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Let’s talk about how to masturbate. It’s easy enough to get online and find articles that gleefully say things like, “Go forth and masturbate! You liberated goddess!” or, “Learn about your body by figuring out what you like!” Most likely, some of your favorite celebrities have talked about masturbation.
But, what about if you’re totally on board with that line of thinking, can’t wait to get cracking, and don’t know where to begin? Sex education in the U.S. (and across the globe, TBH) is kind of a disaster. Only 17 states mandate that students be taught sex ed that is medically accurate, which means scientifically based.
On top of this conundrum, schools aren't required to teach about pleasure. Everything is based on reproductive safety. You know, the old “here’s how not to get pregnant” spiel over discussing “how to pleasure yourself.” And while the former is undeniably important information, there is much more to sex than that.
In short: No wonder you know nothing about masturbation. It’s not your fault, bb. You’re likely not going to learn about how to finger yourself or the clitoris in school, the part of your sexual organs that is solely designed for pleasure.
In fact, the scientific community didn’t even know about the full structure of the internal clitoris (yes, this is a thing) until the 1990s. How about that?
Luckily, we have got you covered. Here is your no-nonsense, 101 guide to masturbation for vagina owners. From how to masturbate with your fingers to using toys, we’ve got your back. And remember: It’s not like you automatically know how to touch a clitoris if you’ve never even been taught what it is or what it does.
Types of masturbation
There are all kinds of ways to masturbate, and no one is better than the other. And trust me, we’ve all googled “how do you finger yourself” at least twice. Basically, it's whatever feels good for you. For people with vaginas, clitoral stimulation often feels really good, and might be the easiest way to achieve orgasm. Vaginal penetration can also feel good, if it's something you're interested in. If you do decide to try out penetration, you can locate your g-spot, another potential pleasure center to explore. While you're down there, you can feel free to try anal masturbation, by either rubbing your anus, or inserting fingers or a toy with a flared base (if you decide to try anal stimulation, always remember to use lube! We have a full guide on how to safely try butt stuff, so check that out first).
Also, it's important to remember that masturbation doesn't have to strictly involve your genitals. Touching your nipples, caressing your thighs, or rubbing any other area that feels good can also bring you pleasure. And you also don't have to stick to one kind of masturbation at a time — feel free to move from area to area as long as it feels good (but PSA: you shouldn't touch your vagina or use toys on your vagina that have touched your anus without washing them first as that can lead to infections).
You can try any of these types of masturbation using your hands, or you can introduce a toy if that feels exciting to you.
What are erogenous zones?
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the clitoris and g-spot (more on both of those later). But it’s important to remember that masturbation can be a full-body experience. Erogenous zones are areas of the body that can help ignite sexual feelings with touched or rubbed. Some common erogenous zones are ears, inner thighs, stomach, hands, the bottoms of feet, lips, and butts, to name a few. Keep in mind that any spot on your body can fall into this category; there is no right or wrong answer. They can also be more abstract — for example, staring into your partner’s eyes can be considered erogenous for some. A survey from 2020 called “The Erogenous Mirror: Intersubjective and Multisensory Maps of Sexual Arousal in Men and Women” looked at the differences between touch and vision when it comes to erogenous zones. Based on questionnaire responses from 613 participants, the study found that a person’s erogenous “body” can come both from physical touch and imagination.
What is an orgasm? What does it feel like?
You will know when you’ve had an orgasm. There isn’t much doubt about it. In my personal experience, I’ve found that it’s a slow build-up and then a wonderful, delightful release.
Sexual desire happens in four stages: desire (libido), arousal (excitement), orgasm and resolution. Desire is when you first begin to feel, well, the desire for sex. Your heart rate will quicken, your nipples may become hard, and blood will start to flow to your genitals. Next comes arousal, in which your responses that started in phase 1 intensify. The orgasm is the climax of your sexual response, and occurs when involuntary muscle contractions begin, heart and breathing rates are at their highest, and a flush might overcome your skin — known as the post-sex glow. The resolution is the time after sex, when your body gets back to its normal, unaroused state.
An orgasm can feel different for everyone (read up on how 17 people describe their own experiences). And while an orgasm may be the assumed goal of fingering yourself, don’t get too caught up in it and forget to enjoy the journey. It’s all too easy to spiral on the end goal if you’re learning how to masturbate for the first time. For some, the act of getting there is the most fun.
How to set the mood
Figuring out what gets you going can be super fun. This is a space where you can really let loose and experiment. A few ideas to get started: Try making a playlist for your masturbation session. Light candles or dim the lights. Surround yourself with the softest pillows you own. Slip into something silky or whatever makes you feel your best. Scent can also be a really powerful tool, whether it’s a spritz of perfume, incense, or a special room spray. For some, pornography is a great way to get into the mood.
How to find your clitoris
Let’s get down to the details. Take a hot second to look up a diagram of the vagina. The first thing you need to know is where your pleasure zones are located before venturing forth to explore them. The clitoris is a rosebud-like bump at the apex of the labia. It sits right inside the labia minora, at the very top. This is your vaginal pleasure center: Packed with 8,000 nerve endings, stimulating the clitoris is the best way to reach orgasm for many people.
