23 Times Parents Taught Their Kids About Sex And Were So Extra

"The only sex talk I was given was in fourth grade when my dad drove me three hours away to this farm where he gets his racehorses bred. Long story short, we get there and he has me watch a stallion mount a dummy for its semen to be collected. Upon seeing the horrified look on my face afterward, my dad goes, 'Welcome to the miracle of life.' And that was that. He didn't say a word to me the whole rest of the trip. I don't even know if that counts as 'the talk' because all I learned that day was that horses have massive dongs and wanking them off is gross."

—walkingstickyleek

"My mom sat me down...Mind you I'd known about sex for years. She then proceeded to explain how dogs have sex, then said 'Imagine them as humans.'"

—Secludedanxiety

"I thought for a while sex could only be done with a married couple, except I have a cousin whose parents I knew weren't married when they had her. My mom just told me my uncle and his girlfriend 'slept together.' Until I was 15 — FIFTEEN — I thought you could get pregnant by sleeping in the same bed as a boy."

—skailyr

"When I was about nine, my mom and I were on our way to church. For some reason we were talking about how I knew Santa wasn't real. Randomly she interjects and says, 'So, you know about sex, too?'

I responded 'yes.'

We never spoke of it again. But it was like she was pulling off a Band-Aid. Didn't want to tell me Santa wasn't real, didn't want to tell me that sex existed."

—lillianw4202da76f

"I was 12 years old when I started my period. So, my father decided now would probably be a good time to have the birds and the bees talk. He sat me down on the couch, grabbed my little brother's Etch a Sketch, and proceeded to draw pictures of male and female anatomy, and explain to me exactly how sex works. Really, Dad? You couldn't have taken out of piece of paper?"

—b403559b2b

"My mom was explaining how sex worked to my nine-year-old brother. She was drawing stick figures to help him understand when five-year-old me walked in. I ran over and looked at my mom's drawings and was horrified. I ran out of the room screaming and crying. To this day my mom and I still don't know why I did this."

—paigem4cd9517ef

"I was at the doctor when I was nine and saw a basket of candy on the front desk. I walked up and grabbed a fistful and brought them back to where my mom was sitting. I proceeded to open one, realize it was not candy, hand it to my mom, and ask what it was. That's how I learned what condoms were and why / how people used them..."

—BustaLimes

"When I was nine my dad gave me the 'talk.' It was uncomfortable and all but he had these BOOKS. They compared stuff to fruit and crap. Let me just say I will NEVER be able to look at two plums placed next to each other the same way again."

—fix9

"I was in 8th grade, and sitting in my Catholic confirmation class. The deacon walks into the room and we had already known we were going to be talking about sex. He begins the lecture with comparing the male anatomy to a plug and the female anatomy to a socket. He explained to us that you need a plug and a socket to make it work. You can't have two plugs, and you can't have two sockets. A bunch of teenagers trying not to crack up. As if being a teenager wasn't already awkward enough."

—mea5045

"My mother gave me the whole, 'this is what a period is, this is what your reproductive organs are, and this is a penis yadda yadda yadda' talk. She didn't give me the sex talk though. I had no idea how sex 'worked.' I learned how sex 'worked' by reading fanfiction. That's like one step up from learning about sex from porn. Thank god all the stories I read had really accurate authors. That's also where I learned how to put a condom on a guy."

—AnnaLee10

"My mom majored in biology, so when the 'talk' came she was very scientific about it. She grabbed paper and drew the organs for me and labeled everything. It was like an actual science class. I didn't know about the actual sex part till later but I could tell you all the science behind it!"

—Cassdelion

"My mom told me sex only happened when people were married. I got caught kissing my female best friend in kindergarten. When they asked why we did that, I told them I loved her and we got married. They were stunned. My dad mutters 'well, she's not wrong.'"

(I'm straight and in a committed relationship. Still really funny to think about.)"

—ivyymoon

"I went to a 'purity' class at my church when I was 13. Examples of the curriculum included giving all the girls a plate of brownies, and then pointing to the last crumbled-up piece at the bottom that everyone had touched and saying 'No one wants that piece.'

I also was genuinely confused about how the menstrual cycle worked, and I got yelled at for asking if you could get pregnant while being on your period. I wasn't trying to find a loophole into having sex in seventh grade, I was just genuinely confused as hell."

—hq073198

"My mom met with me once a week for a few months so we could read a 'how babies are made' book, only it was written as a play, with dialogue, so I had to read parts that asked my mom questions and she would answer. It literally forced a conversation. And I was 10-11 years old, so the last thing I wanted was to ask follow up questions to this information. Looking back it was really the oddest thing."

—Kara Pearson, Facebook

"When I was eight, I heard a classmate say the word 'sex'. So I asked my mom what it meant. She says 'Sex is when two people that like each other kiss each other while naked.' That's it. That was my sex talk."

—Danielle Jane, Facebook