This is Jessica Biel: Actress. Mom. Justin Timber-Wife.
But did you know she's also pretty funny? I was minding my own business scrolling through her Twitter feed and my body started involuntarily convulsing. Wait. Was I...laughing? OMG, yes I was really really laughing. I was not expecting it. But, oh boy, it happened. Here's why:
1. The Spoon On Nose
When you only have five minutes to eat during a photo shoot, this is a very professional thing to do for at least h… https://t.co/hsDUTcg6nA
Some people think a spoon is something that you use to eat, but not Jessica. Jessica sees a spoon and thinks, "Gee, I wonder if I can balance that on my nose?" and guess what: SHE FUCKING CAN.
2. The Nose-Sized Breadsticks
If they serve nose-sized breadsticks at a party do they think I’m NOT going to do this?
Wow, Jessica just loves her nose, doesn't she?! Seriously how did they NOT think she was going to do this? Don't they know the old expression, "Give a Biel some breadsticks..."
3. The Ellen Dance:
Witness the longest minute of my life... #TBT @TheEllenShow
One time Jessica Biel had to dance for a full minute on Ellen while she was wearing a shiny green blazer and flare jeans so I went out and bought a shiny green blazer and flare jeans.
4. The Visible Tan Lines
Throwing it back to when the season’s hottest accessories were visible tan lines and a general look of confusion.… https://t.co/hiwc4ZFrng
You may not have known this, but Jessica simply does not take herself too seriously. Here she pokes fun at this very *chic* 2000s look.
5. The "Taste The Rainbow"
6. The Dinosaur Shoes
Prehistoric pumps by Dino Blahnik. #momlife #partytime #momchella
Isn't it frustrating when your kid spills his plastic dinosaurs all over your Manolos? Don't worry, Jessica's here to commiserate.
7. The Lace Face Mask
Night of the living lace face mask...happy Friday the 13th!
Apparently, lace face masks are a real thing for fancy people. Are they kinda silly? Sure! But, as I'm finding out, silly is a Biel specialty.
8. The 420 Celebration
Shout out to White Castle employees working OT today. Happy 420!
LOL Jessica. LOL.
9. The Windy Hair
How's my hair?
You might think Jessica Biel always has perfect hair, but that is just not the case. Stars! They're just like us! Their hair gets blown in the wind!
10. The Jeopardy Clue
Alex, I'll take me for 100. #jeopardy
Alex, I'll take hehehe for 100.
11. The 7th Heaven Throwback
#TBT to when @beverleymitchel and I were wayyy ahead of this whole flower crown thing. #7thHeaven
Remember when Jessica got her start playing Mary on 7th Heaven and no offense Snapchat and Coachella but she basically invented flower crowns, byeeeee.
12. The Couple That Goofs Together Stays Together
Thanks for all the LOLs, J. Biel.
