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You need to know what you’re dealing with. Many caregivers need even basic information about what’s happening with their loved one. There are numerous resources, both in print and online to learn about bipolar. Dr. Berk’s website (bipolarcaregivers.org) offers information about the illness and self-care for caregivers.
Acknowledge your grief, anger, sadness, or guilt. Accept that your loved one’s bipolar will inevitably affect your family and plans for the future, and find new ways to enjoy your life.
An important strategy in self-support is incorporating “me time.” It’s important to step away from your caregiving role and recharge. This can be a hobby, taking a bubble bath, visiting friends or gardening. If needed, you can recruit other relatives, close friends or paid assistants to help with this respite.
Organize, prioritize, delegate, and get rid of unrealistic expectations about what you can and should do. Encourage the person with bipolar to develop a diverse support network, including mental health professionals, other relatives, friends, and peers. Make sure you have a support system for yourself.
As best you can, get into the habit of exercising, eating well, and getting proper rest. Pay attention to signs of depression, such as withdrawal, low energy, trouble concentrating, excessive guilt, and irritability.
It’s essential to ensure the illness doesn’t monopolize your life. To this end, discover your own interests and activities outside the home, outside the caregiver role and away from the mental health community.
While it’s important for helpers to have time away from the illness, it’s equally important to also have a peer connection. By having a network of people to help you, it will help reduce the sense of isolation that can be common. A support group needn’t be face-to-face—try an online group, forum or blog to connect to.
Relationships need to be nurtured with “bipolar-free” activities. Remember there is more to that spouse, child, or parent than the happenstance of the disorder, and that your loved one is, after all, your loved one. Thinking about what you get, not just what you give can be helpful.
During a period of stability, make it clear that you will walk away from symptomatic behaviors such as shouting or constant criticism. You may also wish to establish responsibilities that must be performed except in cases of severe illness.
Looking for, recognizing, and focusing on what’s good—your loved one’s courage or creativity, for example, or your own empathy and kindness—can make it easier to cope with the situation and encourage a better outlook.
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I think it helps to remember people do not choose to have Bipolar disorder. My son agonizes over the things he has put his father and I through. However, he is also the most loving son anyone could ask for, and he has very rarely “talked back”, even at his most irritable or depressed. We are hopeful for his future, but it will not be like we had previously expected. There has been a lot of disappointment and we continue to feel this, but he is the one who will have to take ultimate responsibility for his health and welfare (I say this with much trepidation!).
I have bi polar 2 so bad. It’s so agonizing and severe ruining my whole family’s life mine my husband’s. I pray, I fight but the pain is so intense I often blame and target different reasons during my episodes. I cry for endless hours histerically and my families kindness and sweet husband get treated like crap by me because of my anger lash outs. I have a hard time making friends on a deep level. I can’t function and feel anxious and disoriented and hopeless empty and paralyzed often. I often lash out at the ones who help and am afraid for future. I apologize and regret things I say every day, so many apologies. Bi polar is crippling He’ll. We apologize to all we love you and thank you beyond words xoxo
Going through this now with my husband, I never know what day I will have. I am the target when he gets angry he always accuses me of infidelity. I can not convince him that I am not cheating. This is draining. I need help.
Ignore him.
Just reassure him with a hug. That you would never ever do that. If you need to take a walk close by for a brother. Do everything in your power to understand its the disease causing the anger, which can take forever to tame. Ask what can you do to help at the moment. A short shoulder massage, foot or body massage can be a game changer, even for people with autism. Constant reassurance you love them and things will work out. If something hurtful is said chances are he will regret saying it and realize it was just the heat of the agonizing moment. The discontented of bi polar is unbearable and beyond painful. We reach insanity and hurt the ones we love respect and trust most. I have bi polar too and suffer greatly and my husband feels like you. We would do anything to Change and will never stop fighting to be able to in some way prove and show our gratitude. But it will never be enough. Try a massage when the flame starts. Giving space can be helpful. Sometimes things need to just pass. Our worst fear is abandonment. The pain is intense. Try to not take offense and give much praise for his good things he accomplishes says or does. Stay calm. Call a friend. Separate areas. Therapy a must. Xoxoxo happiness can still Be there
tired of feeling angry all the time. getting nothing in return
I have an adult daughter that is bipolar. I worry about what will happen to her after I am gone. Any suggestions from anyone?