How to Help Young Siblings Bond

Co-authored by Elizabeth Weiss, PsyD

Last Updated: May 13, 2021 References

Having young children may lead to sibling rivalries, accompanied by fighting, resentment, and lots of tears. However, with a little effort and strategy, you can foster sibling bonding. To help young siblings bond, find fun activities for them to do together, and encourage teamwork and trust. Avoid comparing siblings, and equip them with handy conflict resolution skills. Soon, you’ll be on your way to a more harmonious household.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Finding Ways for Your Children to Bond

1
Encourage the siblings to play together. Playing together can help your children bond at any age. The options for play are limitless! Try getting them to play a game, like tag, hide and seek, or even cards or a board game. For younger children, use toys that are age appropriate for the youngest child.^{[1]
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- Very young siblings can play age-specific favorites, like peek-a-boo or patty cake.
- If siblings are reluctant to include one another, try scheduling "sibling time" and "me time" into their playtime.
- If your children have a battery-powered or pedal-powered car, let the younger sibling ride in the passenger side while the older sibling drives them around. Don’t forget to take advantage of this adorable photo op.
- Simple games can help children bond if they have different interests or abilities that can get in the way of quality bonding.
2
Encourage siblings to pretend together. Encourage your children to let their imaginations wander and create magical worlds together. Think about what your children like to do and find a way to get all siblings involved. Pretend scenarios can get those creative juices flowing while sparking some fun-fueled bonding.
- For example, they can pretend to be posh kings and queens in a castle, or lions and monkeys in a dense, tropical jungle.
- Toddlers can also join in the pretend fun. An older sibling might pretend to be the doctor while the younger siblings are the patients. In a restaurant game, older siblings can serve heaping plates of plastic food to their younger “customers.”
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3
Create craft projects together. Get crafty to stimulate sibling bonding! You can adjust the crafts for each child based on their level of development, but they can use the same materials and complete the projects together. Craft projects are a great way for siblings to spend time together no matter their age, developmental stage, or ability.
- For example, they can color together out of the same coloring book, or draw pictures together. Save these little treasures.
- Keep it festive with seasonal crafts. Let them paint flowerpots in the spring or Christmas ornaments in the winter. If one or two siblings are too young to do it alone, have the older siblings help them.
- Toddlers can also do craft projects with older siblings. Plus, coloring with crayons can sharpen their motor skills.
4
Emphasize that your children are a team. The cliche “teamwork makes the dream work” holds true. Try to challenge your children in ways that require teamwork. Working together toward a common goal can help them bond while avoiding competition for your attention, which can turn nasty pretty fast. Find ways for them to do chores or play together as a team.^{[2]
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- For example, make it a team game where all the siblings put up their toys before a timer goes off. Make sure they all get involved and help each other, and encourage them as they complete the task. A clean house and bonded siblings? That’s a win-win.
- Try setting up a treasure hunt around the house and yard, using hints and clues your mini-detectives will have to work together to solve.^{[3]
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5
Encourage trust by letting them help each other. Your children can bond by turning to each other to complete tasks instead of you or other adults. This helps older siblings feel important and protective while the younger siblings learn to trust older siblings.^{[4]
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- For example, if your younger children need help picking out clothes, let the older siblings offer their style skills. You can say, “Ask your siblings. They’re really good at picking out shirts!” If your older children can manage it, you can then let them help the younger ones get dressed.
- Have your older children read stories to their younger siblings. If the younger one is throwing a crying fit, take a much needed step back and let the older sibling try their hand at comforting them.
6
Provide structured activities for multiple siblings. If your children have a lot of siblings, it can be hard for them to bond with each of them. However, with a few planned activities, you can nip this problem in the bud. Choose activities that all of your little ones can do.^{[5]
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- For example, have everyone bake cookies together, make crafts, build forts, ride bikes, or play at the park. Provide board games or card games that everyone can play, like Go Fish.
- This is super important if you have groups of children who are closer than others. Supervising activities where all of your children can spend time together can help strengthen the bonds between those who are not as close.
7
Teach kindness through example. Teach your children the importance of family, love, and kindness to boost their bonding. The tried-and-true method of teaching through example works best. Make sure that you and your partner treat each other and each child with love and kindness. Your young children will follow suit, making for a happier, closer family.^{[6]
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- For example, it might be easy to yell at your partner or your children when you get worked up, but do your best to talk through the issue calmly.
- Encourage your kids to perform little acts of kindness for each other. They might bring their sibling a sweater or blanket if they said they were cold, or remember their special sweet snack during a grocery store run.
8
Let older siblings hold younger siblings. If you have infants or toddlers, try letting the older sibling hold the younger one. Besides being downright adorable, this can help with bonding. Be sure to give the older sibling a lesson in holding the younger one, especially if they are a young infant.^{[7]
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- By letting the older sibling hold the younger one, the older sibling starts to feel a connection to their new younger sibling, and the younger sibling emotionally attaches to the older sibling.
9
Have older siblings help with baby tasks. Put the older sibling to work on babysitting duty! You can have the older sibling feed the baby, change the diaper, change their clothes, or help during bath time. It’ll give you a welcome break while helping them get closer.^{[8]
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- If the older sibling is too young to do any of this on their own, have them be your baby care “assistant.”
- Again, make sure the older sibling knows how to handle the baby safely.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Resolving Conflicts

