This article was co-authored by Wits End Parenting and by wikiHow staff writer, Christopher M. Osborne, PhD. Wits End Parenting is a parent-coaching practice based in Berkeley, California specializing in strong-willed, “spirited” children with impulsivity, emotional volatility, difficulty “listening,” defiance, and aggression. Wits End Parenting's counselors incorporate positive discipline that is tailored to each child’s temperament while also providing long-term results, freeing parents from the need to continually re-invent their discipline strategies.
There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Making time for yourself can be difficult as a parent, and it’s easy to go days without giving yourself proper care. However, you need to keep in mind that giving to yourself helps you give to your family. To start a new, healthier routine, carve out some time for yourself and prioritize it. Focus on activities that support your emotional and physical health. If you have problems being consistent, get an accountability partner or schedule a regular babysitter. And remember — it’s good parenting to allow yourself moments to relax!
Steps
Finding the Time for Self-Care
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Create a household schedule. Use a smartphone app, datebook, or a big chart on the wall to set out daily and weekly activities for you and your family. Start by filling in events that are "set in stone," like school drop-offs and pickups, dental appointments, and volleyball practices. Then, fill in the schedule with important events that have a bit more flexibility, like going to the zoo or making Christmas cookies together.
- You can use color-coding to identify who is involved with each activity, its level of importance and/or flexibility, and so on.
- Don't over-pack your schedule; having kids means having to make last-minute adjustments! And, if your schedule is always jam-packed, take it as a sign that you really need to simplify things.[1]
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Prioritize time for yourself on the household schedule. Don't save "me time" for the presumed empty spaces on your weekly schedule, or for the free moments you hope will open up. Literally pencil (or punch) self-care into your schedule, and color-code it as a high-importance event. Make it clear to the rest of your family (and to yourself) that this time is as important to you as their big events are to them.[2]
- Base your scheduling on what you need most from your "me time." It might be a long walk with the dog in the morning, a quiet afternoon tea, or a nice weekly phone call with a long-distance friend.
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Share tasks with your partner or close family members. If you have a partner who takes part in childcare, make sure each of you is doing your fair share of the work. Take responsibility for certain childcare duties and delegate others to your partner. That way, you’ll both get more down time.
- Feel free to switch up the responsibilities from time to time, to help fend off boredom and/or frustration. For instance, take daily or weekly turns making dinner, doing the laundry, etc.
- If you’re a single parent, don’t feel guilty about asking your parents, siblings, or other loved ones for a helping hand.
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Create some “me time” while the kids sleep or while they are at school. Those precious moments while your kids sleep are prime time to practice self-care. Based on their typical sleep schedules, establish a good time for your self-care and commit to keeping it just for you. Many people choose the early mornings because they wake up feeling motivated, while others choose to practice at night after a long day. Whatever you choose, capitalize on those quiet moments.
- Especially if your kids don’t sleep for long stretches, choose quick activities like deep breathing or muscle relaxation. And remember that a quick nap is also a form of self-care!
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Use a babysitter so you can have regular self-care time. If you have a hard time making time for yourself with your kids around, have a babysitter come on a set schedule. If you can’t afford regular care, ask a friend or family member to watch your kids for a while on the same day each week. This will allow you to take some time for yourself without worrying about the kids.
- Having a sibling or grandparent babysit has double benefits: down time for you, and family bonding for them!
- Network with other parents and set up times to watch one another’s kids for a few hours. Occasional guilt-free babysitting from another parent you’ll do the same for can give you a valuable self-care opportunity.
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Ignore non-essential interruptions.[3] You might be tempted to keep your cell phone by your side, or keep one eye and ear focused on your kids — even if someone else is watching them. As much as you can, ignore any distractions when you’re taking time for yourself. Silence your cell phone and turn off notifications. Close the door, put on headphones, and get as much privacy as you can.[4]
- If you’re at home and your older kids are there, let them know that you’re taking time out and do not want them to interrupt you unless it’s an emergency. If you have younger kids, relax during their nap or while they are at school.
