How to Pretend You Are Zen When You Are Stressed Out

Co-authored by Philip Glickman, PsyD

Last Updated: August 1, 2022 Fact Checked

Whether your kids' schedules have you frazzled to no end or your boss is hovering over your desk demanding those final reports now, appearing calm while under pressure is a talent not easily cultivated but definitely worth the effort. During a stressful situation, the body's natural tendency is to go into hyper-sensitive mode and flee––which may cause you to exhibit erratic and somewhat insane behavior.

Rather than give in to the stress gods, practice a new approach during a harrowing situation that will allow you to at least appear as if you are zen on the inside rather than the real feelings of being stressed to the max. In addition, as with anything you practice, the more you try this, the more your body will believe it and you actually will end coping in zen mode when stressful situations happen.

1

Recognize when you're in a stressful position.

A stressful situation will often sneak up on its victim, which may put you in an even more harrowing position if you're too busy convincing yourself that you're simply not coping fast enough with the problems being thrown your way. From dealing with the kids going crazy to being stuck in a 10 mile (16 km) traffic jam, recognize the situation for what it is and know that now is time to put on your game face and take care of yourself.

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2

Breathe and count.

The first step to looking (and feeling) peaceful is to calm the body. The feeling of wanting to scream, yell or basically run around like a chicken with your head cut off must be stopped before you lose control and blow your cover. Breathing and counting can help to restore some zen in an otherwise crazy moment:^{[1]
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Expert Source

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- Practice deep breathing exercises the minute you feel anxiety take over. Close your mouth, your eyes (if possible) and breathe deeply through your nose, down into your diaphragm. Allow the breath to completely fill your lungs. Hold the breath for at least three seconds and then slowly and deliberately release the air. Practice these deep breaths at least three or four more times (or until you feel as if you're gaining control over your emotions).^{[2]
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- Mentally count backward, starting with 10. One reason counting may help to relax the mind is because it provides the brain with something else to think about, rather than focus on your stressful situation. Breathe and count simultaneously until you feel that you can regain control over yourself.

3

Relax your body.

Starting with the tips of your toes, begin to mentally feel your body becoming limp––actually melting into your chair or the ground. Looking zen externally means that your body language must be consistent with being relaxed. To relax, your muscles must chill out, beginning with your feet. Visualize each muscle fiber releasing tension and relaxing. Work upward through your body until you get to your face––probably the most important body part for looking relaxed while stressed.
- Relax the eye muscles and try to avoid frowning or looking angry, anxiety ridden or upset. If you can't bear the stressful situation with a smile, at least keep a neutral facial expression.
- Become aware of the nervous ticks often associated with stress. Lip biting, fingernail biting, or knee shaking are easy-to-spot signs that you're stressed out. Know your unconscious habits and stop them dead in their tracks.
- Try self-massage. Massage your head, neck, shoulders and lower back. Even better if you can get someone else to do this for you––you can always offer to reciprocate when they're stressed!
- Try to do some guided meditations to clear your mind and help you relax even more.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Philip Glickman, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
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4

Concentrate on relaxing your facial muscles.

Unfurrow your brow, as scrunching it up is a normal reaction when overwhelmed with anxiety.
- One way to achieve fast relaxation is to deliberately tense your facial muscles and then release them. You'll notice the difference immediately. This can also be done with all your body's muscles.

5

Be deliberate with your actions.

Anxiety-ridden people often act erratically and sometimes don't make sense when talking or fidget incessantly, causing others to catch the jumpy mood. Instead of going into flight mode, be deliberate and slow with everything you do. Think slow motion.^{[4]
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Research source}
- Stop and think before you speak. Consider how your dialog will come across and what your delivery should look like if you weren't stressed out. Stick to neutral topics and avoid integrating negative words or comments into your delivery.
- Avoid racing around in circles or moving constantly. You'll appear to be frazzled and stressed if you don't practice grace with your movements. If you feel as if you are so tanked up with adrenaline, go for a short walk outside the building or wherever it's possible to walk, to try to release some pent-up energy and restore positive energy flow. Even a five-minute walk will give you the chance to unwind and re-focus.
- Don't make rash decisions while you're stressed. Being zen means that you're “going with the flow” so don't decide to move to Montana because a hurricane may hit your hometown in Florida.
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6

Surround yourself with nature.

If you don't have a wonderful view from the office, kitchen or wherever it is that you tend to stress most, then introduce one. Add plants that purify the air and add wonderful greenery to your visual space. Put up pictures of places of natural splendor, such as Yosemite, Yellowstone or your favorite local hiking trail. Images of pets, animals and flowers or trees can also help to keep you focused more on calm when you look at them.
- If there is a special spot you like to go to and it's close by, slip out to it for a half hour and soak up the serenity it provides. If not, take a photo of your special natural place and pin it to the wall or a board so you can use it to remind you of what peace feels like.^{[5]
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- Even just getting outside and walking for a few minutes can help you ease your mind.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Philip Glickman, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}

7

Tune into an environmental sound to help keep you centered.