1
Teach conflict resolution. As you’ve probably learned during your time in the parenting gig, fighting between siblings is inevitable. However, teaching them how to resolve conflicts themselves can help them have a better relationship. Start by setting limits. Then, teach them about peaceful ways to resolve their conflicts. Physical violence is always a no-no.^{[9]
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- For example, if one child hits another, you may say, “I understand you hit your sibling because they took your toy. Do not hit. Hitting hurts. Instead, use your words. Tell them to give your toy back and to ask if they want to play with it.”
2
Try letting the siblings work out conflict. It’s tempting to step in every time your kids are arguing, but try to resist. Instead, let them try work out the conflict on their own. Keep an eye out for rude or violent behavior, but otherwise keep your distance.^{[10]
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- Infants and toddlers should be allowed to work things out with their siblings. They’ll learn some handy conflict resolution skills, which will serve them for the rest of their lives.
- Encourage the kids to come up with solutions. You may say, “Though you are arguing, I know you can come with a positive solution that works for all of you.”
3
Intervene when necessary. Conflicts can escalate quickly, and turn ugly. Biting, kicking, yelling, screaming--an angry kid can do it all. When your children do these things, you should intervene. Let all the siblings know that violent and negative behavior will not be tolerated.^{[11]
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- For example, you may step between your toddler and five year old who are hitting each other. You may have to take their hands and say, "You do not hit your sibling."
4
Avoid taking sides. When you mediate between your children, make sure not to take sides. This can hurt the bond by triggering resentment. Instead, think of yourself as an honorable judge--impartial and fair.^{[12]
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- When you are mediating, make sure to acknowledge all of your children and their sides or points. You want to get the full story.
5
Allow the children to spend time apart. Everyone needs some time apart, your kids included.^{[13]
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Elizabeth Weiss, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 26 July 2019.} Let them spend time alone or with other children or adults. Too much time with the same people can cause nerves to fray, which for kids means fighting and temper tantrums.^{[14]
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- Spend time with each child alone. Pick a special activity that you like to do together. This can help avoid sibling jealousy.
- Plan some fun group play activities with other children! That way, your kids can socialize with kids other than their siblings.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Encouraging Family Bonding

1
Schedule family activities. Get the whole family involved! Come up with ways for your family to spend time together. This can be a weekly tradition or something fun you do once each year. Your children can create shared memories together.^{[15]
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- Hold a weekly make-your-own pizza night, whip up some warm cookies together on the weekends, or head to the park for an afternoon of swinging and climbing.
- Take the party outside by planning fun sibling outings. Check out the amusement parks, climbing gyms, or children’s museums in your area.
- If you want to double the bonding, choose an activity that requires teamwork and group problem solving, like camping.
- Infants and toddlers can also participate in out-of-the-house festivities. Take all the kids to the pool or beach and encourage your older child to play with water toys while the infant floats safely near them.
2
Play kids versus parents games. Instead of letting your children compete against each other, let them compete against you and your partner. A little light-hearted rivalry can be a blast, plus teaming up against the grown ups is a great way to strengthen sibling bonds.^{[16]
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- For example, you can play hide and seek, a board game, tag, or even start a water fight!
3
Avoid comparing your children. Comparing your children is one of the fastest roads to sibling resentment. Remember that your children are different people. They do things differently and have different likes and dislikes, and that’s perfectly fine. Try not to take sides and don’t pick a favorite.
- Try not to say things like, “Your brother never…” or “Your sister always…”, and steer clear of the ever-dangerous “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Setting Boundaries

1
Keep age-appropriate boundaries. Though spending time together is important for siblings, there are simply some activities they won’t be able to do together because of the age difference. Don’t worry! Some separation is good, and they can bond over different activities.^{[17]
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- For example, don’t let a younger sibling play with dangerous toys or ride on bikes that are too large for them, however much of a daredevil they may be.
- You might not want your younger kid staying up late with the older one, or watching a suspenseful movie.
- Remember, too, that your older child is still a child, not a mini-babysitter. Avoid constantly forcing them to play with their younger siblings--this is a path to resentment, which doesn’t exactly foster bonding. Make sure you are giving your older child time to be a kid and play with children their own age.
2
Allow the children to have their own possessions. Sharing is great, but so is having a few things of your own. Allow your kids to have a few toys or items that are off-limits to their siblings. Making sure all siblings respect this can help reduce resentment.^{[18]
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- For example, your children may have a favorite stuffed animal, doll, car, action figure, blanket, or pillow that they do not want to share. That’s fine--your child isn’t turning into a little miser. Just make sure the siblings know which items are off limits.
- Think about giving each child a box with their name on it where they can store their special toys.
3
Teach appropriate behavior. That mischievous smile may make you melt, but don’t let your younger child's inappropriate behavior slide. This can cause bad feelings and lead to rivalries, especially if the older children feel that they are always the ones who get in trouble. Luckily, avoiding this is simple: just teach all your children appropriate behavior. Help your younger children know when they are behaving inappropriately and show them the proper behavior.^{[19]
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- Take toy-grabbing, a classic younger sibling behavior that drives older siblings crazy. When you see your younger child snatch a doll or block that belongs to the older child, offer a mild correction.
- You may say, “We must take turns with toys. Your sibling is playing with that doll right now, and you can’t grab it when they play with it. Instead, if you’re patient, polite, and wait your turn, you can play with it when they’re done.”
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