How to Behave Around Those You Don't Like

Co-authored by Evan Parks, PsyD

Last Updated: February 12, 2024 References

Being around someone that you don't like can be very uncomfortable. Maybe there is someone you work with who is constantly annoying. Or perhaps you can't stand to be around one of your relatives. It can be even more awkward if the dislike isn't mutual. If you have to be around someone you don't like, there are steps you can take to make sure that your behavior is still appropriate.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Dealing With an Obnoxious Coworker

1
Identify the problem. In many cases, you can walk away from someone you don't like. However, what if it's someone you work with who drives you crazy? Then the issue becomes a little more complicated. ^{[1]
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- When you are dealing with an unpleasant coworker, try to figure out the root cause of your dislike. Take a little time to reflect on what, exactly, bothers you.
- You might discover that the annoying person simply reminds of you that girl from college that you didn't get along with. If that's the case, try to separate your opinions of the two people. Your dislike for your coworker might not be legitimate.
- Maybe after some thought you realize that you don't like the person because they gossip about other people. In that case, you have a legitimate concern.
- Once you have identified the issue, you can figure out the most appropriate way to behave. For example, you could say to the gossiper, "I would appreciate it if you don't talk about people's personal issues around me at work."
2
Accept your own issues. Sometimes you just plain do not like someone. Maybe you've reflected on the issue, and you can't pinpoint any actual personality flaws. They're simply not your cup of tea.^{[2]
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- It's perfectly normal to just dislike certain people. However, in the workplace you can't let that control your mood or your day.
- Acknowledge your emotions. Say to yourself, "Sarah really annoys me. But I know that's not actually her fault. I need to learn to deal with it."
- If the person in question has never actually done anything offensive, just try to treat them the same way you treat others. Be courteous and respectful. You can blow off steam later.
3
Be professional. The best rule of thumb in any workplace is to always behave professionally. Even if you dislike another team member, you should not let it interfere with your work. Remain calm and respectful at all times.^{[3]
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- Keep the conversation focused on work. If your annoying coworker starts complaining about her problems with her boyfriend, you have every right to say, "We are beyond deadline on this project, so we really need to stay focused."
- Use a professional tone of voice. Avoid yelling or being sarcastic, even if you feel the impulse.
- Be discreet. If you have a problem with someone at work, take them aside and tell them quietly. You can say something like, "I've noticed we haven't been working well together lately. Let's try to solve the issues before our boss notices."
4
Use personal space. Just because you work together doesn't mean that you have to spend every moment in close proximity. Personal space is important. Make sure there is an area of the office that you can retreat to.^{[4]
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- Maybe your desk is right next to the person you don't like. When you feel yourself getting angry, take a break.
- Get up and move around for a little bit. Volunteer to take some packages down to the mail room, or go to the break room and make a fresh pot of coffee.
- If you're in a particularly rough patch, try working from home. Many companies don't mind if you take a day out of the office every now and then.
5
Stay positive. Keeping a positive attitude is one of the most effective ways to behave around someone you don't like. It can be difficult, but worth the effort. Look for something good to focus on.^{[5]
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- Most people have at least one positive trait. Spend some time looking for something about your coworker that you can appreciate.
- Maybe you realize that her presentations are really fantastic. You can say to yourself, "Karen might be really rude, but her Powerpoints have helped win us a lot of clients."
- When you are feeling annoyed or angry, try to focus on the good. You can also focus on something good in your own life. For example, try thinking, "Wow, this person is hard to be around. At least I have a birthday party to look forward to tonight."
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Coping With an Unpleasant Family Member