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Explain self-care to your children. If your children ask about your self-care or demand your attention when you’re trying to take a time-out, let them know what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. This will help them respect your practices. It can also help them accept that it’s important to take care of themselves, and recognize how that might look.[5]
- Try saying something like: “Joey, you know how sometimes you like to just play with your blocks in the corner of the room by yourself? Well, Mommy needs a little bit of time each day to relax by herself. Then, I’ll have more energy so we can have fun together afterward!”
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Schedule family self-care time. Schedule regular game nights, family excursion days, or times when you just hang out and interact. The idea is to be together without the focus being on have-to-dos but rather on want-to-dos. Going to the soccer practice of a child is not family bonding, for example, while setting time aside to go camping for a weekend is.
- Also schedule couple self-care time so just you and your partner can maintain your bond.
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Make yourself accountable for doing regular self-care. If possible, pair up with someone who can remind you to take time for yourself. Check in with each other about what you need.[6] They might notice that you’re feeling frazzled or that you’ve met a lot of your kids’ needs without meeting your own. Keep an eye out for each other, and remind each other when you need a break.
- Your accountability partner may be a spouse, friend, sibling, or parent.
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Don’t feel guilty about needing “me time” regularly. Make yourself a priority, even if it’s for just a few moments each day. Your kids do need you, but you’ll be better able to respond if you’re feeling refreshed and capable.[7]
- Determine to make self-care a priority by first seeing yourself and your peace of mind as a priority.
- Find a way to keep a consistent schedule to help you stick to it. For example, attend a weekly yoga or meditation class that you can anticipate and set aside time to attend.
Taking Care of Your Emotional Health
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Use “me time” for things that make you feel good. Choose self-care activities that are fun and that you look forward to. Your activities should contribute to your quality of life and help you feel good. These practices should be soothing and leave you in a relaxed state. [8]
- For some people, it might be jogging or knitting. For others, it might be taking a bath or cleaning.
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Create a self-care ritual that you can look forward to. Spend time each day with a calming ritual that is only yours. When you regularly repeat a pleasing ritual, you’ll look forward to it and become comfortable prioritizing it. For example, sip a cup of warm coffee or tea and journal or listen to calm music.
- Choose an activity you enjoy doing daily. You might take a daily walk, pet your dog, or meditate.
- Have an activity that signals the beginning or end of each day that encourages you to be calm and relaxed.
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Spend time with supportive people. Assemble a network of friends and family who you can rely on to support you. Choose people who are good listeners and who can help to lower your stress level, not add to it. Accept help when you need it, and don't be afraid to ask for it.[9]
- Try to make friends with other parents. They’ll understand many of the challenges you face, plus you can take turns watching each other’s kids. As a bonus, your kids will get extra playdates!
- If you don’t have supportive friends and family near you, consider joining (or starting) a parent self-care support group.
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Establish a regular relaxation practice. Find a healthy outlet for stress, such as a daily relaxation routine. Doing relaxing activities for 30 minutes each day can help stabilize your mood and fight depression.[10] Relaxing activities should help your body and your mind to slow down.
- Some common forms of relaxation include deep breathing, meditating, listening to peaceful music, or reading a book.
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Learn to say no. If you find yourself so busy that you do not have time for self-care, begin declining activities or other requests for your time. This includes the number of activities you do for your kids. Taking care of yourself is important.
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See a therapist if you simply can’t make time for you. Seeing a therapist is an excellent first step to carving out time for yourself. They can help you acknowledge that it’s okay to make time for yourself, and help you discover what’s getting in the way of prioritizing yourself. If you’re not sure how to care for yourself, a therapist can help you find meaningful ways to bring calm and healthy living into your life.[11]
- Find a therapist by calling your insurance provider or your local mental health clinic. You can also contact your physician or get a recommendation from a friend or family member.
Caring for Your Physical Health
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Make time for daily exercise. Regular exercise is good for your body and your emotional health.[12] If you don’t have time to go to a gym, don’t worry. There are lots of at-home ways to exercise that require few items, like a yoga mat or a set of free weights, and often it’s as easy as loading an exercise video on your TV or tablet.
