Here's A Short List Of Times Britain's New Foreign Secretary Was The Best Diplomat Ever

It was part of a whole article from 2002 in The Spectator, where he was formerly editor, about how Brits shouldn't really feel all that bad about colonialism.

"Napoleon, Hitler, various people tried this out, and it ends tragically," Johnson told British newspaper the Sunday Telegraph, where "it" refers to building a united Europe. "The EU is an attempt to do this by different methods."

Here's the full thing, which by the way he wrote THIS YEAR:

There was a young fellow from Ankara
Who was a terrific wankerer
Till he sowed his wild oats
With the help of a goat
But he didn’t even stop to thankera.

The row began when Obama backed Britain remaining in the European Union and escalated when Johnson wrote an article for The Sun in which he lambasted Obama for moving a bust of Winston Churchill out of the Oval Office. Really. Obama responded that he loves Churchill and basically subtweeted Johnson instead of calling him out directly.

"I say this respectfully to our Chinese hosts, who have excelled so magnificently at Ping-pong," he said during the handover of the Olympics from Beijing to London back in 2008. "Ping-pong was invented on the dining tables of England in the 19th century and it was called Wiff-waff!”

(Literally nobody had any idea what he was on about.)

"For 10 years we in the Tory Party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing," he wrote in an op-ed in the Telegraph in 2006. He later said he would "add Papua New Guinea to [his] global itinerary of apology."

"What a relief it must be for Blair to get out of England. It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies," he wrote in 2002.

He later apologized and said he's not racist — something he also had to do and say regarding an article claiming black people have lower IQ than other races that was published when he was editing The Spectator.

"Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3," he once claimed. Johnson also once joked that women only go to college to find husbands, in the all-too-recent year of 2013.

He's also penned an ode to beach volleyball that read: "As I write these words there are semi-naked women playing beach volleyball in the middle of the Horse Guards Parade immortalised by Canaletto. They are glistening like wet otters and the water is splashing off the brims of the spectators’ sou’westers."