The Unlikable Leader: 7 Ways To Improve Employee/Boss Relationships

There is a secret to becoming a more likable leader. It doesn’t have to do with how tall and charming you are, or how often you give employees a raise.  In fact, we have evidence that the majority of the behaviors displayed by the most likable leaders have to do with the way they interact with employees on a day-to-day basis.  But first, does being liked by your employees even matter?

Most people assume it is possible to be an effective leader without being likable. That is technically true, however you may not like the odds:  We have calculated the probability as 0.052%.  In a study of 51,836 leaders, we identified 27 who were rated at the bottom quartile in likability but were in the top quartile for overall leadership effectiveness. That equates to approximately 1 in 2000 cases that a boss who is highly unlikable appears in the top quartile of overall effectiveness.  (We measured overall effectiveness through total results in a set of 360-degree feedback reviews.)

In a recent Harvard Business Review blog we discussed our likability index, which is a broad set of likable behaviors that go far beyond the issues of smiling and having a pleasant personality.  You can see these behaviors and take a self-assessment of your own likability here.

So, if you choose to be more likable, what can you do? To understand what actions most influence a person’s likability, my colleague Joe Folkman and I looked at 360 data from more than 51,000 leaders.  The results highlighted seven key actions that would substantially increase likability scores, as follows:

1. Increase positive emotional connections with others. Just like the flu or a cold, emotions are contagious. If a leader is angry or frustrated that emotion spreads to others.  On the other hand, if a leader is positive and optimistic those emotions also spread. Be aware of your emotional state and work to spread the positive emotions.
2. Display rock solid integrity. Do others trust you to keep your commitments and promises? Are others confident that you will be fair and do the right thing? We like those we trust, we dislike those we distrust.
3. Cooperate with others. Some leaders believe they are in competition with others in the organization; however the purpose of an organization is to unite employees to work together in a common purpose.
4. Be a coach, mentor and teacher. Think about someone who has helped you develop or learn a new skill. How do you feel about that person? Most people have fond and positive memories of coaches and mentors. Helping others develop is a gift that is never forgotten.
5. Be an inspiration. Ask a young adult what a leader does and often the answer you will hear is, “They are the boss, they tell people what to do!” Most leaders know very well how to drive for results. They demand excellence, and they insist employee achieve stretch targets. In other words, they push. But in reality, the best bosses aren’t perpetually pushing.  While they do “push” at specific moments in time, the most successful leaders are actually most effective at “pulling,” by rolling up their sleeves when necessary and pitching in with the team.  They are also effective in painting the picture of how things will be better.  Inspiring leaders and likability go hand in hand.
6. Be visionary and future focused. If you ever go on a long road trip with small children you will regularly hear the following words, “Are we there yet?” When you don’t know where you are or where you are going, it makes the trip seem interminably longer and substantially less fun. When employees don’t clearly understand where they are headed and how they will get there,  it makes them  frustrated and dissatisfied. They feel like a passenger with no control and few other options except to complain.
7.  Ask for feedback and make an effort to change. Here is the big problem: If you ask leaders if they are likable or unlikable, the vast majority would rate themselves as likable. The reality is that most people imagine they are more likable than they actually are.  The only accurate assessment, and the one that matters most, is the perception of others.   Our research has shown that there is a strong correlation between a leader’s likeability and the extent to which they ask for and take action on feedback from others. Feedback from others helps leaders to understand their impact (positive or negative) that they have on others.

You can be more likable. Identify two of the actions above that would most help you in your current situation. Make a plan for improvement and then stick to your goals. Ask others for feedback on your progress.

Are you a likable leader? How did you score? I look forward to hearing about your thoughts and results.