How to Explain Racism to a Child

Co-authored by Takiema Bunche-Smith, MS, MPA

Last Updated: May 16, 2022 References

No matter what race you are, it's important to start talking with your children about race and racism early on and to continue the conversation as kids grow. Talking to children about racism may seem daunting, but if you ensure that you're informed and sensitive to a child's maturity level, you'll be able to address this difficult topic. Remember, you're doing important work to help your child understand the world around them and prepare for the difficult experiences that they may face. You're also helping make society more equitable by addressing race and racism with them.

Method 1

Method 1 of 5:

Educating Yourself About Racism

1
Familiarize yourself with the meaning of race. Words like "race" are used so often it can seem like their meaning is simple, but the word is actually misused a lot. When used correctly, race "refers to a category of people who share certain inherited physical characteristics, such as skin color, facial features, or stature."^{[1]
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- There is no biological link between race and behavior. Race only describes shared physical traits. It does not describe a person's abilities or explain their behavior. Thinking that race determines a person's behavior is called "racialization".
- When we designate someone as belonging to a single race, we're over-simplifying the reality of their genetic makeup and heritage. Most people have complicated genetic heritages. It's estimated that 80% of African Americans have some White (i.e., European) ancestry and 20% of White Americans have African or Native American ancestry.^{[2]
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- Nonetheless, we say that race exists because the shared physical characteristics associated with race have dramatically shaped and continue to impact how people belonging to these groups are treated.
Racism refers to a "system of advantage based on race."^{[3]
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Research source} This system of advantage often impacts various aspects of life, such as access to economic opportunities (like jobs or loans) and political influence.

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3
Understand prejudice. Prejudice refers to a "preconceived judgement or opinion, often based on limited information."^{[4]
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Research source} Prejudice is both caused by racism, and it perpetuates racism.
- Prejudiced beliefs may be conscious. It can refer to ideas that people are aware of having and ideas they talk openly about.
- Or prejudice can be unconscious: people often do not know that they have prejudiced ideas.
- All people have prejudiced ideas. Prejudice is inevitable since we all have limited experiences and base our ideas on limited information.
- Having prejudice does not make a person a bad person. The important thing is that people remain open to identifying prejudices and correcting them if they help perpetuate racism.
4
Get comfortable thinking and talking about racism. It's a good idea to talk about issues of racism with other adults and to do some self-reflection before teaching children about racism.^{[5]
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Research source} It can be especially helpful to talk with adults who are a different race than yourself.
- Racism can be a difficult topic to talk about, but talking about it in an open and honest way is one of the best ways to help combat it.
- When you talk with someone of a different race about it, be honest about how you are feeling, listen to how they feel, and try not to be defensive or to reject what they say.
- A good way to self-reflect is to write in your journal about your own associations. Or try to write about some of your earliest memories involving race. Write down what happened, how you felt, and if you ever had the chance to talk about these events after they happened.^{[6]
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5
Plan to engage in an ongoing conversation with your child about racism. As children develop, they will have experiences that make them think about racism in greater depth, and as they mature, they will be ready to take on heavier topics about racism. You won't cover the entire topic of racism in one discussion. It will be a gradual, ever-evolving conversation with your child.
- Researchers have identified the developmental stages that children pass through as they develop their own racial identities. These stages impact children's thinking about racism and can impact the way they react to different topics.^{[7]
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- If you're interested in learning more about these stages of development, you can visit: http://www.racialequitytools.org/resourcefiles/Compilation_of_Racial_Identity_Models_7_15_11.pdf
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Method 2

Method 2 of 5:

