Dear Liz,
I'm one of three employees in my department. We are all senior web designers. Two months ago our manager left the department to take a different job in the company.
They didn't want to hire a new manager, because all three of us senior designers are experienced and we work very closely with our client departments, so we don't really need our own manager. There wasn't a lot for our old manager to do, and that's why he transferred to a new job.
They didn't want to leave the department without any supervision or coordination so they decided to promote one of the three senior designers to Team Lead.
I didn't want the job but I was immediately worried because both of my counterparts are nice people but neither one of them has any management abilities.
They are both head-down, code-your-brains-out people and they don't communicate. The Team Lead job includes a pay raise so I figured they would both apply for it, and they did. Our Director picked "Mike" to be Team Lead.
Mike and I get along great. We've gone out for beers and pizza together many times. He's a great co-worker, but a horrible manager. All of a sudden he is super-interested in my projects and wants to know about everything I'm working on. He's nervous. He keeps asking me irrelevant questions about my projects and it's incredibly annoying.
I still see our relationship as a social relationship more than a business relationship, because if I really thought that Mike were my manager I would have given him a lot of truth by now. I would have told him to back off. I am trying to keep things chill. I don't want conflict with Mike because he's a decent guy and no one is helping him figure out how to manage.
He's faking it, and he's not doing a great job. How should I deal with it?
Thanks,
Corey
Dear Corey,
When the earth shifts under our feet -- as it did when Mike got promoted to Team Lead -- we lose our bearings for a second.
For just an instant we are off guard, and that's when we are vulnerable. You say that you still treat your relationship with Mike as a social relationship, because you and Mike were co-workers before. Undoubtedly Mike is reacting to that energy you are sending out: "You're not really my supervisor, so I don't take you seriously. Go away and leave me alone."
Mike is stepping into a new role, the same way you are. You have a new Team Lead to deal with his and Mike now has ex-workmates to supervise. Everybody is stepping into new territory! It's not easy. The remedy is to talk about the awkward parts. Talk to Mike about his goals for the department and how he feels about his new assignment. Tell him how you feel. You were honest with Mike before -- you can be honest now.
It's hard to deal with change of any kind and it's particularly tough to deal with changes that hit our identity the way Mike's promotion might do to you. Those kinds of changes are jarring.
Of course Mike wants to know what you're working on.
You and Mike will both learn something when you sit down to walk through your projects.
Find a generous, open and trusting place to stand as you say to Mike "For sure, let's go through all my projects -- that sounds great."
You can rise to a place where that exercise with Mike will be great -- useful to both of you, trust-building and a chance to grow your muscles. Your discomfort at the idea of Mike reviewing your projects comes from fear.
It might be fear that Mike could be critical of you, or fear that you might feel embarrassed about something something that wasn't done perfectly.
Trust in yourself to get through any potentially awkward moments with Mike and you will sail through that meeting. You will see that Mike isn't a bad manager. He's just a brand-new manager trying to get his hands around things. Maybe in the future, all three of you in the department can brainstorm about your projects together.
Support Mike in his step up to Team Lead. You liked him as a co-worker, so he deserves that chance. Everybody needs reinforcement, and a new manager like Mike needs it more than most.
You can rise to the occasion and give Mike a chance to find his management footing. Both of you will get stronger in the process!
All the best,
Liz
