Let’s face it, retirement usually comes with a lot of curb appeal. The landscape and lawn appear well manicured, the furniture on the front porch is colorful and inviting, and the hearts carved on the shutters are supposed to be the sign of a happy home.
Even as you walk through the front door, you may find a warm and welcoming environment, with things neat and tidy, and a sense that everything is alright.
However, those are the public places that we allow other people to see and experience. It’s our outward appearance, and similar to the financial focus of traditional retirement planning, it’s only a small part of who we are and what is going on in our lives.
The truth is, in every house, there are rooms no one wants us to see, places where the door is always closed or locked. It’s off limits and nobody has been allowed inside there for a long-time.
I’m talking about rooms of regret, loneliness, despair, resentment, heart ache, and fear. They are all very real parts of retirement that you can’t just paint or wallpaper over, hoping that those thoughts and feelings just go away.
You see, just as you hire an expert to inspect a new home for potential problems or costly repairs, so too is the case with the transition into retirement. A cursory financial review is great, but its critical to your long term success to find an expert who can check the other foundations of your retirement. In other words, the thoughts and feelings that hold everything together.
Unfortunately, many people walk into retirement, thinking they have a well-constructed home that may only need a few upgrades. But as the walls come down they realize their relationships are wired the wrong way, that mold has grown over their passions and hobbies, and that they have treated their health like a pile of laundry they just never get to and grows old and musty.
As people go through their first few years of retirement they try and rationalize that feeling out of sorts, less relevant, or isolated isn’t a big deal and that those feelings can just be shrugged off. But they don’t go away. In fact, they can get worse and end up derailing your plans for everyday life in retirement.
Several years ago, I was working with a client who was struggling with her transition. On the surface, it was picture perfect. She retired early, had plenty of money and lived in an exclusive subdivision. It was a gated community with large 1-2 acre lots and sprawling homes. In one breathe she confessed that it was everything she thought she wanted. Then in the next, she sighed, admitting she hardly knew her neighbors and rarely saw anyone inside. Her exclusive home and subdivision literally made her feel alone and away from everyone else.
The reality is, retirement is more than a lawn and front porch that has to be maintained. Which is why one of the greatest transitions we will see in the retirement landscape and financial services industry has to do with helping people prepare for the non-financial aspects of retirement. A process that will ensure people are prepared to clean out those rooms full of fear, regret, or resentment.
Building a strong foundation for retirement, starts by going beyond those front porch conversations. It’s time to recognize the role that retirement coaching can play in helping people remodel their identity, re-wire their relationships with family, friends, and neighbors, and move their health and well-being to the top of the honey-do list.
It’s time to stop dressing up the outside appearance of retirement and start building some sweat equity on the inside as well. Three simple ways that you can do this are:
- Identify potential problem areas. Just as an inspector will check a roof for leaks and the foundation for cracks, retirement issues tend to stem from common areas such as relationships and physical health. Therefore, take the time to look for cracks or leaks in the key areas of your life.
- Hire a certified retirement coach. Find an expert who can help you develop concrete plans for the non-financial aspects of everyday life in retirement.
- Be patient. You got here, one situation and one decision at a time. Working through issues of fear, resentment, or regret won’t happen overnight. Give yourself the time and permission to do what is necessary, no matter how long it takes.
Retirement can be a beautiful home both inside and out, but it will only happen if all the rooms of our life are open to the planning process.
