How Walking Gets the “Wiggles” Out of My Head

Last Updated: 15 Jan 2021
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Even on my worst days, just moving lifts my mood—and sometimes it takes a little nudge from my dog to get going.

walking dog physical mental health bipolar disorder pets


“Chirp.”

My nearly 13-year-old cattle dog, Pika, is named for high-alpine-dwelling, adorable little fuzzy critters that resemble short-eared bunnies. They chirp! And so does Pika; she has since I rescued her, on a cold day in a small, desert town, at a lonely five weeks old. This trait of hers is charming, because it’s a cute and usually gentle way for her to communicate her needs.

It also can be superbly irritating. Especially when I’d rather just stay in bed. Under the covers. With TV remote in hand. Hiding. From the world. Because depression has a clamp on me.

Pika nudges her nose up under my palm as my hand dangles loosely over the edge of the bed. I don’t move.

“Chirp. Chiiirrrp.”

She extends the chirp, makes it a whine, and adds a paw-swipe to my hand when she really wants something; in this case, a walk. Outside. Now.

“Seriously? Arrgghh.”

The day I rescued Pika, I swore I’d care for her, even if all I felt like doing was being horrifically sad. Or if, conversely, I was busy-busy resolving all the world’s issues in a day.

Whether I’m too down or too up to feel like it, once we’re outside and walking, even on my worstest-no-good-terrible-very-bad days, just moving my body a little bit makes things a smidgen better, and we end up staying out longer.

I used to be athletic. Not a huge jock, but an avid runner, and always big into the outdoors. But over the past few years, I’ve had more than battling bipolar to keep me from getting the exercise I enjoyed. I was hit by a car, which left me unable to do much of anything for six months. Also, I finally was diagnosed with a heart/fainting disorder that during the past five years has worsened to the point where I can fall over without warning.

I delighted in solo sports. For me, there was nothing like a long, solitary (but with the dog) run through the mountains, or a three-hour hike in the desert (still with the dog), or even a power-swim in the lake (dog on shore). Long before I was diagnosed with bipolar & PTSD, I had figured out that exercise helped me keep my head a little bit clearer, smoother. Post-diagnosis, I became even more aware of the good that regular exercise does for me: if my body stays fit, so does my brain.

So now I’ve had to adjust. Fortunately, one humongous thing I’ve learned from having bipolar is how to do that.

I’ve rarely been a gym rat. I still prefer to watch the landscape go by as my body moves through it, and to listen only to my breath. Seldom have I had a designated “workout” save for road-race training. These days, though, because safety requires me to stay close to help, I occasionally go to the small gym at my apartment complex. I’m surprised that I find some enjoyment in it, and I can see the benefits of maintaining an exercise program no matter what. Beyond growing more muscle, spending an hour at the gym helps me blow off steam when stress gets to me. When my moods get “blippy” (a couple days down, a couple up), a gym workout can help me get the “wiggles” out. I’m listening to music again—I learned how to do the headphones-streaming-free-music-like-a-millennial-thing while working out. It’s a whole new world of discovery!

Developing a workout plan helps me set goals and achieve them. I learn what’s reasonable to do and stick to that. Going to the gym three times a week gives me a routine, a place to be, the knowledge that I am doing this specific thing, at this specific time, at this specific place, for the benefit of my body and my mind.

I like feeling strong, flexible, and better balanced. I like using my bed for the good sleep that exercise provides rather than as a hideout for depression.

I still go for my walks with Pika, close to home. Longer, more remote stuff: I go with my husband or a friend. The point is, being physical and adaptable remains critical to my wellness in body and mind.

“Go for walk?”

Shoes are on, and I’m at the door. Pika ducks her nose under my hand.

“Chirp!”

Printed as “On Second Thought: Why I Still Exercise,” Winter 2016

About the author
Beth Brownsberger Mader was diagnosed in 2004, at age 38, with bipolar II disorder and C-PTSD, after living with symptoms and misdiagnoses for over 30 years. In 2007, she suffered a traumatic brain injury, compounding bipolar recovery challenges that she continues to work on today. Since these diagnoses, Beth has written extensively about bipolar, its connection to PTSD, physical illness, disability, and ways to develop coping skills and maintain hope. She also writes about bipolar/brain disorders and family, marriage, relationships, loss, and grief. Beth finds the outdoors to be her connection to her deepest healing skills, where the metaphors for life, love, compassion, and empathy are revealed, and how her bipolar and other challenges are faced head-on with perseverance and determination. Beth served as a contributing editor/featured columnist for bp Magazine from 2007 until 2016, and as a bphope blogger from 2011 until 2016. She returned to blogging for bphope in 2019. Beth continues to work on her unpublished memoir, Savender. She holds a BA from Colorado College and an MFA from the University of Denver. Beth lives in Colorado with her husband, Blake, and her service dog, Butter. Check out Beth’s blog at bessiebandaidrinkiewater.
13 Comments
  1. My pup, Selah, has been a lifesaver. I can only go so far into my own head before she pulls me out.

    1. Beautiful quote.

      Thanks

  2. A pet and exercise-two medications that enhance your mental health care routine! I recently started exercising and it helped calm my anxiety, gave me balanced drive and confidence. It’s natures mental health pill! I struggled with these things even on lithium and quetiapine. Made a big difference for me. And my two cats know when I’m stressed, sad or fatigued. That’s when they lay on me. Other than that, they’re not lap cats. In my deepest depression a few years ago, another cat constantly layed on my constantly. She was the only being/creature that I emiomally connected with. My little ray of light.

    1. Thank you Beth for reminding how important regimen is for maintaining balance.
      I also struggle to get motivated. What helps is having made a commitment that involves walking 2 plus miles 3 x week. Although its not by any means athletic as the gym. Its the best I can do for myself at this time. And afterwards my mind is fresh and thinking is clear. I will continue to make a difference by doing activities that reinforce positive well being.

  3. I appreciate this article. I, too, have a dog who gets me up, feeds me, walks me, keeps me on a routine and gets me to bed on time. I have a free membership at two gyms that are near my home. I used to work out regularly. As great as walking my dog is, I know that it would be healthier for me to get back into a gym routine as well. I’ll keep working on building up the motivation to do so and your article will help inspire me. Thanks for posting!

  4. Beth, thank you for your article. I am learning that exercise really does work. I have been wanting to get a puppy that can be trained to be a therapy dog as well.

  5. Interesting article which resonates with me, a returner to regular excercises.
    I have gathered material in the form of journal reflections, work based reflections, photos etc in an attempt to record my bipolar journey.
    I cannot access your website. My google search brings your blog up but requests me to learn more about robot txt files. Clicking on to this requires registration, not sure what this is all about.
    Thank you

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