Healing from narcissism starts with recognising the underlying emotional wounds that drive self-centred behaviours. This guide offers practical steps to help you develop self-awareness, foster empathy, and build healthier relationships. It’s not about changing who you are, but about reconnecting with your true self and cultivating emotional growth. Through self-reflection and a willingness to change, you can embark on a path toward healing and personal fulfilment.

Method 1
Method 1 of 5:

Identifying narcissistic personality disorder

  1. The only way to diagnose narcissistic personality disorder is by seeking professional help, as there are so many overlaps with other conditions such as:
    • Autism spectrum disorder
    • Other cluster B personality disorders
    • Bipolar disorder
  2. When somebody brings up a personal achievement of their own, how do you feel? Although outwardly you may put on an act of caring and support, people with NPD struggle to actually FEEL happy for the person, rather feeling a deep hole in them of jealousy.
    • Another symptom is assuming that others are envious of you. Even just constantly thinking about this and fantasising of whether they are or not can be a part of this disorder.
  3. Are you okay with being lower than others? Are you "perfectionistic" to the point of needing to be the best at everything you do? Narcissists love the praise they get from this perfectionism they often display, as it fills the deep self hatred they actually have. Narcissists rely on this "supply" as a method of covering the deep wounds they have that cause them to have this contradictory belief that they are the best whilst also deeply hating themselves. [1]
  4. Dreaming of wealth and success rampantly is a very common NPD symptom. Constantly thinking about getting others approval and ways to do so may be a factor. [2] [3]
  5. This may be harder to spot, as you won't necessarily think of your actions as manipulation. Are you good at getting what you want out of a situation? Can you make things go your way using your emotions or talking your way into things? Eventually you'll become more aware of which actions are manipulative, which may either make you feel more powerful or more insecure and embarrassed. A good bet is that it'll be both. Remember narcissism spawns from this contradictory self confidence and self loathing. [4]
  6. Narcissists have cognitive empathy rather than emotional empathy. This means they are good at thinking about how others are feeling rather than picking up on the emotion and feeling it themselves.[5] Both types of empathy are important for maintaining our relationships, however people with NPD struggle to feel the emotion of their peers, especially if they can't relate it to themselves.[6]
    • For emotional empathy, how do you feel sitting with someone crying? How you feel. Not how you act, as you can use cognitive empathy to work that out. A narcissist will not feel the sadness of the other person in the same way as a non-narcissist would.
  7. [7] People with NPD often feel as if they are unique or special to a degree that is atypical. Are you more unique than your peers? Do you feel as if you stand out in a crowd? You may meet this criterion if so.
    • Believing you deserve special treatment. This symptom may present in different ways for different people, however is characterised by the belief that what you take, or ask of, from others, you deserve. You as a person "deserve better". You don't need to follow the rules or guidelines? Why would you. You're above that, right?
  8. Especially in vulnerable narcissists, [8] living off of compliments, social media likes, academic praise or whatever your form of "supply" is, is EXTREMELY common. [9]
  9. [10] Vulnerable narcissists, as opposed to grandiose narcissists, have low self esteem and are extremely self conscious. Here are the textbook terms to describe such a person:[11]
    • Self centred-ness
    • Avoidance
    • Hypersensitivity to others opinions
    • Neurotic nature
    • Disagreeableness
  10. [12] The grandiose narcissist is the textbook idea of a narcissist. Remember the symptoms do crossover between the two. [13]
    • Arrogance
    • Exaggerated self esteem
    • Impulsivity
    • A belief that you should only associate with special or powerful people
    • Anger, hostility, and verbal or physical aggression when confronted


Method 2
Method 2 of 5:

Acknowledging the problem

  1. Spend time thinking about your behaviours and actions and how they may be negatively affecting the world even without that being your intention. This is a hard process as it involves a lot of thought that WILL contradict how you thought you were living your life.
    • Narcissists tend to be very self aware about some things, however you may not realise your favourable opinion of yourself may be masking your detrimental behaviours.[14]
  2. Take some time to write down any behaviours you may have that have impacted others negatively. Do you only engage in conversations where you are the main talking point? Do you boss anyone in your life around without regard for their wellbeing? Are you great at getting what you want out of situations, not allowing for others to do so also?
  3. Accept that your behaviour may be driven by deeper, unresolved issues[15] and that it's within your power to change. Trace them back if you wish, remembering that explanations do NOT excuse your abuse or negativity. Having the knowledge of what makes you act the way you do, will help on your path to recovery.
  4. Look back on your childhood, remembering if you were over-praised, bullied, had traumatic events etc. Look to your family- have you ever noticed a narcissist in your family? The genetic component [16] is a high factor in developing NPD, along with the likelihood that you were emotionally abused as a child if your parent, grandparent or other caregiver had NPD also.
Method 3
Method 3 of 5:

Seeking professional help

  1. The first thing you should do is find a therapist who is qualified in NPD support, as the suggested treatment that gives the best outcomes for narcissists in recovery is talk therapy. [17]
    • Finding a specialist in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is a must.
    • There are no medicines prescribed for specifically NPD, however if you also suffer from depression (which is possible) you may want to try an antidepressant such as sertraline or fluoxetine.
  2. Be honest with your therapist. Therapy isn't a race, you don't need to treat it as such. There is no easy path through this stuff, you gotta take the time you need or else there is not much point even attending therapy. Don't try to make a good impression on your therapist, they don't need to hear you self-victimising, be truthful about your intentions.
  3. [18] Cognitive behavioural therapy is a form of talk therapy which works by changing the way you think and behave over time. [19] It's often used for those with traumatic backgrounds, which you likely have if you're a narcissist.
  4. If neglect or childhood trauma begin to come up in therapy, begin to address these with your therapist to overcome the damage they have left on you. Childhood trauma can include more minor things than you might be imagining, such as being cast out by peers, verbal abuse, growing up autistic etc.
    • Take a break if it gets too much. It isn't a race. You can't "win" at therapy, remember that.
Method 4
Method 4 of 5:

Developing Self-Awareness and Emotional Regulation

  1. This will help you come to clarity on why you behave in the ways that you do. Remember not to treat your journal as a competition, it is for your benefit that you authentically write down your own thoughts and happenstance.
    • Think of a situation that happened and explain it without any judgement or feelings involved. Then write how it made you feel.
    • Start to unpack why you did what you did and what your intentions genuinely were.
    • Just write down your thoughts. It can be useful to later reflect on these, and having a well kept journal is also a great way of remembering different events which you can discuss with a therapist if desired.
  2. [20] Mindfulness, such as meditation, breathing exercises or even just walking mindfully have been proven to treat personality disorders, and remember, you aren't above this. It sounds simple, because it is. We are simple beings, all of us, remember you aren't better than mindfulness. The techniques used have been proven to work, so give them a shot if you really want to develop your self awareness.
  3. [21] Realise what is happening, recognise what emotion you are feeling, refine your understanding of it, regulate your emotion that you now understand.
    • The other steps in this section are also both techniques to regulate your emotions healthily. Journaling and mindfulness see benefits you wouldn't even begin to imagine without trying them properly.
Method 5
Method 5 of 5:

Building Healthy Relationships and Empathy

  1. Focus on what others have to say rather than immediately shifting the conversation back to yourself. Do not interrupt the speaker, allow them to face you and look them in the eyes, breaking eye contact about once every 5 seconds. Be sure to pick up on non-verbal cues and show them that you are listening. Listen without judging or jumping to conclusions, do not assume you know what is going to be said next. Do not impose your opinion, lending a supportive ear is often what people need rather than always a debate. [22]
    • Ask questions. Be interested in what the other person is saying by asking relevant questions. If you're not sure you understood correctly; say "did you mean that-" or "I'm not sure I understood what you were saying about-"
    • Paraphrase and summarise. This may feel awkward, but shows that you were truly listening (and you need to have been to do this). If you're not sure how to do this start by saying "so it sounds like you were saying-"
  2. Identify the emotion the other person might be feeling verbally "I understand you are angry". This can be hard if their communication hasn't been the clearest, but allow them to correct you if you have misunderstood. Ask them what it is that is making them feel that way, although they may not always be able to have this introspect themselves, so give them time.
    • Practise phrases that validate the emotions of others such as:
      • "I can see how you would feel that way."
      • "That must be really hard."
      • "I feel the same way."
      • "How frustrating!"
      • "I bet you're frustrated."
      • "I'm here for you." [23]
  3. Don't shift conversations into discussions of your own experiences all the time, instead ask people questions and practise sincerely complimenting or showing people empathy. Encourage others to share their thoughts rather than using them as fuel for your own self image.
    • Make sure to listen to people and share your experiences when the conversation calls for it, allowing it to be at an equal balance.
  4. What exactly does vulnerability look like? It may be taking a chance that may lead to rejection, talking about mistakes you made, sharing personal details you usually keep private or reconnecting with someone you have fallen out with.
    • Showing vulnerability actually increases your strength and by doing so, allows you to connect deeper with other people.
    • Be honest about your needs. Of course, don't be too demanding however if you need something, you need something. Make sure it isn't just a want or a demand.
  5. Think of people as plants. The more you water them, the more their connection with you grows. Allow yourself to sit back and listen, give people the things they need, ask them what they need to do so. Anticipating others needs before they have asked you is a great way to build a stronger connection with them.


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Tips

  • It is more often the case that men develop Narcissistic Personality Disorder. However, women can also develop it.[24]
  • You may have heard that narcissists will never think they are narcissists. Whilst this may be true for some, others have more insight into their behaviours. Having this insight is the first step to healing, and is a very positive thing, however shouldn't be the end goal. Realisation ≠ fixing the problem.

Warnings

  • If you have NPD and are having thoughts of suicide, get to an emergency room immediately or call emergency services. You deserve better than that.

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About this article

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Co-authored by:
Professional Counselor
This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University. This article has been viewed 423,615 times.
55 votes - 83%
Co-authors: 25
Updated: January 9, 2025
Views: 423,615
Article SummaryX

Dealing with someone with narcissistic personality disorder can be really difficult. Narcissists are self-absorbed, manipulative, and have little to no empathy for others. Although this isn’t their fault, it means they often abuse people around them. If you have to interact with a narcissist, try to be polite and kind, like you would to any other person. Just don’t expect it back. Avoid confrontation with a narcissist at all costs, since their ego will always override their sense of rationality. Don’t share your emotions or personal life with them. They won’t care and they might even use it against you in the future. The more you understand about narcissistic personality disorder, the more you can avoid falling into their traps. For more tips from our co-author, including how to help the child of a narcissistic parent, read on.

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Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 423,615 times.

Reader Success Stories

  • Margie Payne

    Margie Payne

    Aug 27, 2016

    "I've lived with a husband with NPD for 27 years. I think I knew the answer was to basically let him have his..." more

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