I have been diagnosed with CPTSD after having suffered multiple traumas over the course of my life (I'm 28). Ever since I was diagnosed at age 18, I've been in and out of several therapies including two tries of EMDR which I haven't been able to finish sucessfully because I responded way too severely (according to my therapist).
Basically what happened was that I internalised the traumas to the point where my mind was kind of ok-ish, but I was getting a lot of physical symptoms instead. During EMDR sessions I got so depressed at first, until my mind was throwing up obstacles and I started to feel it in my body more than my mind, and I didn't process - so the EMDR didnt have its effect.
To give a little bit more background, as a child, I've had to vist the hopsital a LOT for various health issues - and so several "hospital themed" things trigger major PTSD for me (taking blood, the smell of alcohol, seeing surgery rooms/equipments, etc etc. Next to that, I am the victim of sexual assault on various occassions throughout my teens and early twenties including a rape, plus a few "minor" (I say minor because they weren't violent) traumas like bad relationships and being bullied at school. All of these are things I have flash backs about and that still induce anxiety.
I am now in Imaginary Exposure therapy which is supposed to be less severe / more controllable, but I am finding this really really tough as well. I am allowing my feelings to come out more though, which is good, were it not for the fact that we are only dealing with one small part of one trauma, not even the whole thing because I couldn't handle that. It makes me really despare since this trauma is only one of many many more and I can't bear to think that this will be my life for ever (I am attempting to finish my studies, I'm not working and I manage very little else activity in my life, I even need help doing groceries, etc.).
Anybody who has been through this as well? Does it get better?
Basically what happened was that I internalised the traumas to the point where my mind was kind of ok-ish, but I was getting a lot of physical symptoms instead. During EMDR sessions I got so depressed at first, until my mind was throwing up obstacles and I started to feel it in my body more than my mind, and I didn't process - so the EMDR didnt have its effect.
To give a little bit more background, as a child, I've had to vist the hopsital a LOT for various health issues - and so several "hospital themed" things trigger major PTSD for me (taking blood, the smell of alcohol, seeing surgery rooms/equipments, etc etc. Next to that, I am the victim of sexual assault on various occassions throughout my teens and early twenties including a rape, plus a few "minor" (I say minor because they weren't violent) traumas like bad relationships and being bullied at school. All of these are things I have flash backs about and that still induce anxiety.
I am now in Imaginary Exposure therapy which is supposed to be less severe / more controllable, but I am finding this really really tough as well. I am allowing my feelings to come out more though, which is good, were it not for the fact that we are only dealing with one small part of one trauma, not even the whole thing because I couldn't handle that. It makes me really despare since this trauma is only one of many many more and I can't bear to think that this will be my life for ever (I am attempting to finish my studies, I'm not working and I manage very little else activity in my life, I even need help doing groceries, etc.).
Anybody who has been through this as well? Does it get better?