1.
this one has claws This one swims but can't fly This one is huge & runs funny This one bangs his head against trees - god making birds
2.
You've seen nothing until you've seen a picture of a pigeon having a job interview to become a pigeon:
3.
Why do birds Suddenly appear Every time you are near? Most likely It is simply perception bias. Aaaaah ah ah ah ah ah ah aah Perception bias
4.
Edgar Allen Poe? haven't heard that name in years
5.
Probably the worst part about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute
6.
wife: "what on earth are you doing?" me: "making a penguin" wife: "that's a pigeon" me: [opening freezer door] "not for long"
7.
I'm sorry if I've noted this before, but this bird description is still so harsh.
8.
It’s so awkward when a bird arrives back at its nest and the worms in its mouth realise that wasn’t just a free aerial tour of the city.
9.
Don't be fooled - orca whales are just penguins set to widescreen 16:9 instead of the usual 4:3.
10.
Most kids have a stuffed animal or blankie. My niece has one of those plastic owls u put outside to scare away birds
11.
There's a bird in the yard and she's shaking her tail feathers in hope of attracting a mate. HE SHOULD LOVE YOU FOR YOUR BRAIN, I yell.
12.
i've invented the Universal Bird Translator *outside chirps transform into chorus of a thousand LET'S FUCK and THIS IS MY SPOT*
13.
Death of a keyboard #cockatiel
14.
Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me they long to be/eating your sandwich
15.
birds are so stupid GET SEPARATE POOP AND PEE HOLES YOU IDIOTS
16.
Your periodic reminder that birds are dinosaurs
17.
retweet this to electronically sign my petition to ban windmills worldwide . we've had enough bird casualties . and for what ?more wind ?
18.
[inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
19.
this is so confusing. i need a bird expert to hold my hand and explain green herons' necks to me please
20.
If i could have a super power it would be to fly OH WAIT
21.
[god, creating ducks] Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know
Thumbnail via Fabiomaffei / Getty Images.