Part I: Parenting Insights for Those Who Have Bipolar Disorder

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I was 37 years old at the time. My wife and I had two children. Our oldest child was twelve years old at the time and our youngest was eight.   For approximately the two years prior to my diagnosis my mental health was deteriorating quite rapidly.   While I had experienced some mood issues and had been very driven by my work prior to that, for the most part I had lived with hypomania up to that point.

Needless to say that in the approximate two years prior to being diagnosed and the years that followed greatly affected my children. I wish that would not have been the case. But, it is true. My disorder turned their lives upside down during a significant part of their childhood and teen years.

From the point of diagnosis and becoming stable I began to attempt to repair the damage that I had done in my relationships. Prior to the diagnosis I had raged a lot and too often the rage was directed towards them. I was unpredictable, they never knew if I would be the “happy-fun” dad or the “dad from hell”. So, following the diagnosis I apologized and began to examine my parenting every step along the way.

Today, both of my children are grown married adults with their own families. I’m now a VERY good grandfather. I wish I could say I was as good as a father. Too often when I am patient and loving with my grandkids I painfully am reminded how difficult parenting was with bipolar disorder. It took me a long time to get to where I am today. And unfortunately my kids kept growing and changing. It took so many years to forgive myself and wanting to change the past and wishing I could do their childhoods over for them.

Recently I’ve spent considerable time thinking about what I learned about parenting and having bipolar disorder. Some things I was able to change and other things I realize today that I would be able to do differently if I would have been at the stage of wellness that I am today.

Here are a twelve things that I share with you about parenting when you have bipolar disorder based upon my experience:

1. Children easily trigger the best of parents. So, when triggered by your kids, don’t act out from your feelings and emotions. Take a deep breath and walk away and come back to the issue later. Too often with bipolar we simply lash out with words due to the intensity of our feelings/emotions (or simply being overwhelmed with mood) and we end up hurting the very ones we love. Plus, when anyone is triggered they will not make the best decisions at that point.

2. Never go without your medicine. A day or two of missed medicines can cause a mood swing which will affect your parenting with your kids.

3. When you are upset with your kids and they need to be disciplined “dial-down” your reaction, until you have settled down emotionally — you are likely overacting out of the agitation and irritation of your mood. I found that if I couldn’t keep myself from taking care of it “right then and there” (meaning I was so upset/angry that I could not keep myself from reacting) that was a sure sign that I should NOT be disciplining anyone else other than myself at that moment.

That’s it for this week, I’ll share numbers four through twelve with you next week. So, watch for part 2!  In the meant time, I’d love to hear from you. What have you learned? What are you learning about parenting when you have bipolar disorder?