Don’t Hesitate to Reach Out to Friends with Bipolar—It Can Make a Difference

A little burst of communication, a simple message, can go a long way toward easing the pain of isolation, reducing anxiety, and warding against bipolar depression.

Small Moments of Communication & Connection

My grandmother used to tell me that friendship is like a garden: It has to be nurtured in order to thrive.

Isolation is the opposite of friendship, and the ongoing world health crisis—especially with its shutdowns and physical-distancing requirements—has created a pervasive sense of isolation in so many ways.

Opportunities to meet others in person became as rare as sightings of Big Foot. Socializing at school events, fund-raising events, volunteer venues, work meetings, parties, the gym, and more, just disappeared.

That is why little bursts of communication have come to mean so much. I cling to them, and I give thanks for them in my gratitude journal, because they help chase away the anxiety connected to the uncertainty and loss I have experienced during this last year.

There are so many ways to stay in touch with people, yet sometimes actually doing that feels impossible. Here is how those around me have, in small, but meaningful ways, enriched my life by reminding me that friendship can withstand and help us to overcome feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Snail Mail Surprise

I went to fetch the mail recently, and amidst the “invitations” to apply for credit cards, requests for donations, and takeout menus, I found a thick, black envelope with my name and address boldly hand-written in bronze metallic ink.

The return address listed the name of my childhood friend in Wisconsin who, despite all my name changes, had tracked me down a few years prior. What emerged from the envelope was the most elaborate handmade card I have ever seen.

The 3D cover features a bouquet of delicately hand-crafted daisies, roses, pansies, and other flowers in an array of stunning colors and complemented by a large leather fern. When I opened the card, an oversized, multilayered flower popped out of the center.

On the back of the card, my friend used the same bronze, metallic ink from the envelope to scrawl a playful message that began with, “So happy we were able to reconnect.”

Every day, I marvel at the card and think of her. She made the card herself, and I can tell it took hours. I am grateful for her thoughtfulness and the daily reminder of her beautiful art.

My Online Accountability Buddy

After mulling it over for days, right before the new year, I signed up for an advanced freelance writing class. One of its requirements was finding an accountability buddy with whom to exchange weekly goals.

I have been freelancing on the side for years, whereas my accountability buddy is a full-time ace. We chose to communicate on LinkedIn as a reminder to interact with the platform. I’m surprised that we forged a bond so quickly. Weekly messages back and forth from my fellow freelancer always bring a smile to my face.

Text Messages & Mixed Messages

Before unlimited texting became the norm, I remember having to tally my texts so as not to break my budget. Although I was an early adopter of texting, I have somewhat of a love/hate relationship with text-messaging.

It’s invaluable for sharing photos, information, and setting up appointments, but it doesn’t provide the same human connection that we find in a brief phone call.

One challenge is having to carefully edit and rewrite texts to those you don’t know that well. Fortunately, that’s not necessary with old friends or acquaintances with whom you experience an instant rapport. And that’s where I find the most value when it comes to texting.

With established friends, you don’t have to worry about how your text will be interpreted: You can communicate in shorthand. You don’t have to explain. You don’t have to give a backstory. You can simply ask for feedback:

• Do you like this fleuron for my book?
• Did you watch “Jimmy Carter: Rock-n-Roll President”?

It’s short, it’s simple, and it can give me a reason to smile.

The Importance of “Call Me Anytime”

My friend “B” usually ends our conversations with, “Call me anytime.” And she means it. Although we only speak, on average, every other week, it’s comforting to know that I have a friend I could call anytime.

What I love about speaking with B is that I don’t have to constantly edit topics of conversation in my head before I speak. (This is something I must do when speaking with my family members who together share an entirely different worldview than mine).

B is naturally empathetic, which means I don’t have to explain much. She listens without offering platitudes in response. B feels connected to the community, and her empathy extends to national and world events.

Taking a Chance to Connect with a Colleague

Last fall, I unexpectedly became a substitute teacher. Substitute-teaching via Zoom is one of the strangest professional experiences I have ever had.

For starters, other than babysitting as a teenager, I never had a part-time, on-call job before. Right up until the morning of any given day, I rarely know when, where, or if I am going to work. Also, there are close to 100 school sites in the district, and a half-dozen different school schedules.

Administrators, staff, and groundskeepers work masked, distanced, and on-site, as do substitute teachers. Getting access to a working laptop, a sanitized workspace, and the Zoom meetings is a challenge for everyone involved.

Further, campuses devoid of students and teachers are eerie.

But, recently, I met another substitute teacher while we were both getting our Chromebooks and accessories for the day. She struck me as down-to-earth.

On impulse, I asked her for her phone number so that we could compare notes about substitute-teaching.

A couple of weeks later, we chatted for about 20 minutes.

Her experiences mirrored mine. She too was only substitute-teaching 1–2 days a week. And her input helped me decide not to send to the corresponding teachers my information and areas of expertise—such as economics, English, French, and graphic design. This used to be standard practice for those who took substitute-teaching seriously, but now it only makes sense if the schools are open physically.

Small Moments of Connection Help Me Hold on to Hope

These bits of connection energize me. That boost of energy enables me to carry out my daily routines and, occasionally, to laugh.

Although I appreciate and admire online communication platforms, such as Zoom, too much virtual connecting leaves me feeling drained.

I know it’s still months away, or more, but these bursts of communication help me hold on until the gym, the workplace, and the stand-up comedy and storytelling venues reopen.

Originally posted February 23, 2021.