Trump, Love, and the Presidency

As a psychotherapist who specializes in the search for healthy love, I’m convinced that the way we approach dating reveals invaluable information about the way we live our lives. In this election cycle, I’ve seen the striking parallels between the ways we choose a life-mate and the way we choose our president.

For example, how many of us have fallen for “bad boys” and “bad girls”—the dates we know have serious character problems—but still make us wild? How many times have we seen our friends do the same?

It’s so easy to deny reality when it comes to love—and presidential nominees. Have you ever witnessed loved ones walk down the aisle with a partner you know to be narcissistic, abusive, neglectful, or deceitful? They have convinced themselves they are walking into happiness—but we see that they are probably walking straight into hell. In the end, it’s all about character—and when we forget that, we're lost.

That’s why the single most important piece of advice for everyone seeking a sustainable relationship is this: Stay away from people who lack integrity.

Stay away from narcissists

Stay away from abusers

Stay away from people who trample the rules of basic respect and decency.

The candidacy of Donald Trump is a stunning current example of this dynamic. This is not at all to discount the many concerns about Hillary, but in my opinion, those concerns, although fully valid, are still an order of magnitude different than those of Trump. Yet Trump's popularity is still undeniable.

Trump famously commented on this phenomenon: "I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose voters,"

The list of “red flags” in Donald Trump’s life and candidacy is chilling--and nonstop. Boasting about grabbing women’s genitals—simply because he could. Walking unannounced into a locker room with naked Miss Universe contestants because of his position of power. Tweets that are almost comical in their superiority and arrogance. "Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest, and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure,it's not your fault." A deep belief in the worth of revenge, "Get even with people. If they screw you, screw them back 10 times as hard. I really believe it."

And yet close to half the country is enamored of this man, many passionately so. How can this be? And what can we learn from it?

Trump holds so many of the qualities of the bad boy or bad girl who has at some point broken many of our hearts. He is wealthy, immensely successful, and powerful. His confidence is unstoppable. He lives in a world where the rules of decency, respect and honesty don’t apply to him—because he is above those rules.

Yet these qualities don’t explain enough. I believe that a key to his success lies in something related, but deeper: the dream that he promises: a dream that eerily matches the qualities of the boyfriend/girlfriend from hell: With his wealth and power, he promises us success, happiness and an easier life. With his xenophobic world-views, he promises us safety. In his passion for revenge he promises us protection. How many of us have been wooed by such promises in our search for love? How many of us have ignored obvious and blatant signs of seriously bad character—simply because we were unwilling to let go of our deep, intimate dream of the happy life we picture with our suitor?

In important ways, we do marry our president, for example, in the risk to our country's future—and in the appointment of Supreme court justices. I and many others watch with a sense of dread: Will we have simply have had some very troubling dates with Donald—or will we walk down the aisle with him?

To learn more about my work and receive my free eBook: Four Insights to Transform Your Search for Love, please click here

© Ken Page, LCSW 2016