- You can practice this kind of self-care alone or with your family. Try, for example, turning on some music and dancing with your kids, jumping on a trampoline, riding bikes, or taking a family walk around the park.[13]
- Incorporate exercise into your commute or daily errands. For example, park farther away from the store to get in some extra walking. When you need to get to the third floor of a building, take the stairs instead of the elevator.
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Eat healthy foods. Take care of your body by nourishing it with nutritious foods. What you eat can affect how you feel, your mood, and your overall sense of wellbeing. Make a point to eat fresh fruits and vegetables and find good sources of protein and whole grains.[14]
- Get your whole family eating nutritiously by cooking and serving nutritious foods. Find some go-to dinners and make them frequently.
- To maximize your limited time, get groceries delivered, plan out your shopping trips and weekly menus, use leftovers to your advantage, and get your kids to help out!
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Get as much sleep as you can. There may be many nights when getting enough sleep just isn’t possible, but on the whole, prioritize your rest. Even if your kids try to make it a fool’s errand, plan to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day to create a sleep routine.[15]
- Do this alongside your kids’ routine bedtime and waking time. If your child takes a nap, take a nap at the same time.
- If you have trouble falling asleep at night, try avoiding phones, tablets, and televisions 1-2 hours before you go to sleep, as the light can be disruptive. Keep the room dark as you sleep and avoid big meals right before bedtime.
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Listen to your body and give it what it needs. Be aware of what your body needs, and respond appropriately. For example, if you’re sick, take a day off from work and rest — get a babysitter if you need to. Stay on top of your care by getting regular checkups with your physician for preventative medical care. If you’re hungry, get a snack or make a meal instead of putting it off.
- If you don’t take good care of your own health, your mental and emotional states may suffer, and you won't be able to care for the ones you love as effectively.
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Spend time outdoors. Go somewhere that allows you to appreciate nature. This might be a local park, hiking trail, or garden. Being in nature can increase positive feelings and make you feel revitalized.[16]
- Whether you choose to be in nature alone or bring your family along, it can help lift your mood and make you feel more connected.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I take care of myself as a parent?Wits End ParentingWits End Parenting is a parent-coaching practice based in Berkeley, California specializing in strong-willed, “spirited” children with impulsivity, emotional volatility, difficulty “listening,” defiance, and aggression. Wits End Parenting's counselors incorporate positive discipline that is tailored to each child’s temperament while also providing long-term results, freeing parents from the need to continually re-invent their discipline strategies.
Parenting SpecialistsIt's important to realize that you don't need to get involved with everything your kids too. If your kids are old enough to handle a situation themselves, let them.
References
- ↑ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2016/12/the-challenge-of-practicing-self-care-as-a-parent-qa-with-clinician-catherine-obrien/
- ↑ https://cmhc.utexas.edu/selfcare.html
- ↑ Wits End Parenting. Parenting Specialists. Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.
- ↑ http://coe.ucsf.edu/ivf/Instructions_for_Mindful_Relaxation_Exercises.pdf
- ↑ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2016/12/the-challenge-of-practicing-self-care-as-a-parent-qa-with-clinician-catherine-obrien/
- ↑ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2016/12/the-challenge-of-practicing-self-care-as-a-parent-qa-with-clinician-catherine-obrien/
- ↑ https://cmhc.utexas.edu/selfcare.html
- ↑ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2016/12/the-challenge-of-practicing-self-care-as-a-parent-qa-with-clinician-catherine-obrien/
- ↑ https://socialwork.buffalo.edu/resources/self-care-starter-kit/additional-self-care-resources/developing-your-support-system.html
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-support-and-self-help.htm#stress
- ↑ http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/benefits-of-talking-therapy.aspx
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/the-mental-health-benefits-of-exercise.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201401/committing-radical-self-care
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-eating/healthy-eating.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/sleep/getting-better-sleep.htm
- ↑ https://rochester.edu/news/show.php?id=3639