Laying a Foundation for Young Children

1
Describe racial characteristics in a positive and concrete manner. Toddlers and preschool-age children (2-5 year olds) cannot fully grasp the complicated nature of racism, but they are curious about race and difference. Point out that different traits-like skin color, hair texture, and facial features-are all beautiful.
- Don't try to make your kids "color blind." Small kids are naturally curious about difference. It's better to help them understand and value difference rather than ignoring it. ^{[8]
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- Teach kids the words for what they see. If they have a question about why someone's hair is different, you can respond: "Yes, her hair is very curly and pretty. That style is called an afro." If your child points out that someone is dressed differently, teach them the word for the clothing: "She's wearing a sari. Isn't it a pretty color?"
- Highlighting difference in a positive way helps children of color develop a positive self-identity, and it helps white children think about the world as a diverse place.
2
Provide books, shows, and toys that feature people of many races. Use these items as teaching tools. Because kids think very concretely at this age, talk about what's "alike and different." Encourage kids to ask questions and send them positive messages about difference.^{[9]
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- Use dolls to talk about differences and similarities: "This doll has almond-shaped eyes, dark brown skin, and dark hair. And this doll also has almond-shaped eyes, but her skin is peach colored. There are lots of different skin colors, and all of them are good colors!"
- Some helpful picture books are Let's Talk About Race and The Name Jar.
- Sesame Street, Alma's Way, and Molly of Denali are TV shows that celebrate diversity. These shows are great if your child is an ethnic minority. It can be really helpful for them to see their race or ethnicity represented on screen.
3
Talk about your family's racial heritage. For instance, if your kids are Black, you want them to talk and think about what it means to be Black. For example, you can point out Black role models and teach your kids to be proud of who they are. You can give them examples of what is unique and beautiful about their heritage.^{[10]
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- Teach them the words for what they see. Being able to label race helps them understand that it's nothing to be embarrassed about. For example, "Mommy is Asian and Daddy is Native American, and you are both! How cool is that?"
4
Seek diverse playgroups. The best way to build positive race awareness and tolerance is through exposure to difference. Check with your local community center to find inclusive playgroups.^{[11]
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- Observe your child's play and conversations and intervene when you sense a teachable moment around racism.
- However, if you're worried that your child of color will be seen as a "token" person to make a group more diverse, seek out a playgroup that's led by a teacher who's a person of color.
5
Listen carefully to answer questions and address misconceptions. Toddlers and preschool-age children typically have no filters. They will say whatever is on their mind. Don't be alarmed if they say things that may seem offensive on the surface. Use these opportunities to explain race in a positive way.^{[12]
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- If your small child says something like, "Mommy, why is that lady brown?" Explain that people have many different skin colors. It's what makes the world diverse and interesting.
- If your child has a misconception and says something like, "Why is that person's skin dirty?," you can calmly reply with a question: "What makes you think that they are dirty? Did you hear someone say that?" And then clarify, "It's not dirty. Everyone has melanin in their skin, and when people have more melanin in their skin, their skin looks browner. Having less melanin makes someone's skin lighter. There are lots of beautiful skin colors."
- If your non-white child says something like, "I want to be white," try to understand why they feel that way. Ask, "what makes you say that?" Understanding the source of their feelings will help you better address their misconceptions and build pride.^{[13]
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6
Model tolerance by expressing disapproval of racism. Small kids cannot fully grasp the nuances of racism, but they are paying close attention to your words and actions. If you encounter racism, use simple, straightforward language to tell your child how it makes you feel and that it's wrong.
- If you see a racist image, tell your child, "I don't like this image. It makes me uncomfortable." Then say something positive about the race that was misrepresented.
- Stand up to racism by addressing those who make racist comments. If someone says an inappropriate comment at dinner say, "That is not an appropriate comment. I'd appreciate it if you don't speak that way in front of me or my kids."
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Method 3

Method 3 of 5:

Addressing Racism with Elementary School Aged Kids

1
Talk about fairness to help kids understand racism. School-aged kids have a keen awareness of when something feels fair or unfair. Describe racism as an essentially unfair system that helps one group have power over others because of their race.^{[14]
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- Activities can help to demonstrate inequality. If you have a group of kids, hand out a treat (a piece of candy, stickers, a quarter, etc.) Give some kids more than others. For those who have less, ask them how it feels. For those who have more, ask them how it feels to have more. They will also probably say it feels unfair.
- Explain to them that this feeling of unfairness is called privilege. Explain to them that the feelings people have about racism are important to be aware of, and it's also important to work together to make everything fairer.
2
Teach about the history of racism. Seek out materials about the history of racism. Visit your local library to find age-appropriate sources or search online for texts and activities.^{[15]
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- You can find excellent materials for elementary-aged children on the Facing History and Ourselves website: www.facinghistory.org/educator-resources
- Another excellent resource can be found at: https://www.tolerance.org/classroom-resources/tolerance-lessons/talking-about-race-and-racism
3
Demonstrate how historical racism continues to impact the present. Explain that in the US a lot of kids have less than others because of racial inequalities. They might have fewer resources at school or no access to fresh fruits and vegetables if they don't live near a decent grocery store.
- You can help kids understand how racism from the past continues to impact the present with the "spider web activity." Give kids yarn and have them walk around, creating a tangled mess. Then ask them to unravel it, so they can see how hard it can be to unravel complicated problems.
4
Don't avoid the subject of racism. Whether it's a news story or an everyday experience, talk to your child about the relationship between race and fairness. Don't wait for your child to come to you with questions. It's your job as the parent to continue the conversation on the topic. ^{[16]
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- Talk to them about age-appropriate news stories.
- Ask them questions that will get them thinking such as, "Have you ever noticed that there really aren't any black Santa Clauses on TV? Why do you think that is?"
- When you're watching TV and there is a racially charged scene, take a moment to say, "What do you think of that?"^{[17]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 5:

Talking to Pre-Teens and Teens About Racism

1
Teach older kids about structural oppression. Usually around the age of 12, kids will be able to understand more complex issues surrounding social injustice. At this point, you can introduce ideas about the history of racial oppression and housing discrimination.^{[18]
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- The historian, Howard Zinn's book A People's History of the United States is appropriate for teenagers and gives a good overview. His organization also provides a wealth of age-appropriate resources online: https://zinnedproject.org/materials/a-peoples-history-of-the-united-states/
- You could say, "You know how Grandma has security because she owns a nice house in a nice neighborhood? Well, in the 1930s, she got money from the government to help her buy it. Lots of White families did. But at the same time, African Americans were not given money that they were entitled to from the government. Then, the banks refused to lend them money, too."^{[19]
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- Make sure to explain that racist oppression leads to further racist oppression. For instance, you can say, "Because they had to pay more for worse houses, African Americans couldn't save as much money. Living in worse neighborhoods meant they weren't able to choose which school the kids went to, or get certain jobs."
2
Talk about contemporary examples of racism. As your child gets older, you can build upon the same things you've already been teaching them while addressing a wider range of topics. Show them that these topics are important by taking the time to answer their questions in depth. If your child doesn't come to you with questions, then you should bring up news stories or issues from your own life to continue the conversation.
- For instance, maybe your child asks you why some NFL players are kneeling during the national anthem. You can explain that it is a protest against injustice towards African Americans.
- Talk about specific instances of police brutality to help them understand what people are protesting.^{[20]
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3
Learn together to explore complex issues. Don't feel as though you need to have all the answers. When something happens that you don't fully understand, talk about what confuses you and invite your teen to help you research the topic in more depth, so you can both better understand contemporary issues of racism.^{[21]
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- Share books or chapters of books with them that deal with topics of racism. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas is a great book to read together.
- Send them online resources such as videos and either watch them together or talk about them after they viewed them. The PBS website has a number of excellent articles on current events.
- Watching films or shows together can also start a conversation. Black-ish and Fresh Off the Boat are good choices for families.
4
Teach teens to become aware of microaggressions. Microaggressions are everyday verbal or nonverbal insults that often are not intended to be insults and may be hard to notice. Microaggressions usually result from hidden prejudiced beliefs that people often do not even know that they possess.^{[22]
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- Some microaggressions may even be intended as compliments such as someone saying to an Asian American, "You speak excellent English."^{[23]
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- A nonverbal microaggression could be something like someone clutching a purse before entering an elevator with a black man.^{[24]
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- There's a test called the Implicit Association Test, which helps you uncover your own biases and prejudices. Consider taking the test and talking about results with your teen: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html
- Remember that everyone has prejudices, and the goal is to uncover and talk about them rather than trying to hide from them.^{[25]
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5
Encourage your child to be an ally. Teach kids to stand up for what is right. Let them know that they should stick up for other people if they are being treated in a racist manner.^{[26]
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- Explain that you should challenge the behavior, not the person. Tell kids not to call other people racist or any other names.
- Instead of calling a person racist, teach your kids to say, "That is a racist comment. Please do not say things like that."
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Method 5

Method 5 of 5:

Helping Kids Respond to Acts of Racism

1
Recognize signs that your child has encountered racism. Your child might not understand or tell you if they have been the victim of racism. Learn some warning signs that could indicate that your child has had a bad experience. If you can recognize the issue, you'll be better equipped to deal with it. Look for behavioral changes such as:^{[27]
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- A refusal to go to school
- A fear of walking to school
- An expression of wanting to be a different race or ethnicity
- A display of anxiety, which can show up as physical symptoms such as stomachaches or headaches
2
Help your child know what to do if they experience racism directed at them. Teach your child to use words like "stop" to put an end to the behavior. Have them practice saying, "Stop, don't talk to me that way." You can also have them practice asking an adult for help.^{[28]
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- Find a person of color to serve as a go-to person for your child. For example, if your child is Latino, ask the Latino librarian if they can turn to them for support if they are being harassed.
3
Strengthen family and community ties to build resilience. One of the best ways to improve your child's confidence and foster a positive racial identity is to make sure they feel supported and connected to others. Do activities together as a family. Sign your child up for activities like sports, dance, or art classes in the community. And spend time with positive role models in your community. ^{[29]
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- The Bank Street Center on Culture Race & Equity has excellent resources to help your child feel connected to family and community: https://d2mguk73h8xisw.cloudfront.net/media/filer_public/filer_public/2017/09/25/ahi_interactive_resource_guide_1310.pdf
- Try to find a group that celebrates your child's background. For example, if you adopted a child from the Philippines, try to find some other Filipino kids. You can also listen to Filipino music and try making regional foods.
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White privilege doesn't mean your life hasn't been hard - it just means that your race hasn't made it harder.^{[30]
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Educate yourself about racism, its history, how it is alive today, and what people are doing to fight it.

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Teach kids to speak up for themselves and others.

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