Credit: WWE.com
WWE has a lot of cruiserweights. Quick, name five. I know, me neither. Hopefully they find their footing on the Raw roster, because they were very entertaining in front of a fresh crowd in Boston. As beleaguered as the "kickoff" spot is, this could be a perfect niche until they grow out of it through a series of consistently entertaining matches. WWE needs to do a better job of making each cruiserweight unique beyond a guy who can fly over a rope. I like Tony Nese as the pocket-sized strongman and Drew Gulak as the throwback brawler. Cedric Alexander has an immediate connection with the WWE audience, and may be the only cruiserweight who can thrive without much of a backstory.
WCW's cruiserweight division thrived because the mainstream American wrestling audience had never seen the type of acrobatics perfected by the likes of Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero. But now that fans are numb to that style, WWE needs to go the extra mile in storytelling to make them care.
I liked Hell in a Cell better when it was smaller. When has an enclosed space become scarier when it grows? Go watch Panic Room with Jodie Foster. Remember how scary that movie was? Now imagine if that movie took place in a high-rise.
Roman Reigns and Rusev mostly bounced each other off the cell's walls to convey its danger, which is fine, but the walls of a cell are the third or fourth most dangerous thing about it. After a while, they just resorted to a stair step, a kendo stick and a chain. At one point, fans also chanted "get the tables," which tells you everything you need to know about how dangerous they think the cell is.
It feels like there was a strong contingent trying to out-hipster the hipster audience who boo Reigns. Dueling chants of "let's go Rusev/Rusev sucks," "USA" and "let's go Roman/Roman sucks" filled the TD Garden throughout the match. It's just fun seeing people react to Reigns. He feels like an outsider in WWE, in a good way, because it goes hand-in-hand with his Shield origins. He should have never stopped entering through the crowd.
My favorite part of this match came while Reigns, who wears a controversial protective vest, was getting hit in the ribs with the always breakable kendo stick. This prompted Corey Graves to say "Rusev is going to break Reigns' ribs!"
I don't think Graves knows how ribs work.
WWE might be on to something with Bayley losing a handful of matches in her first few months. Her popularity has not waned from her memorable debut, in fact it seems to be getting stronger. The Internet Wrestling Community—which has proven to have an influence on WWE—is a dark, desolate place that plays the victim just as well as it gravitates toward them.
If Bayley wants to be the beneficiary of an organic, grassroots rise to the top of WWE, a la Daniel Bryan, she'll need to take her share of losses. As evidenced by her legendary NXT run, Bayley is best-positioned as an underdog. I wouldn't be opposed to an angle where she goes on a losing streak and continues to urge fans to never give up as she works hard to get back to her winning ways. As I'm typing this, Bayley hit the Bayley-to-Belly on Dana Brooke for the win. What a waste.
When Chris Jericho appeared onscreen for the first time, he got arguably the biggest pop of the night. I say arguably, because the list got a similarly loud pop. Here's a quick reminder of all the catchphrases Jericho has gotten over during his latest run:
- "You just made the list!"
- "Stupid Idiot"
- "It"
- "Drink it in, man..."
Why do I feel like Raw Talk is going to be the opposite of Talking Smack in the worst way? Let's hope Raw Talk take cues from the laid-back, conversational and pseudo-shoot format of Talking Smack. Buzzwords like "explosive," "electric" and "combustible elements" need to be banned from Raw's post show.
"Big Cass is basically tagging with a sassy foreign object." - @E_McDevitt #HIAC
— Sister Midnight (@DangerousCommie) October 31, 2016
After months of admirable second-place performances, tonight was the night where Big Cass finally outperformed Enzo on the mic during their pre-match monologues. Though his "Larry Bird" and "Big Papi" lines were textbook cheap pops, they were used creatively and sent Boston into a frenzy.
It can now be safely assumed that the Raw Women's Championship match will close the show, which is great news because now Twitter will only be half as annoying for the next two hours.
Did RockTape buy some of those WWE shares that Vince and Stephanie have been selling off? And, while we're on the topic of accessories, how long until Seth Rollins' wrist bands falls off this time? I say six minutes.
Rollins being lawn-darted into the cell by Owens was a great visual and Owens seemed legitimately proud of himself for the spot. The double table spot was poetic as the biggest reaction of the match came from another weapon with the cell only being used as a support structure. This was a very good match, but given Rollins' athleticism, I needed more parkour in this one. Please don't Tweet me about how Rollins is a Crossfit guy.
For those keeping score at home, Rollins' right wristband fell off four minutes in.
It's a troll. Braun Strowman is main eventing against Norv Fernum #HIAC
— Wrestling Memes (@Wrestling_Memes) October 31, 2016
Brian Kendrick begging TJ Perkins to throw his match is a great heel gimmick. It kind of worked, so hopefully the new cruiserweight champion keeps begging WWE Superstars to lose to him and they begin second-guessing themselves because the man has a family to feed.
Kendrick's strategy adds a new psychology to cruiserweight matches beyond "let's go fast and jump high." It's also one of the most bush-league tactics a pro wrestler can use and heels don't do it enough. This division needs something new because the biggest reaction of this match came when one guy next to the hot mic told Kendrick to get a [expletive] haircut.
It's easy to get sick of gimmicks in WWE given the over-saturation of content. Still, The New Day remains one the hottest acts in the company over one year after finding its voice as a trio fun-loving comedians. Meanwhile, Cesaro and Sheamus' frienemy angle has revitalized both careers. Am I crazy to suggest that Sheamus has emerged as the more likable of the duo?
Sheamus is like a living, breathing Affliction T-shirt. #HIAC
— Jonathan Snowden (@JESnowden) October 31, 2016
Brock Lesnar on Bill Goldberg: "My message to [Goldberg's] wife and his kid: Don't watch. Please don't watch."
Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte is a historic main event/Hell in a Cell, but I can't wait until WWE gets past celebrating broken glass ceilings. It's not equality until it's expected.
Charlotte and Sasha Banks' entrances were amazing, but one month too early. They couldn't save these grand spectacles for a Big Four pay-per-view?
The stretcher tease was unnecessary for a crowd that was already on board and white-hot to see history. The entire arena was going bonkers prior to the start of the match, but the overdone stretcher spot brought things to a halt. Thankfully, the fans got right back into the match when Banks recovered. Charlotte's heel work was on point during the lulls where Banks was being loaded on the stretcher.
All in all, this was a very underwhelming main event with a few missed cues and a lot of down periods. Welcome to the main event, ladies. Here's to raising the bar.
