Part II: Parenting Insights for Those Who Have Bipolar Disorder
This is Part II of “Parenting Insights for Those Who Have Bipolar Disorder” (Posted on June 27th). If you have not read Part I you can do so by clicking here—>
Based upon your responses from the June 27th post regarding parenting when you have bipolar disorder, I would say this is a subject that seems to be of great interest to many of you. Hopefully we can keep this dialog going in some way for the future. It’s a HUGE issue if you have bipolar disorder and are also a parent! We’ll figure something out for getting a forum going on this very topic.
In the meantime, here’s PartII of “Parenting Insights for Those Who Have Bipolar Disorder”:
Here’s #4-#12 of the insights that I have learned as I reflect on the years that I was parenting our two children who are wonderful adults and parents today.
4. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. You have to do things you do not feel like doing. Yes, sometimes I felt like going nowhere, doing nothing and locking myself in the bedroom. But, that was not good for my kids. So there were many times I simply forced myself to do things with and for them, in spite of how I felt. (Years later, I realized that having to do this because of my responsibilities as a parent was actually a blessing to me because it forced me to keep on recovering even when I didn’t want to continue!)
5. Children grow up very quickly so time is precious, the sooner you as a parent become stabilized the better for your children. The sooner you get stabilized, the sooner you get better. The longer you stay sick, the longer you don’t take responsibility for your own recovery, and the longer it will take to “recover.” I committed myself to becoming as well as possible for the sake of my wife and children. They were my motivation. It certainly was not “my desire” many times to move forward, but I did it simply for them. I owed that to them. And in the process I got better.
6. Don’t lash out with your words at them. Words can break a child’s will/self-esteem. Harsh words spoken over and over can breed bitterness within them and cause them to either begin to hate themselves or act out. I spoke way too many hurtful things that were said to my kids when I was angry/irritated/agitated and I regret them deeply. I’ve asked for forgiveness. They have forgiven me. But, the sting of those words is a thing they either have had to work through or have to work through. Hold your tongue. Walk away if necessary.
7. Thank God for your kids even when you hardly can stand them. Those with bipolar disorder who do not have children tend to have a harder time with recovery because they do not have the “built-in” motivation of children. Children are a blessing, not a curse, even if you have bipolar disorder.
8. Find someone whom you trust, whom your children know and love, that can be a sounding board for your kids as well as give you input regarding how your kids are feeling. Especially do this if you are struggling and not completely stable in your mood. Your kids’ need to process what is going on with you and how you are interacting with them. Chances are that they are afraid to confront you when you are overacting or being irrational in your parenting.
9. Know the difference between discipline and punishment. If you are not in a “good spot” know that you are going to want to punish as opposed to discipline your kids.
10. Apologize to your children when necessary; ask for their forgiveness.
11. You won’t be a perfect parent. You have and will mess up. After all, there are no perfect parents. Do the best that you can do. If you mess up, forgive yourself. Continually beating yourself up about your own faults and failures will only make you sicker and will only cause more harm.
12. If you cannot control your anger and are harming your children emotionally or physically, then find a safe place for them until you become stabilized.
Now as a grandparent I’m so happy and blessed to be able to say that up to this point, none of my grandchildren have had to feel the sting and pain of my bipolar disorder. Rather, I’m really at my best for them at this point in my life. And God willing will be at that point the rest of my life.
What have you learned? What are you learning about parenting when you have bipolar disorder?
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I really appreciate you sharing your experiences. I am bipolar and am well medicated and it is mostly controlled. My teenager with ADHD and some anxiety and oppositional tendencies is really putting my patience to the test. I have been trying positive parenting techniques and she is now yelling ‘no’ or ‘not now’ at me even when I even glance at her. Plus she turns her music up to high and refuses to turn the level down. Positive Discipline does not promote consequences ! Any suggestions !
Thank you for writing this. It is good to see that there is someone out there that shares the same thoughts that I have on this. Too many people make me feel like I am spoiling my kids because I let things “slide” because I don’t address things right away, but seriously it is safer for everyone if I wait. I’m not the only one who is Bipolar. Two of my sons are Bipolar as well. Things can get dicey fast even if I start off calm, so yes sometimes I just have to walk away and let things cool down before I can say “That wasn’t okay and next time this is how it’s going to be.” They know I’m serious and that I will hold them to it.
I was a undiagnosed/unmedicated bipolar 1 single mom. I am a much better mom mom so my daughter tells me.