told them, "You're fired."
Cruel? Sure. Cheesy? You bet. But at least it was quick and direct.
You'd think after hosting 14 seasons of a show where his main duty was succinctly firing people he'd be better at this, but you'd be wrong. So, so wrong.
Here's a look at who Trump has ineptly fired so far during the first six months or so of his presidency.
Anthony Scaramucci
Welp, that was fast. The Mooch is out as White House communications director after only 10 days on the job.
Officially, the White House claimed Monday that the Mooch is leaving because he "felt it was best" to give the new chief of staff, John F. Kelly, a "clean slate and the ability to build his own team."
But CNN and the New York Times reports that Kelly specifically requested that Scaramucci be removed.
Hmmm, I wonder if it has anything to do with that New Yorker interview published last week, in which the Mooch says: "I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock."
If you have to fire someone after less than two weeks, chances are you made a terrible hire. And Trump has made a lot of terrible hires ...
Reince Priebus
The Priebs never really had the trust of Steve Bannon and the alt-right, who saw the former Republican National Committee chairman as part of the establishment.
He always seemed on the brink of being fired, and after the Republicans failed to repeal Obamacare early Friday, he either resigned or was pushed out, according to various sources who talked to Politico.
I mean, it's possible he was like, "I'm in a great place, I'm going to retire and spend more time with my family" and peaced out. He did tell reporters he handed in a resignation that was accepted. But the fact he was called "a fucking paranoid schizophrenic" in the aforementioned New Yorker interview probably isn't a coincidence.
Sean Spicer
When Scaramucci was hired, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer left in protest.
How was that only a little over a week ago? Trump's like a black hole, and we're all experiencing the most miserable form of time dilation.
Anyway, Spicer was also on thin ice for a long time, partly because Trump didn't like his suits and that Melissa McCarthy made fun of him on Saturday Night Live.
James Comey
Former FBI Director James Comey literally found out he was fired by seeing it on TV as he was addressing FBI recruits. He thought it was a prank at first. It wasn't.
It would be funny if Comey wasn't the head of the agency responsible for investigating possible collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russian government.
Preet Bharara
The U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York said that Trump initially said he could stay on the job, which is why he was blindsided when the White House asked him to resign.
He refused, and then after a bit of a standoff, he was canned.
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Fun fact: Bharara was investigating a Trump cabinet member when he was fired.
Sally Yates
Ten days into his presidency, Trump issued an executive order banning travelers from seven Muslim-majority nations--before even consulting with then acting U.S. Attorney General Sally Yates.
She refused to defend the order, and was promptly fired. (Then employed Sean Spicer said she was let go because she was "weak on borders and very weak on illegal immigration" in a statement. Good riddance, Spicey.)
And so, the Nixon "Saturday Night Massacre" comparisons began. Which is exactly how presidents want to start their first few weeks in office.
Transgender members of our armed forces
Trump got out of military service because of foot spurs, so it only makes sense he'd fire those braver than him on goddamn Twitter.
Problem is, a tweet isn't some royal decree, so it's not even clear how this will happen. So Trump failed at firing people.
So, as you can see, Trump prefers letting people hang in the wind and firing them via social media to being direct. Don't worry Trump, the American people will get the opportunity to fire you -- maybe even before your four years are up.
Topics Donald Trump Politics
