How to Know if Someone is Depressed

Co-authored by Mental Health America

Last Updated: January 16, 2024 References

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Depression is a serious mental health issue. Those suffering from depression need support and professional help. If you suspect someone is depressed, there are several signs to look for. Pay attention to any changes in behavior. The person may be sleeping less, eating less, or losing weight. Watch for any changes in mood. A person living with depression may suffer from mood swings and struggle to concentrate. If you believe someone is considering suicide, make sure they seek professional help.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Evaluating Someone's Mood

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1
Watch for a loss of pleasure. Anhedonia, or a loss of pleasure in daily activities, is a common symptom of depression. Watch for signs someone no longer experiences pleasure in activities they once enjoyed.^{[1]
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- You can notice this in subtle ways. For example, a formally social person may turn down invitations to go out. A co-worker who used to always listen to music at their desk may suddenly work in silence. A person who used to always be on the computer may suddenly stop using it.
- You may also notice a person just seems down or neutral much of the time. Someone may no longer smile as much or laugh at jokes. A friend may not seem happy or very present at social events.
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Pay attention to pessimism. Depression often causes a pessimistic overall outlook on life. If someone suddenly seems to be frequently assuming the worst, depression may be to blame. While one or two days of pessimism may just be a bad mood, ongoing pessimism over prolonged periods may indicate depression.^{[2]
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- Sometimes, this can be obvious. A person suffering from depression may say things like, "This is hopeless." However, often signs of pessimism are hard to catch. A person with depression may sound more realistic than pessimistic.
  - For example, if someone is depressed they may say something like, "I studied so hard for that test, but I doubt I'll get a decent grade." This may sound like the person is simply looking at the situation pragmatically. However, if these kinds of statements are made frequently, they may point to depression.
- If a person seems consistently pessimistic for many weeks, this may indicate depression.
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Look for forced happiness. Forced happiness refers to someone putting on a happy face for others. A person may deny anything is wrong and act more upbeat than usual. However, this mask cannot be maintained. As a result, someone who is feigning happiness may withdraw from others for fear of being found out.^{[3]
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- While a person may seem cheery, you may worry that something is off. A friend may always be smiling when you see them, but you notice them pulling away.
- You may realize someone who seems happy is turning down invitations to go out, infrequently returning texts and phone calls, and otherwise acting in a way that isolates them from others.
- If these patterns continue for more than a few days, this may indicate depression.
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Watch for mood swings. People with depression may have volatile emotions. A normally laid back person may suddenly seem moody much of the time. Mood swings are a very common indicator someone is depressed.^{[4]
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- Someone may be more irritable and hostile when depressed. For example, a friend living with depression may snap at you for being a few minutes late to a social event.
- A person living with depression may be very short-tempered. For example, a co-worker may become frustrated quickly when explaining something to you at the office.
- If this happens only once or twice, the person may just be having a bad day. However, if this pattern of behavior continues for a while, it may indicate depression.
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See if the person struggles to concentrate. Depression can clog the mind with negative thoughts. This makes concentration difficult. If someone is suffering from depression, you may notice a decrease in productivity.^{[5]
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- With depression, concentration issues can often affect social and work life. A friend who is depressed may struggle to hold down a conversation. A student suffering from depression may suddenly be turning in papers late or not at all.
- Missing deadlines and neglecting obligations is also a common indicator someone is struggling to concentrate. If a normally punctual co-worker keeps missing meetings and reports, this could be a sign of depression.
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Be alert to extreme guilt. People with depression may feel guilty. Guilt about every aspect of one's life may be an indicator of depression. If you notice someone expressing a lot of guilt, especially over trivial matters, this person may be depressed.^{[6]
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- The person may express guilt about past and present mistakes. For example, "I feel so bad I didn't work harder in college. I would have done better during today's meeting. I'm bringing the whole company down."
- A person experiencing depression may also feel bad for their emotions or existence in general. They may apologize for not being a good friend, or feel the need to apologize for feeling down.

Part 2

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Watching for Changes in Behavior

