Being the ‘other woman’ is just as awful as it sounds

Imagine you find your perfect guy, with the perfect hair, the perfect sense of humor and the perfect catch — he has a girlfriend. But, oh crap, he still seems to like you back. So what happens when you become involved in this deadly love triangle? We spoke to Sarah* about her experience as the so-called “other woman.”

“Being the ‘other woman’ is exciting, frustrating, heartbreaking and lonely. I remember when I first met Josh*. He completely swept me off my feet. He was like no one I’d ever met before. At the time he had just broken up with his girlfriend and said that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, but as time went on and we continued to speak, I knew that I was. He was charming, funny and sensitive in a way that I had never seen in other men. In short, I was smitten. We went on a couple of dates and I quickly realized that I was developing some very strong feelings for him. Unfortunately, they weren’t reciprocated and for a while we stopped speaking.

Then, months later, we bumped into each other at a bar. We sorted things out and agreed to be friends. He told me he had gotten back together with his girlfriend. Whilst I felt hurt and inevitably jealous, at the time I didn’t mind because I was so grateful to have him back in my life. The weeks went on and as we studied similar classes at college I would see him at least three times a week. We would grab a coffee here, a drink there, steal any moments we could to spend time alone together. Like a classic fool I fell head over heels for him once more. But he was still with his girlfriend.

He would always complain to me about how badly she treated him and, at the same time, would complement me in ways that I had never experienced before. When I was with him or even just speaking to him it felt like I was the only girl in the world. We grew closer and he would tell me things like how I was a ‘wonderful woman’ and a ‘ray of sunshine’. He would flirt me and I would flirt back. In hindsight I can see how wrong this was because he had a girlfriend (!!!) but for some reason, against all my morals and beliefs, I continued to see him. I was convinced that I was somehow special to him and that one day he would see the light and realize that he belonged with me all along. I was wrong. He strung me along like this for ten months, blowing hot and cold, giving me just enough hope to blind me from the truth. I was like a parasite addicted to the attention he gave me.

The situation reached its climax at a house party. We found a private room away from everyone else and I (being very drunk) poured out all my feelings for him. I told him he was one of the best people I’d ever met. I told me how I’d always had feelings for him. I told him how I though he was talented, kind, witty and caring. The part that frustrates me most about this is that he said the same. He told me that he hadn’t thought it was possible to have feelings for two people at once, and that he’d found this whole situation really hard. Then, he kissed me. And, for some reason, that was the moment I flipped. Oh, it was hard for him? How could it possibly be as hard for him as it was for me? I had been pining after this guy for months, I had done everything in my power to make him like me. He needed help? I asked how? He wanted to meet? I asked when? He said jump, I said, how high? The combination of guilt, lust, anger and disappointment was completely exhausting. And what was it all for?

After he left the party, he went home to his girlfriend. I went home alone. I then realized that’s how it would always be. It’s like he viewed me as this exciting prospect that he could never quite have. I felt betrayed, used and, above all, disappointed in myself. If I were his girlfriend, I would have been furious at his emotional betrayal. The things he said to me are not things that you say to someone you’re ‘just friends’ with. I felt angry that he was unhappy with his girlfriend but too afraid to end things with her. I felt completely worthless as I had never quite been enough for him to commit to, never quite been good enough for him to take the risk.

I often think back to when we rekindled our friendship at that bar and wonder if it was really worth it. I thought I couldn’t live without him in my life. Now, I realize, I’m going to have to. I’ve always been so against the idea of cheating, and now he has made me into the other woman. He’s made me into something I hate. Right now, I can’t forgive that. Only time will tell if I ever can.

But, being the ‘other woman’ has taught me one thing. Us girls are worth so much more than this. We deserve to be made to feel special by someone who will love us, and only us. If a guy can’t give that to us, then screw him. I’m so much happier now I’m free of all the stress that comes with a relationship, whilst not actually being in one. I though Josh was perfect for me, but actually, I can see that I was pretty damn unhappy. It wasn’t worth it and right now I know that I just have to focus on being happy with myself.”

So, there you have it. If we can learn anything from Sarah, it’s that true love doesn’t involved any triangles. It’s a one-on-one deal and if a man isn’t prepared to give you that, kick him to the curb because there are bigger fish to fry than fragile fuckboys.

*The names in this story were changed to protect the identities of those involved.