How to locate your g-spot
Ok, so you've got the clitoris down. If you’re feeling a bit on the adventurous side, you can try locating your g-spot, too. Every vagina is different. Some people enjoy purely clitoral stimulation, some enjoy a combination of clitoral and g-spot stimulation.
Don’t get intimidated. It may sound like a lot to remember, but it’s really not. Don’t jump right into double stimulation. Locate your g-spot first. Do this by inserting one or two fingers into the vagina. Make a hook with your fingers and feel right behind your pubic bone.
You should feel a small, walnut-textured patch. The g-spot may actually the root of the clitoris, the internal portion. Isn’t anatomy fun?
How to masturbate with your fingers
Now that you've figured out your anatomy and what kind of touch feels good, next you need to learn how to masturbate with your hands. Start with the clitoris: Use one to two fingers to feel for it. It should feel just like a bump. Start experimenting with different pressures while you rub it in rhythmic circles. You may find that you enjoy more pressure, or less pressure. Every vagina is different.
Don’t get freaked out if it feels weird at first. Your first few experiences with masturbation might be a little bit uncomfortable and emotionally charged. It’s a new experience. Once something feels good, stick with it. Consistency is key.
While trying a bunch of new things right away can be tempting, during the first few tries, you want to focus on learning what brings you to orgasm.
If you're interested in trying to stimulate your g-spot, insert your fingers into your vagina just as you did when you were finding it. Take some time to press and rub the g-spot. See if that works for you. If it does, awesome. If not, stick with clitoral stimulation. Penetration of any kind can be quite intense for beginners. You are not weird if you prefer one kind of pleasure over another. It is your body and you have total agency. No one is allowed to tell you what you should or should not like.
Take it up a notch: Try out toys (and how to find the best ones)
Manual stimulation (meaning your fingers) will likely bring you to orgasm, but if you can get a small finger vibrator, you should. There are plenty of discreet, adorable, not-at-all-scary options to choose from.
If you need ideas, Dame makes a tiny vibe called Fin that is basically an extension of your fingers and perfect if you’ve never used a vibrator before. Or, you can go for one of these vibes that can give you an orgasm in record time, plus they look like beauty products. You can order these online and have them in just a few days.
You can use these finger vibes to stimulate your clitoris, or even to use on your labia as you stimulate yourself manually. If you're interested in penetration, you can look into a g-spot vibrator, or any variety of toys made for inserting into the vagina.
There are also anal toys that can help you acheive orgasm. The important thing to remember is that you’ll want an option made of a non-porous material (like silicone or stainless steel) with a wide, flared base, and you’ll need plenty of lube. No matter what kind of toy you’re using, you want to make sure it’s safe for your body. Shop for a toy made of a non-porous material, like silicone, borosilicate glass, or stainless steel. Why this is important: Bacteria can get get trapped in the tiny holes—known as pores—of a sex toy, making it easier to spread to other parts of your body or your partner’s body.
The world of sex toys is expansive and not all of them are made for penetration. Sensory tools like feathers and nipple clamps are meant to elevate the sensations happening throughout your body. Once you have a better idea of what works for you, it’s easy to add to your collection.
There is nothing shameful about having a pleasure product. Hey, I had my first vibe when I was 14. It’s a great way to have an orgasm and avoid both pregnancy and STDs.
Experiment with different positions
Now that you have the basics of how to touch yourself down, you can try switching things up. Rather than just lying on your back, you can try sitting, standing, propping your hips up with a pillow, kneeling on all fours, or any other position in which you find pleasure. You can also try masturbating in different settings, like on your bed, in a chair, or in the shower.
Pro tip: Use lube
If you’re wondering how to masturbate better, it may be as simple as incorporating a new tool. While the vagina provides natural lubrication, adding some extra lube can introduce a more pleasurable experience. Try a drop or two of a water-based, unscented lube for a new sensation (like this Sex Gel from Nécessaire). (You should avoid any scented or "warming" lubes, as they can be irritating!)
How to masturbate on your period: Is it ok?
Yes, yes, yes—it’s definitely ok! For obvious reasons, there are some precautions you’ll want to take to avoid a bit of a mess. A few ideas: Lay a towel out underneath your body for your solo session. Try fingering yourself in the bathtub. Plus, according to a 2020 clinical study led by sex toy brand Womanizer in collaboration with Dr. Christopher Ryan Jones, clinical psychologist, sex therapist and head researcher, masturbating on your period can help relieve menstrual cramps.
Remember, masturbation is good for you
Finally, remember that masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. Whether you masturbate with a penis or a vagina, it’s easy to feel nervous about it and confused by the feelings you’re having. You’re growing up and becoming an adult.
All of these new emotions and desires are completely normal.
Take some time to play around. Enjoy yourself and explore what makes you feel good. You’ve got this, babe. Masturbation is a stress reliever. In 2020, Tenga—a Japanese sex toy brand—teamed up with communications company Burson Cohn & Wolfe to survey Americans on their own habits and experiences. Of those surveyed, 71% said that the act of masturbating improved their mood. Outside of stress relief, masturbation has many other health benefits. It just takes getting to know your body with a little practice.
Gigi Engle is a writer and sex educator in NYC. She is a certified member of the World Association of Sex Coaches, and serves as a Pleasure Professional with the O.School, where she teaches classes on things like pleasure, sexual health, and confidence.