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Pay attention to sleep changes. Depression often causes changes to someone's sleep cycle. Someone with depression may struggle to sleep or sleep excessively. It can be hard to know about someone else's sleep schedule, but listen for any details they share or any changes in behavior that indicate sleep issues.^{[7]
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- The easiest way to know about sleep changes is if someone shares the information with you. Someone may, say, complain about not getting enough sleep or sleeping too much.
- Behavioral changes can also alert you to changes in sleep habits. If someone seems groggy or off during the day, they may be struggling to sleep.
- If a roommate, romantic partner, or family member suddenly seems to be sleeping a lot, they may be depressed.
- Keep in mind, many factors, including physical ailments, can lead to a change in sleep habits. Look for long term changes in sleep habits that occur alongside other symptoms of depression.
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Note changes in appetite. People with depression may eat excessively to cope with the stress. They may also not have an appetite and, as a result, eat less.^{[8]
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- If someone is overeating, you may notice them snacking more frequently and eating larger meals. For example, your roommate may suddenly order take out several times a day.
- If someone is under-eating, they may frequently skip meals. You may notice, for example, a co-worker suffering from depression stops eating lunch.
3
Consider a person's use of drugs or alcohol. Substance abuse can be a major indicator of depression. While not all people suffering from depression develop substance abuse problems, many do. It's not uncommon for a person experiencing depression to start drinking heavily or using other recreational drugs.^{[9]
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- If you live with someone who is depressed, you may notice them using substances more often. For example, your roommate starts drinking most nights, including nights before classes.
- You may also notice a co-worker or friend relying on substances more. A co-worker may suddenly take frequent smoke breaks. A friend may want to go out drinking very frequently and usually drink to excess.
4
Look for changes in weight. Due to changes in appetite and activity levels, changes in weight are not uncommon if someone is suffering from depression. This is often the easiest symptom to notice. Depression can cause as much as a 5% change in body weight in a month's time. With depression, someone may lose or gain weight.^{[10]
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- If you notice someone has put on or lost weight recently, and this comes alongside other symptoms, this person may very well have depression.

Part 3

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Paying Attention to Dangerous Signs

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Pay attention to talk of death. If someone is suicidal, they may suddenly talk about death more often. You may hear someone pondering about death often and bringing the subject up frequently. They may, for example, strike up a conversation about whether there's an afterlife.^{[11]
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- In extreme cases, a suicidal person may actually say something like, "I wish I was dead."
2
Listen to negative statements. A suicidal person may be very negative about themselves and the world. You may notice they do not think things will change, and frequently talk about this fact. They will have a general feeling of hopelessness.
- A suicidal person may say things like, "Life is too hard" or "There's no way out of this situation" or "There's nothing I can do to make things better."
- They may also be very negative about themselves. You may hear things like "I'm a burden on everyone" or "You shouldn't have to deal with me."
3
Notice if they are suddenly happy again. If the person who has been depressed for weeks, months, or even years suddenly seems happy and cheerful out of the blue, this could indicate that they have a plan for suicide. The person may be happy that they will end their life and escape their problems. While a depressed person becoming happy again seems like a good sign, in this case, it’s not.^{[12]
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- If you notice that a depressed person suddenly seems on top of the world, you should ask them why they are feeling so happy.
This is a major red flag. Someone may work overtime to pay off debts. They may also suddenly want to get their will in order. You may also notice a suicidal person giving away valued possessions.^{[13]
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5
Listen to any discussions of a specific suicide plan. One of the most dangerous signs of suicidal intent is when someone has a plan. If someone is trying to obtain a deadly weapon or substance, they may be suicidal. You may also find them writing what looks like a suicide note.
- If someone actually has a suicide plan, this is very dangerous. You should immediately alert emergency services. The person's life could be in danger.
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Act appropriately if you think someone is suicidal. If you suspect someone is suicidal, it's important to take action. Suicidal thoughts are a medical emergency, and need to be addressed as such.^{[14]
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- Do not leave someone you suspect is suicidal alone. If the person attempts to harm themselves, call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. You should also alert a family member or friend as soon as possible.
- If you're not with the person, tell them to call/text the National Suicide and Crisis at 988. If you're outside the United States, look for the equivalent in your country. In the UK, for example, they can call +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90.^{[15]
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- A suicidal person needs professional intervention as soon as possible. It's important to get them to a therapist or counselor. A suicidal person may need to be temporarily hospitalized.

Part 4

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Addressing the Issue

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Talk to the person. If you suspect someone is depressed, give them the chance to talk it out. While professional help is needed, just talking can also help. A person living with depression needs support from loved ones.^{[16]
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- Bring up your concerns with the person. You can start with something like, "I've noticed you've been acting strange lately and I'm a little concerned."
- Tactfully address any of the symptoms that concern you. For example, "You seem very tired lately. I know this could be for any reason, but have you been feeling okay?"
- Let the person know you're there to help. Say something like, "If you want to talk about it, I would always be happy to listen."
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Encourage them to seek professional help. You cannot help someone with depression on your own. Try to get the person to see a psychiatrist or therapist to address the issue. Counseling or medication may be needed.^{[17]
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- You can offer to help them find therapists in your area. If you're still in school, you can direct them to the campus counseling center.
3
Tell them you're willing to provide continued support. People with depression need continued support. Let the person know you're willing to drive them to appointments, help them keep track of their schedule, and offer other means of making their life easier while they're suffering from a bout of depression.^{[18]
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- Remember, however, that you cannot solve someone else's problems. While you can provide support, it's still necessary for the person to seek professional help.

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Tips

If you think that someone suffers from depression, never tell them to "snap out of it" or say "you just want attention". Comments like that will either make them harder on themselves or could push them to their breaking point.

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Helpful 16 Not Helpful 2
If the person you think is depressed recently gave birth, be aware that they may be suffering from postpartum depression.

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If your friend doesn't want to talk, don't push them to do so. Just let them know you're willing to listen.

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