So you ghosted out of someone’s life without warning, and now you want to reconnect. Maybe you were busy or weren’t ready for a relationship, or maybe you were just scared. Whatever it was, you’ve moved past it, and want to reach out to give friendship—or more—another shot. Here’s what you can try.
Initiate contact
Going from “ghost” to “zombie,” which is dating lingo for someone who tries to bring a relationship back from the dead out-of-the-blue, isn’t all that hard. All you have to do is send them a text or message on social media, and bam, you’re a zombie. The stakes are low with that type of communication—the worst that can happen is you’ll be ignored—so it’s the easiest and least awkward method for both parties. But doing it in a way that will give you any modicum of success requires a touch of grace.
Choose your words
You don’t want to just send a message like “Hey,” or “What’s up? How have you been?” According to dating coach Francesca Hogi, you should be direct yet mature when you try to touch base. Basically, you need to be very self-aware about what you did, honest about how you feel, and apologetic if you feel like you handled things poorly.
For example, you could say something like: “Hey [person’s name], I know it’s been a while since we last spoke, and I know I dropped the ball, but I haven’t stopped thinking about you. Maybe you can forgive me and we can talk?”
There’s no guarantee this will work, of course. People who get ghosted often feel hurt, confused, and a little angry. Also, they may have long since moved on, so there’s a good chance you’ll get the same cold shoulder you gave them. Still, it’s the best you can do if you’ll otherwise always be left wondering “what if?” Acknowledge the passage of time, be understanding and respectful, and go in without any expectations. You never know; they might just give you a second chance.
This article was originally published in 2017 and updated on March 10, 2021 to meet Lifehacker style guidelines.