Listen to the repetitive, rhythmic nature of your chosen sound until you feel calmer and more settled.

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8

Take short breaks.

Whatever it is that you're doing, break every hour for at least five minutes of different activity or rest. It is important to refresh your mind and to stretch your body. You will be a lot more effective for regular breaks than if you plow on through and you will find that doing this contributes massively to a zen approach to the tasks.^{[7]
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Go to source}
- If the rest of your team looks askew when you take regular breaks, encourage them to do the same, pointing out how much more focus they'll have when they return to the tasks. It may take some convincing but it's worth getting others on board. If they won't, slip off quietly and have your break unnoticed.

9

Smile and joke with others.

Smile naturally––a forced smile will make you look ghoulish. The best way to cultivate a relaxed smile is to completely clear your mind and focus on something pleasant or peaceful like a garden meadow or a sunset. The smile will come naturally if your mind if filled with positive thoughts. When it comes to jokes, keep the topics light, tasteful, and appropriate. If small quips aren't your thing, smile and stick to conversation about the weather.

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10

Be realistic.

If you've been tasked with more work, chores or responsibilities than you're able to cope with, no amount of focusing on being zen will work for you until you've sorted out a fairer distribution. Be prepared to speak up and tell your boss, spouse, coworker, friend, etc. there is more than you're able to tackle and that some of what you're doing needs to be offloaded to another. Keep your calm as you explain this and state just the facts, including the perceived consequences for the other person should you not be able to manage completion of the tasks or responsibilities on time or to a satisfactory standard.^{[8]
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American Psychological Association
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Go to source}

11

Learn to spot the difference between urgent and non-urgent.

The insistence of other people that something is urgent can cause you to assume that a task is urgent when, on reflection, you might otherwise realize that it is something that can be left until later without any harm.^{[9]
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Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices

Go to source} In fact, a number of requests to do things are often better for a period of reflection. When someone else insists that something is urgent, be zen and question the urgency. If it really is urgent, you can have the satisfaction of completing it within time for good reason. If it is not, you can have the satisfaction of giving the matter due attention in a more realistic period. Ultimately, having the ability to state that something will get done within a reasonable time puts you back in control and helps you to maintain a zen-like calm.

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Question

How do you fake being calm at work?

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Philip Glickman is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Wellness Road Psychology with two locations in Dobbs Ferry and the Financial District of New York City. He specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques, treatment of anxiety, and life coaching. Dr. Glickman is a member of the American Psychological Association. He holds a BA in Criminology and Psychology from The University of Maryland College Park and an MA in Forensic Psychology from The City University of New York. Dr. Glickman also holds a PsyD in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University.

Philip Glickman, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try taking a little break! Stand up and pretend you have to go to the bathroom and just go sit there for a minute and process what you're feeling. After a couple of minutes, you'll be better and can come back to the situation as if everything's okay.

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How can I calm myself in 5 minutes?

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Philip Glickman is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Wellness Road Psychology with two locations in Dobbs Ferry and the Financial District of New York City. He specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques, treatment of anxiety, and life coaching. Dr. Glickman is a member of the American Psychological Association. He holds a BA in Criminology and Psychology from The University of Maryland College Park and an MA in Forensic Psychology from The City University of New York. Dr. Glickman also holds a PsyD in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University.

Philip Glickman, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Go for a walk outside and get some sunlight! You can also get your phone and journal a little bit about what's on your mind what are you thinking about. Just let the time pass, as sometimes the wave of stress or emotion has to kind of wash over for you to let go.

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Tips

Get enough sleep. The less sleep you've had, the more likely it is that you'll not be able to cope well with stressful situations. Sleep restores your mental and physical strength, allowing you to call on more reserves to introduce a zen-like state during stressful situations. Even a nap can be refreshing if you've been missing out on the z's.

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If you feel as if you're about to lose control, excuse yourself from a public situation so you can be alone for a few minutes.

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Focus on dealing with harder tasks when you're at your most alert. That way, you can give them your full attention and concentration, and these will be less likely to weigh heavily on you for the rest of the stressful period. Even if you can only get started on these tasks and have to come back to them periodically to complete them, the act of starting on them can relieve you of much tension.

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Warnings

Sometimes glazing over what is really bothering you can cause a negative physical reaction. From breaking out in hives or a rash to chest pain. Get to the root of your anxiety before it takes a toll on your health.

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