How to Raise Body Positive Kids

Co-authored by Andrea Rudominer, MD, MPH

Last Updated: October 11, 2022 References

It’s important for parents to start setting positive models of relating to one’s body when a child is young. Children develop body image early in childhood, and much of their perception is influenced by family and culture.^{[1]
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Research source} Set a good example for your children and take opportunities to educate them about health and the influence of the media.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Communicating Healthy Body Image in the Family

1
Be a role model. Whether they show it or not, your children watch and mimic you. Set a good example by valuing healthy foods, exercise, and a positive attitude toward your body.^{[2]
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Research source} If you’re trying to lose weight, don’t obsess about it in front of your child. Instead, stress the importance of being healthy and physically fit.
- Avoid criticizing your own body. Your children may see this as normal activity and begin to mimic these behaviors. Kids that believe their mothers don’t like their bodies end up not liking their own bodies.^{[3]
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2
Avoid negatively commenting on your child’s body. Avoid mentioning your child’s weight or other features of his or her body in a negative light. If you’re concerned about the child’s level of fitness, sign the child up for activities like gymnastics, martial arts, or dance. Or, offer to take a walk together each day as a way to spend time together and exercise.^{[4]
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- If your child has a birthmark or other physical attribute that makes him or her different, don’t encourage shame or embarrassment. Say, “This is something that makes you different, and different is okay.”
Praise your child for having a beautiful smile, shining eyes, or a great fashion sense in clothes. More importantly, compliment character traits such as strength, perseverance, honesty, compassion, and harmony. Build up your child positively so that he or she can see the self in a positive light.^{[5]
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4
Remind your kids of who they are. A person’s body and appearance are but one facet of the self. Remind your children that who they are extends beyond looks; it includes the things they are learning, the things they excel at, and how they treat people.
- If your child begins to complain about his or her body, remind your child of the positive qualities, such as kindness, generosity, and playfulness.
5
Demystify body changes. Especially as a child approaches puberty, it’s important to take away the fear or mysticism about bodily changes. Talk to your child about the changes he or she can anticipate in the body. Listen to any fears he or she may have, such as being abnormal, feeling different because his or her body changed faster than other kids’ or hasn’t changed at all. Normalize the feelings and the changes in the body.^{[6]
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- Make sure you listen to your child. Show that you care by hearing the child out, not interrupting or just offering information.
6
Have a healthy home. Look around your house and ask, “What contributes to a healthy body image? What doesn’t?” Look through your magazines, beauty products, or supplements. Do you have any diet products or fad items to lose weight? Ask yourself what products and images align with your values of body positive attitudes.
- If you have magazines or products that deter from a healthy body image, toss them. Don’t allow them to influence your child negatively.
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Integrating Positive Perceptions of Body Image