1
Find an ally. Life can feel pretty complicated if you have to deal with a family member that you don't like. Since it's hard to cut family out of your life, it's usually best to find a way to cope. Look for another family member to be on your side.
- Holiday gatherings can be pretty stressful, particularly if you are around someone you do not care for. Ask a favorite sibling or cousin to help you cope.
- Try saying something like, "Brad, I just can't deal with Aunt Linda. Would you mind running interference if she tries to corner me?"
- Your ally can also emotionally support you. Just tell them what you need. You could say, "Sally, I am having a rough time. Do you have a few minutes to take a walk around the block and let me vent?"
2
Use humor. There are many ways that dealing with family members can be tough. Maybe they criticize your life choices. Or maybe you have a grandparent who constantly complains. Humor can be helpful in dealing with all kinds of annoyances.
- Try to deflect insults with humor. You could say, "Yup, I sure do work too much. But that's what keeps me looking so young and fresh!"
- Say things in a light tone of voice. For example, if an argument is brewing, try laughing and saying, "Hey, I thought this was a party, right?"
- Bring up a funny memory. If the conversation is uncomfortable, change the topic. Try, "Hey, remember the time Mom burned the turkey and we had to order in Chinese food for Thanksgiving?"
3
Avoid touchy subjects. One of the trickiest things about family members is that they often ignore boundaries. Your relatives might have an annoying habit of asking deeply personal questions and offering unwanted advice. Try to steer the conversation in a more neutral direction.^{[6]
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- Maybe your mother is constantly asking you when you are going to get married. Avoid any topics that have to do with weddings, honeymoons, or anything related.
- Try not to talk about politics. You might enjoy discussing current events, but if you know it's a hot button topic for your family, avoid saying, "So, who are you all voting for?"
- Firmly and politely establish your boundaries. You can say, "You know, Aunt Nancy, the decision to have kids is between my partner and me. I would appreciate it if you could respect our privacy."
4
Handle a narcissist. Narcissists can be very difficult to deal with. A self-centered person can put a damper on almost any gathering. It can be especially frustrating if the narcissist in question is a family member. ^{[7]
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- A narcissist is someone who makes everything about them. They will find a way to turn any topic of conversation into a tale of their woes or success.
- Maybe you are really tired of hearing about your sister-in-law's ongoing kitchen renovation. Try saying something like, "That must be frustrating. Let's give you a break from talking about it. So, has anyone read a good book lately?"
- You can also excuse yourself politely but firmly. You can say, "I've got to excuse myself. Maybe next time we chat you'll be interested in hearing about anything that is going on in my life."
5
Put a positive spin on things. Maybe you have a family member who is exceedingly negative. Some people seem to just bring down everyone around them. It's normal to not like this type of person.^{[8]
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- The best way to deal with a downer is to find something positive to say. Make sure to phrase your questions very carefully.
- Don't give the opportunity to go off on a complaining rant. Instead of saying, "How's your fitness plan going?", try saying, "What is your favorite part of getting in shape?"
- Don't offer your own complaints. Try saying, "My resolution this year is to be more positive. So I'm trying to only say nice things!"
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Finding Ways to Ease Your Tension

1
Take care of yourself. Being around someone you don't like can be physically and mentally draining. It can be especially tough if you are putting in a lot of effort to make the situation bearable. Make some effort to take care of yourself physically and mentally.^{[9]
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- Eat a healthy diet. If you give your body the right nutrients, you'll be stronger, mentally and physically. Look for a balance of lean proteins, complex carbohydrates, and lots of colorful veggies.
- Get some exercise. Exercise is proven to boost your mood and reduce stress. Before or after dealing with the nasty person, go for a hike or take a dance class.
- Slow down. It's important to know your limits. Try reducing the number of things you need to accomplish each day.
2
Limit contact. In some cases, you have to be around someone you don't like. That's life. But if you can, take steps to reduce the amount of time that you have to be around that person.^{[10]
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- If the person is a relative, give yourself permission to take a break. There's no law that says you have to attend every single family function.
- Maybe it is a coworker that is bothering you. Try consciously spending less time around that person. Ask your boss if you can shift your schedule to come in earlier and leave earlier.
- If the problem is severe, talk to Human Resources. You shouldn't have to work next to someone who is legitimately interfering with your work.
3
Practice relaxation techniques. There are several things you can do to help yourself feel less tension. Consider adding relaxation techniques to your day. You could start with breathing exercises.^{[11]
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- When you feel yourself becoming upset, focus on your breath. Breathe in slowly, counting to 5 or 6. Then release your breath, counting as you exhale.
- Try yoga. Yoga is a great way to clear your mind. Look for a class near your home or work.
- Learn to meditate. Meditation is shown to reduce stress. Download some guided meditations on your phone. They can be as short as 1-2 minutes.
4
Take the high road. Sometimes it can be really hard to be the bigger person, but it is worth the effort. Your instincts might be to lose your temper or say something nasty to the person you don't like. Resist the urge.^{[12]
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- If you lash out, you will likely feel guilty and regret your actions. That will not help you find a constructive way to deal with the situation.
- By taking the high road, you will be able to gain peace of mind. You will feel better knowing that you were not unkind or unprofessional.
- Try to act the way you would act if they weren't around. You always have the choice to act in a way that matches your values. If you're loving, honest, and kind, be that way even when you're around a difficult person.^{[13]
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  Expert Source
  
  Evan Parks, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 26 October 2021.}
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Tips

It's okay not to like everyone.

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Treat people with the same respect that you would want not just for yourself, but for your son or your daughter, your mother, or for your best friend.

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