Am I Afraid of Bipolar Depression Relapse?

Last Updated: 5 Aug 2021
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Allison feels fear is a trap and shares what she’s learned so far from her online research and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) to VAPORIZE it.

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Let’s discuss the fear of bipolar depression.

Do I have it? Absofriggenlutely. But not half as bad as before.

The last time I dug out of a depression ditch I was determined to lead a less worrisome life overall.

So I got into therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, (DBT), and they taught me  when I have a fear-based thought, instead of Fighting it, (which is intuitive, what you’d think would be helpful), to Accept it, give in to its say and then, Challenge it against reality.

If it doesn’t line up, (usually, it doesn’t), let it slide off with a Teflon mind.

Another thing that’s really helpful is to fill my brain with things other than depression.

I checked out a book by Alan Alda, figuring it would be an interesting book about an actor, and instead, it was full of belly laughs. (You know how big a deal that is when you’re depressed like that to laugh like crazy)!

I also checked out some….books that were celebrity autobiographies, biographies, half-truth “Tell-Alls,” and when I’m depressed, they completely lift me up!

So now I know that in the good times and the bad times, I’ve got at least some coping skills. The one flaw in my plan is I lack female friends. That’s because I’m always on my computer compulsively clearing my inbox. I am soooo over my computer being the center of my universe.

So, I’m outta here. But before I leave, please, take a few minutes to jot down your ideas and thoughts in the replies section below. My name is Allison Strong and until next time, on behalf of bp Magazine’s online community, bphope.com, Ciao!


Learn more:
VIDEO: Life with Bipolar—Do People Say, “You’re Too Intense?”
VIDEO: Bipolar Disorder and Too Depressed to Shower

About the author
Allison went to Stanford University on a volleyball scholarship, played professional beach volleyball, and has acted in TV and film. In the past, she has also been an Alternative Rock Disc Jockey for “The Edge,”“The Q” (Phx,Az) and “The X,” (LA). She also was an international music critic for Melody Maker (UK), had a weekly column (“New Noise”) in the Arizona Republic and wrote for Hits Magazine. When she had her first manic episode, she went inpatient and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Undaunted, she mailed out job applications (from the hospital) and landed at a local station. She loves the raw honesty of The Smiths, Nirvana, The Cure, etc, and follows new music today. Allison lives in Hollywood, Florida and also writes for The South Florida Sun Sentinel, The Miami Herald, International Bipolar Foundation, Psych Central, and NewLifeOutlook Bipolar. Her personal blog is: Bipolar Strength: Rebel With A Cause.
24 Comments
  1. Hi Allison,

    I love the idea of not always fighting against feelings that we don’t welcome, but I struggle to do it. I have lived with bipolar 1 since 1996, but really just getting started doing the things I need to do to live well. Your vlog is great for me building my tool kit.

  2. I’m going through depression right now. I stoppped my mood stabilizer because i thought it wasn’t working. Boy that was a horrible idea. I’m back on it but i feel nothing helps. I geel so alone. I self harm sometimes to get control of my emotions. I know i shouldn’t do it. My kids are older and i’ve tried explaining it to them but they don’t understand. My daughter doesn’t think i need medication at all. I have no friends because i have isolated myself. Sometimes my anxiety is so bad i have anxiety attacks and refuse to get in the car. I can’t drive. I have 3 autoimmune diseases also. Sometimes i question why i’m even here. My husband tries to understand but downplays my illnesses. I feel so alone.

  3. When I get out of my depression I usually do not have vivid memories of how awful it was. Thank goodness. But I am always waiting for the next shoe to drop. I am aware of any signs of a clue I might be spiraling again. I actually
    HATE this disease

  4. Hi Rebecca,
    Thanks for sharing that information with me. It’s important we know our treatment options and have a good doctor who will help us get whatever would make us feel better. I’m getting some 2nd opinions. Am researching Docs right now.

  5. Hi Alison–Great article, and it is also good to read your very honest reports about the downhill slide into the dumps. It stinks big time. After a full round of ECT for severe depression, I was stable for a big 4 months–woohoo–then hypomania for a few months and now I’m sliding down. We, my caregiving team, are trying to get my insurance to cover TMS which has worked for me in the past…but they are balking and wanting me to do more ECT instead. It makes me so angry! We are on the third level of appeal and I’ll hopefully find out today that they have changed their minds. TMS helps me, and I can keep working, and ECT is very expensive because my insurance doesn’t cover much of the ECT doc’s Bill. Grr. But I guess we have to keep on plugging away the best we can. I will if you will. Today I am grateful for a snowday! Hope your new med works for you!

    1. I struggle with depression too and have to change meds alot. Maybe more than most people.

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