1
Don’t ignore negative comments from your child. If your child says something negative about his or her body, don’t ignore it or brush it off. Instead, discuss it. Ask your child why he or she is concerned about the body, and why it matters. Talk about why your child feels this way.^{[7]
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- If your child says a comment about being fat, ask him why he thinks this way. Who told him? Should he believe this person? Why or why not? Is it important what this person thinks? What does your child think?
2
Help kids work through negative comments. If your child experiences criticism about his or her looks, help put it in perspective.^{[8]
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Research source} Help your child work through hurt feelings, then examine the comment further. Brainstorm how to handle comments in the future and how to stick up for other kids that may experience similar comments.
- If your child gets teased at school for her weight, assure your child that this was a mean comment and provide comfort for her. With your child, ask why some people say mean things. Then, together think of things she can respond with in the future, or how to respond to defending someone else. Teach your child to express what is hurtful in the statement. Teach your child to say to a bully, “It’s wrong to tease someone and it can hurt their feelings. Whether you like the way someone looks or not doesn’t change who that person is, and reflects more about you being mean than who the other person. is.”
3
Teach about the media. Teach your children that celebrities are paid to look a certain way and not everyone looks like them. Show your children that magazines often use airbrushing and editing to make people look flawless. Remind them that comparing their bodies to those of celebrities is silly, and that photo editing is often used to sell products.^{[9]
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Research source} Remind kids that celebrities and professional athletes have teams of people to help them look and perform a certain way.
- Athletes often have special trainers and nutritionists to help keep their bodies in optimal shape. Celebrities sometimes change their bodies for certain roles they play for a movie or tv show. These people pay others to help them maintain their image, which is unrealistic for most people.^{[10]
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Look for alternative media. Encourage media that displays positive body image. Avoid tv shows, magazines, movies, and music that are not body positive.^{[11]
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Research source} If something comes along, take the opportunity to talk about it with your child. Ask your child why it’s harmful to show this kind of behavior on tv or in a magazine. Ask what kind of effect it can have on people, and how that can be harmful.
- If you have a young child, it’s harder to have these discussions. Instead, simply say, “I don’t like this program because it hurts how women see their bodies. I’m going to change the channel.”
5
Emphasize different body shapes. Don’t allow children to think there is one “ideal” body shape. Remind kids that every body is different, and those differences are okay.^{[12]
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Research source} Look at people that deviate from the “ideal” image, and talk about how they influence society positively. Instead of looking at images of celebrities, talk about people with roles in government, religion, environmental groups, and health organizations, and discuss how their bodies don’t affect their ability to do good work.
- If your child likes to play with dolls, let your child play with toys that celebrate body diversity. Choose dolls with different body size, skin color, hair color, eye color, and hair texture.
- Take a look around your community and notice how different people look: people have different eye colors, hair colors, hair textures and lengths, clothing styles, skin colors, and body shapes. Remind your kids that these differences are okay.
- Remind your children that their bodies have changed a lot since they were babies, and all their changes are okay. As their bodies continue to grow, these changes are okay, too.
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Helping Children View Exercise and Nutrition Positively

1
Educate your kids about health. Do some research and inform your children about the benefits of good health. You can talk about nutrition, exercise, sleep, and stress reduction. Remind them that some “skinny” people may be unhealthy, while some with “bigger bodies” may have a healthy lifestyle.
- Health relates to lots of things outside of what one’s body looks like. When talking about health, stress the importance of sleep, relaxation, and having healthy friendships.
2
Avoid labelling foods as “good” or “bad”. Moderation is the key to good health. Instead of labelling cookies, cake, and brownies as “bad”, encourage kids to moderate their intakes and feed overall balanced meals.^{[13]
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Research source} If a child begins to fear food or associates food as “bad” or a “fat food”, it may either bring on more temptation or make a child rigid in his or her eating habits.
- Rigid views of food are often associated with eating disorders.^{[14]
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- Instead of focusing on how food affects your body shape or size, talk about foods that will help make a strong, healthy body.
3
Make physical activity fun. Stress to children that exercise is a fun activity, not a way to lose weight.^{[15]
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Research source} Exercise is a way to have fun and move one’s body, and should be experienced in a positive light. Involve children in activities that the child wants to do, such as soccer, gymnastics, dance, skiing, running, or jumping on the trampoline.
- The more the child looks forward to the activity and enjoys it, the better the association is for enjoying exercise.
4
Integrate health into your family life. Include nutritious food and healthy living as part of family life. Provide nutritious meals and snacks at home, and encourage all family members to engage in physical activity like team sports or exercise. Having the whole family participate makes the child feel less isolated and also encouraged healthy habits for all.^{[16]
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- Have your kids start cooking with you from an early age. That way, they'll be more likely to see food and eating as a positive experience, and they're more likely to enjoy a variety of foods.
- Get in the habit of eating dinner together each night. It’s a great opportunity to sit down, eat nutritious food, and communicate as a family.
5
Monitor concerns regarding weight. If your child is exhibiting signs of an eating disorder or body dysmorphia such as a preoccupation with weight, food restriction, talking about being fat or unattractive, or purging after meals, intervene. Reflect on and change any habits you have that may reinforce the behavior (like talking about your weight or problems with your body in front of your child). Promote positive self-esteem in your child and encourage your child to find healthy outlets for his or her emotions, like listening to music, going for a walk, or meditating.^{[17]
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- Eating disorders can affect both physical and emotional health, and it’s important to seek medical and psychological care. Take your child to a therapist to discuss emotional problems, and also take your child to the pediatrician to monitor health.
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If you have very young children, let them feed themselves as soon as they're able. Touching and playing with food will allow them to get used to different textures and tastes.

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