The Intense Stigma of Bipolar Hypomania

I’ve noticed a certain stigma attached to it. People don’t take me seriously––sure I speak fast, am fidgety and have a mild flight of ideas but I am still capable of rational thought and I still retain insight and judgment when I’m hypomanic.

I have been hypomanic for the past few months. This may come as a surprise to people who are not close to me since I have still been able to function and continue to work and study.

I don’t keep it a secret from those who know about my bipolar when my mental health is not 100%, so family, friends and colleagues have been aware that I am currently elevated. Despite everyone being supportive and somewhat superficially understanding, I’ve noticed that there is a stigma attached to hypomania.

To begin with, people watch you like a hawk and normal actions can be perceived as bizarre.

The things you’re normally passionate about or interested in become a symptom of ‘mania’. In my case family are watching for the evolution of hypomania into mania, which I understand, but nonetheless it is still annoying – especially because I am an adult. I have found there are times when this illness does make you revert back to a child in the eyes of loved ones, particularly if they have had to care for you in the past when unwell.

There is also a certain amount of blame.

I feel that people think it’s my fault I’m elevated because hypomania is my favourite mood state. People see that depression is not enjoyable (to say the least) so they assume you’re doing everything to fight it. Conversely, most think hypomania is enjoyable so they’re skeptical when you tell them you’re trying to manage it. This assumption is untrue. No part of bipolar management is easy, however managing elevation is different because part of you is aware of the consequences of mania so you want to prevent it but the other part is having so much fun you want it to continue. You’re not only fighting bipolar, but also yourself. I work very hard when managing an elevated mood state and I certainly don’t do anything to induce hypomania.

People generally don’t take you seriously when hypomanic.

Everything I say is funnier, more outspoken or more radical than if I said the same things while euthymic.

There is the air of ‘oh she’s just saying/doing that because she’s hypomanic’ – that I have a diminished ability to work or that I don’t really mean what I say. Sure I speak fast, am fidgety and have a mild flight of ideas but I am still capable of rational thought and I still retain insight and judgment. It’s when I’m like this I do my best work as I form links and grasp concepts immediately, I’m very good at problem solving because I’m more creative, I’m confident in my ideas and abilities and I have the energy to complete a larger number of tasks quickly.

However, as with depression I have learnt strategies to restrain myself and to appear less elevated. Most of the time I think through impulsive thoughts before acting on them (an incredibly hard feat), before engaging in conversation I take a deep breath and remind myself to slow down (like calming yourself before delivering a speech), I forcefully have to stop myself from excessive socialising that may come across as odd, I write notes to keep track of scattered thoughts and if I’m sitting down working I set an alarm every hour to do a body check to reduce fidgeting. I also go for a quick walk after every hour of work as a reward. This keeps me focused, otherwise some days I’d be bouncing off the walls. Importantly I can do this because I am hypomanic, not manic, so I still have insight and some level of control – but believe me, it is hard!

Aside from others who have bipolar, a select few truly understand what it means to be hypomanic or still treat me the same as when I’m euthymic. The misunderstandings most have about bipolar is a motivating factor to prove to people that I am not always bed-bound with depression or incoherent with mania when unwell. Instead, I am fighting a hidden battle to continue functioning at my normal level, and most of the time I continue to do so.