How to Lean in for a Kiss

Co-authored by Connell Barrett

Last Updated: April 9, 2024 References

It’s normal to feel nervous before kissing someone you like, and the anticipation can be intimidating. It's often the case that both people want to kiss, but just don't want to make the first move. Learn how to lean in for a kiss so you're ready when the big moment finally happens.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Leaning In for the Kiss

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This is a really sweet and romantic gesture that will let them know you are leaning in for a kiss. You don’t have to do this step, but it might give you that little extra courage to go in for the kiss. Put your hand on their jaw or push their hair behind their ear. You can even softly angle their face towards yours.^{[1]
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No, they don’t have to actually say, “Yes, I would like to kiss you, please proceed.” Instead, check out your partner’s body language to determine if they’re comfortable with kissing. If they lean in with you, they want to kiss just as badly as you do. When you touch them and get closer, make sure they seem genuinely interested and happy about these advances.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Look to see if they’re glancing at your lips. Finally, see if they’re licking their own lips, as if to prep them for a smooch. Use your common sense to make sure that you have permission to go ahead!

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Adjust your height. In other words, lean down if your partner is shorter than you, or lift your head upwards if they're taller. If they're much taller, you may even need to get on your tip toes! It can be intimidating to kiss someone who is much shorter or taller than yourself, but it's very manageable. The important thing is to "meet halfway," so make sure you angle yourself so that you're closer to their height.
- If you're still nervous about a big height difference, Google "Shaquille O'Neal and Nicole Alexander kiss." If the 7'1" basketball star and his 5'2" girlfriend can kiss, you won't have a problem.^{[3]
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One of the biggest concerns when it comes to leaning in for a kiss is bumping noses. To avoid this, you need to make sure your face and your partner's face are cocked in opposite directions. You don't need to bend your neck at a ninety degree angle– keep it natural. If their head is already leaning to one side, casually tilt your head to the opposite side. If they are looking straight at you, with no tilt, choose a side, tilt your head, and they will take their cue from you.
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Relax your lips. Despite calling tightly pursed lips the "kissy face" in photos, this is not how you should actually kiss. Close your lips, but keep them relaxed. If you form your mouth into a tight pout, you'll look like a cartoon fish coming in for a kiss, and that won't entice your crush. Keep your lips relaxed until they're almost touching your partner's, and then you can slightly purse them. Just try to keep them feeling soft and gentle.
- It may sound silly, but practice kissing the back of your hand. Practice kissing gently, avoiding a tight pucker.
^{[4]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Once you’re close to their face, it’s time to shut your eyes and go for it.^{[5]
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Research source} Keeping your eyes wide open is a rookie mistake. As soon as you know where your mouth is going, shut your eyes. Don’t close them prematurely, or you could end up kissing their chin or their nose.
Whether it’s a quick peck or a long, movie-quality make-out, you’ve successfully leaned in for a kiss. Congratulations! Once you’ve had that initial kiss, you will probably feel more comfortable reading their signals and leaning in for a kiss in the future.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Sending the Signal Before Kissing

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^{[6]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Edge towards them on the couch or walk up closer to them. Just do something to show them that you want to be near them. As you get closer to them, start speaking more softly and more slowly. The idea is to make the situation feel more intimate. By getting closer and talking more quietly, they’ll know that you only have eyes on them.^{[7]
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Touch them. Initiate some sort of physical touch, whether it’s romantic or not. Hold their hand, rest your arm or leg against theirs, or even just find an excuse to touch their shoulder or back. Once you’ve had that first physical contact, you’ll become more comfortable. Think about big kissing scenes in movies: the two actors are typically touching in someway before the kiss occurs. Bridge the gap, and find a way to touch the person you want to kiss.^{[8]
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- If they react well to your touch, that’s a great sign. Obviously, if they pull away or look uncomfortable, respect that. That’s a great way to know they aren’t ready to kiss, without getting rejected in a bigger way.
This will let them know you’re thinking about kissing them, and that you want to be kissed. Don’t stare like laser beams, without blinking or glancing into their eyes. Just continuously glance down at their mouth as you touch, get closer, and continue talking.^{[9]
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Research source} They should get the idea.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Setting the Scene for a Kiss

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It’ll be easier to lean in for that kiss if you’re somewhere secluded and quiet. You don’t have to be the only people there, but you shouldn’t be in a large crowd of friends. Go somewhere where you can chat, and there is a more intimate vibe. Even if you’re at a party, try to go somewhere quiet where you can feel alone.
Make sure your lips are not chapped or cracked– that can be a major kissing turn-off. Keep your breath fresh, by brushing regularly and bringing mints or gum with you. If you’re a lady, you may want to avoid the bold, thick lipsticks. These can intimidate a male who isn’t sure what will happen to that make-up if he goes in for a kiss.^{[10]
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If you’ve been eager to kiss your crush for awhile and it’s just not happening, despite following all of these tips, you may need to just throw “hints” out the window. If you really want a kiss, and you know your partner is interested too, say it! They might be shy, but at least it’ll get your intentions out there and you can figure out if it’s going to happen or not. If you’re feeling really bold, say something like, “So, if I haven’t made it obvious, I’d really love to kiss you.” Then, if you get a smile or a “Same!” go for it!

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Question

Should I ask for a kiss or just go for it?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If you want to be playful, ask them to close their eyes. After they do, lean in for your kiss.

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Question

When should I lean in for a first kiss?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Wait until the moment feels right when you're alone. If the other person is leaning toward you and maintaining deep eye contact, wait for a break in the conversation to lean in for your kiss.

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