How to Accept Being Shy

Co-authored by William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC

Last Updated: October 6, 2021 Approved

Many people who are shy think of this personality trait as being a negative one. The truth is that it is not such a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with being shy, actually. While people may call you out on it by saying, "Oh, why are you so shy?" and that may embarrass you, there are many benefits to being shy.^{[1]
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Research source} You have a chance to think before you act. You do not get too close to people who may be untrustworthy, and you are approachable because you are calm in social situations. Since these benefits may not be enough to convince you should accept being shy, the following are some methods you can try to finally be able to love you for who you are - shyness and all.

Method 1

Method 1 of 5:

Finding the Positives of Shyness in Your Life

When you think about your past, you may not remember shyness being something that has benefited you. It's likely you remember it keeping you from that guy or girl you liked or the dream job you could have had if you just approached the CEO. While it's your natural tendency to think about the negative results of your shyness, you can change your thinking to come up with positives that came out of being shy.
2
Make a list. You probably can list many of the negatives of being shy, but switch gears. Think of all the ways you’ve been able to benefit from being shy.^{[2]
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Research source}
- Sometimes shyness allows you to listen to others more closely.
- Shyness gives you time to take in more detail about the world around you.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
  Licensed Professional Counselor
  
  Expert Interview. 27 September 2021.}
- Realize that even though you are shy, that you have a deep and rich inner life and inner dialogue.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
  Licensed Professional Counselor
  
  Expert Interview. 27 September 2021.}
- Maybe you've been able to catch what people are really saying when they speak because you are listening more than talking.
- You may have a tendency to analyze situations, so you know what you are getting into before you make a move.
- People might like that you don't take over conversations, but instead allow them to vent about their life without disruptions.
- There's a chance you enjoy being by yourself because it's comfortable to you.
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3
Keep a journal. A journal will help you jot down situations in which shyness has helped you. This will help you as you're journaling and later on when you read back through your entries. You can always go back to see how you've benefited, especially when you're feeling as though your shyness is interfering in your life.
- You might want to write down how your shyness has helped you in your career.
- Shyness can help with your relationships, even though it may take longer for others to get to know you.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
  Licensed Professional Counselor
  
  Expert Interview. 27 September 2021.} Watch for ways it does and jot them down.
- Don't forget how your shyness helps you concentrate on yourself, so you can figure out what you really want in life.
- Write down challenges you have faced because of your shyness and how you overcame them. This can help you next time you face similar struggles.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 5:

Loving Yourself

Take a long deep look at yourself. That is you. You are unique and you've done some great things in your life. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Pay attention to the way you feel when you smile at yourself. Don’t allow yourself to ridicule anything about your appearance or personality. Just embrace who you are at that moment. This is how you can begin to accept and love yourself. You are who you are and that is it. Remind yourself of your great qualities and say them out loud as you look in the mirror.
2
Hug yourself.^{[6]
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Research source} This is something you can do no matter where you are because all you need is your arms and body. Think about how you feel when someone hugs you. It feels good, doesn't it? Well, hugging yourself has the same effect if you do it wholeheartedly. It has the potential to reduce your stress levels and boost your self-esteem. It allows you to show yourself the affection that you probably haven't shown for a very long time.
- Hug yourself by wrapping your left arm around the front of your chest and over the upper part of your right arm. Wrap the right arm around the front of your chest and over the upper part of your left arm. You should then give yourself a soft squeeze. Stay in this position for as long as you would like.
- Pat yourself on the back. It's not exactly a hug, but it can give you the same benefits. Just bring your hand and arm up across your chest and over your alternate shoulder. You can then reach your back to give a nice pat.
3
Sleep, eat, and move. The better you feel physically, the better you’ll feel about yourself. Think about those days when you don't have a single thing wrong with yourself. You are probably in a much better mood than when you're suffering from a headache or other ailment, right? Well, this is why it's important to make sure you take care of yourself. You don't need to be tired and sick to drag you down so you feel bad about your shyness. What you need is to feel great, so you can celebrate your shyness.
- Make sure to get at least seven hours of sleep. ^{[7]
  X
  Research source} Some people need more sleep and others need less, but around seven hours is average. It's best to test out different amounts of hours to see how long you have to sleep to feel your best. Make sure to go to bed and wake up the same time each day.^{[8]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  
  Go to source} Yes, that includes the weekends.
- Eat foods that nourish your body. Your body is a powerhouse. It needs fuel to make it through the day. When you don't provide the fuel it needs, it starts to slow down and struggle when it comes to fighting off illnesses and getting work done. This can make you feel miserable. Don't allow yourself to feel that way so you can start to feel bad about yourself, eat the diet recommended by the USDA.
- Exercise. Your body isn't meant to be inactive. Your muscles and organs need to be exercised or they will become weak and run inefficiently. What results is feeling fatigued, depressed, and sick. You do not want to deal with that, so make sure you give your body what it needs to stay strong with aerobic and weight lifting exercises. Experts recommend that individuals should exercise at least 150 minutes a week if it's moderate and 75 minutes if it's intense.^{[9]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  
  Mayo Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  
  Go to source}
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Method 3

Method 3 of 5:

Surrounding Yourself with Other Shy People

Since many people who are shy feel alone in their struggles, it's nice to spend time with others who are feeling the same way. While it can be hard to get together with people who are shy since they are not as outgoing, if you're able to find at least one other person, you will see the benefits of it.
2
When you're at social events, pay attention to people who are by themselves. Those people are likely shy just like you. While it may not be comfortable to approach them because of your shyness, try to get close to them. If you're able to strike up a conversation, great. If not, being in close proximity may lead to the other person saying hello.
- When approaching someone, you can make it easier to say hello by making a joke about being shy. For example, "These social events are always so difficult because I'm so shy." Just saying this can help you accept your shyness.
- Know that other people may not be at your level of acceptance of being shy, so don't say something such as, "So I see you're just as shy as me..." Focus on your shyness and if that person is too, he/she will say something about it.
3
Start a support group.^{[10]
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Research source} It’s not too hard to start a support group in your community. Make fliers to hang in libraries, Starbucks, and other public places and then show up at the time and place you’ve indicated on the flier.
- This can seem outside of your element, but being able to step out of your comfort zone while still holding on to the fact that you are shy can help. Just know that all you have to do is say hello and ask people how they feel about being shy. You are just having a normal conversation with friends...ones who understand your shyness.
4
Start a Meetup for shy people. Meetup.com is a great way to find new people to spend time with in your community. You can set up a personal profile and then a meetup one for your group. Be sure to describe the goal of the group when you're creating a meetup. People will want to know why they should join your meetup. Once you have a few people interested, you can plan to meet them offline.
- You don't have to start your own meetup. There may be one already made for shy people. Search for one first before creating a new one.
5
Join online communities for people who are shy. These online communities often have discussions about how it feels to be shy, how to overcome shyness, and how to help others who are shy. It's a great place to work on accepting your shyness and meet others who share in your struggles.
- There are many websites and social media groups especially for shy people.^{[11]
  X
  Research source} Join forums on websites and groups on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Google+.
- You can start your own group if you don't see one that you like. This might be a good alternative if you aren't ready to start a support group in your community or start a meetup.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 5:

Researching the Benefits of Being Shy

Shyness has been the focus of many studies over the years. This is how the advantages of being shy have come about. Find studies that support the good in being shy and write down what resonates more with you.
2
Start a Google News Alert to keep up on the newest research on shyness. As new research is published about shyness, you will receive an email from Google News.
- You will need to put in keywords for the Google News alerts. Some of the keywords you may want to use are: shy studies, shy research, shyness benefits, and benefits of being shy.
- Request to receive the alert as soon as it is available to receive encouragements throughout the day.
- Adjust the keywords used in Google News Alerts as you see more phrases used in research that have to do with shyness research. You can have as many keywords as you would like, so put in as many as you can come up with to make sure you don’t miss anything.
You may be able to participate in the research or simply learn about what they have found in their studies. Usually, universities will have professors and student assistants looking for volunteers to help with data collection or information gathering. It's a great way to use your shyness to help yourself and others.

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Method 5

Method 5 of 5:

Seeking Professional Help

1
Schedule an appointment with a counselor. It can be difficult to accept yourself. Usually, this has something to do with your past. Uncovering the reasons you can't accept your shyness will help you. Sometimes, all it takes is understanding why you are so against it. By working with a counselor, you'll be able to comb through the roots of your shy personality and then work with him/her on how to change your perception of it to finally accept it.
- Check with your insurance company to see if they cover behavioral health.
- Search online for counselors who have experience helping people who are shy.
- Speak to the counselor on the phone if possible to ask about how she approaches helping people who are not confident about their shyness.
Not accepting your shyness can lead to depression. Depression can lower your quality of life and lead to feeling like you want to harm yourself or others. This is serious. Call your physician immediately if you ever feel this way for a depression assessment. There is hope for how you feel. You can love yourself.
3
Consider working with a life coach.^{[12]
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Research source} A life coach who has experience working with shy people will often have a program in place to help guide you through the process of acceptance. A lot of the steps have been mentioned here with embracing your shyness, loving yourself, and then learning more about the benefits. Sometimes, it can help to have someone there by your side to celebrate your progress towards acceptance, which is how a life coach can help you.
- Look for coaches online.^{[13]
  X
  Research source}Many coaches have a website to market their services so search for one with experience in shyness or confidence building.
- Coaches do not have to be trained or certified, but it’s a good idea to choose one that has some training in the area of life coaching. Look for that credential or check the International Coach Federation for coaches to find one that has fulfilled their requirements to ensure you find someone who will be ethical.
- Coaching is a partnership between coach and client. You and the coach will come up with ways to help you accept your shyness. Each session will help you move towards your goals of accepting shyness, and you’ll have work in between sessions to further help you.
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Expert Q&A

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Question

Is it okay to admit being shy?

William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
Licensed Professional Counselor
William Schroeder is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Co-Owner of Just Mind, a counseling center in Austin, Texas that aims to remove the stigma from therapy. With more than 14 years of experience, he specializes in cognitive counseling with adults on issues such as loss, life transition, happiness, relationships, and career exploration. He has also received advanced training and works with clients with ADHD and Aspergers (ASD). William and Just Mind have been featured in publications such as The New York Times, Business Insider, and Readers Digest. William holds a BBA in Marketing from Loyola University, New Orleans, and an MA in Counseling Psychology from St. Mary’s University.

William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Of course! There's no right or wrong way to be. Introverts are simply different from extroverts, but each type of person has its own strengths. Introverts tend to be incredibly creative, careful and refined thinkers, for example!

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Tips

Accepting shyness is a daily exercise. Review the benefits you have experienced every day.

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Don’t rush the process. It takes time to accept something about yourself that you used to not like.

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Remember you are a good person. Shyness doesn’t make you a bad one no one matter what anyone says…including yourself.

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