Hot Slut Of The Day!
Mariah Carey’s amazing train wreck New Year’s Eve performance! 2016 saved the most cringeworthy nugget for last and I loved every messy and magnificent second of it.
Homeland Security has probably opened up a file on Mimi after they got millions upon millions of reports of her bombing in NYC last night. Mimi was the headliner of Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and her performance was more spectacularly awful than Glitter from start to finish. Does anyone know if Azealia Banks hates Mimi, because if she does, she may have sacrificed a chicken to ruin Mimi’s performance. Or maybe the person who was in charge of sound is a JLo fan.
While wearing one of Iris Chacon’s old costumes, Mimi’s performance started with some sashay-away worthy lip-synching and it spiraled out of control from there. Something was going on with Mimi’s earpiece, so she ripped it off and delivered an awkward spoken word performance during Emotions as the backing track played. Mimi was able to yodel/lip-synch a bit during We Belong Together, but the whole performance was already a major disaster by then and I’m sure Mayor de Blasio called in FEMA. And I bet that evil demon Ariana Grande Latte was cackling in her dungeon while sticking pins in the ears of her Mimi voodoo doll.
If you haven’t already, put your face muscles to work by cringing while watching one of my favorite performance of 2016! You know that even Ashlee Simpson got the cringes while watching this now legendary performance:
Billboard’s source blamed it on that ear thing and Mimi not getting enough rehearsal time:
The singer had suffered from a tight and difficult rehearsal schedule earlier in the night was unable to hear through her in-ear monitor, according to a source.
The source told Billboard, “She didn’t have the kind of time that she usually gets for her ‘Mariah-ness.'”
And after Mimi demanded the firings of the sound people, the ear monitor people, her dancers (not including the one she’s currently dry humping on) the executives at ABC and everyone at Adobe for not coming up with a way to Photoshop performances, she waved away that disaster on Twitter.
Shit happens ? Have a happy and healthy new year everybody!? Here's to making more headlines in 2017 ? pic.twitter.com/0Td8se57jr
— Mariah Carey (@MariahCarey) January 1, 2017
I was probably as drunk as Mimi was last night and I still sang more live notes and moved more than she did. But that’s why that performance was 100% perfection. It had “over it” side-eyes. It had Mimi not doing a very good job of holding in her annoyed feelings about her dancers. It had Mimi spitting out sarcastic words of bitchery about the whole thing. It had Mimi trying to get the drunk people in the audience to Captain-Save-A-Ho her ass by singing for her. And that walk-off at the end…. It was the walk-off that most of my hook-ups do. It was theater and drama! It had everything!
Mimi shouldn’t have said that “shit happens.” She should’ve said that it was all intentional. It was a musical and performance art interpretation of 2016, dahlings. It was art! It was 2016: The Musical!
And here’s Mimi afterward looking like she would rather be posing in a SANS-Spanx and retouching photo shoot with JLo and Ariana Grande. What’s really weird is that the people around her aren’t throwing roses at her and bowing down for giving them a real show! (UPDATE: These pictures below of Mimi and the Goblin Prince of Evil were actually taken before her now legendary performance.)
Pics: Getty