I had sex with my teacher and now she’s pregnant — but I’m not ready to be a teenage dad

Dear Deidre

I HAD such brilliant sex with my chemistry teacher I ended up moving in with her when I got into uni, thanks to her coaching.

But she’s now pregnant and I’m not ready to be a dad.

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I’m 19 and in my first year at uni.

She is ten years older than me but she isn’t bad looking at all and I always knew that she fancied me rotten.

It all kicked off between us last May when my A-levels were approaching.

I’m good at physics and biology but I really struggled with chemistry though I knew that I needed to get a good grade.

I don’t normally go for older women but I thought it was worth making the effort with her for the sake of my future career.

I waited to talk to her after the lesson and I had my sob story ready.

I said I was doing my best with the subject but I knew I was going to fail my exam.

It worked like a charm.

I always knew that she fancied me rotten

She asked me back to her place that night and she coached me for two solid hours.

We stopped for a drink and I gave her a kiss.

Soon we were snuggled up close in her bed and she showed me how to give her (and myself) a good time.

We soon got into a regular thing of me going to her flat two or three times a week.

We’d work first and then we’d have sex.

My chemistry mark was the best in the year and the sex got quite special as well.

I found myself falling for her.

I moved in with her after my A-levels and I’m now at veterinary college, like I’d always dreamed.

Life was all going to plan but now she’s told me the news that she’s pregnant.

That’s not what I want. I’m too young for all of this!

DEIDRE SAYS: She was breaking the law having sex with you while she was your teacher.

However, you’re not too young to know how a baby gets made or to take your share of responsibility for using protection.

She is at the age most women think of starting a family but how much do you care about her? Enough to be a good partner and dad?

Whether or not she goes ahead with the pregnancy is solely her choice but it’s time to be totally honest with her so she knows where she stands.

Once you’re a dad you just can’t walk away from your child.

Legally you have to help provide for them and morally you should make them feel loved and wanted.

Show her my e-leaflet Unplanned Pregnancy? which details all options. Whatever the outcome, you’re still young and fit with a future ahead.

Babies do change lives but it isn’t all bad.

Sacked because I needed IVF help

Dear Deidre

I WAS sacked from my job after taking time off for IVF treatment. I feel sure that the stress of the sacking was one of the reasons the IVF failed.

I’m 37 and my husband is 40. We have been trying for a baby for five years.

We are allowed two IVF attempts on the NHS, two attempts to fulfil my dreams.

The first attempt failed. I was working in a call-centre and had to ask for days off at short notice for essential scans, blood tests, egg removal and implantation.

They knew what it was for and said I had their support.

Then when I asked for the fourth and final day off they just sacked me.

They said I couldn’t hold down a job and have IVF. Surely they shouldn’t have done that?

DEIDRE SAYS: Once implantation has taken place, you’re regarded as pregnant, with all the rights that entails. It sounds like they sacked you before implantation. The cynic might think that’s why they sacked you just then.

Contact Acas about your rights (acas.org.uk, 0300 123 1100). Get a factsheet on employment issues from Infertility Network UK (infertilitynetworkuk.com, 0121 323 5025).

Cheating sis now has her ideal man

Dear Deidre

MY husband had an affair with my older sister and it nearly broke up my marriage.

Now my sister has found Mr Right and I’m angry that she got the fairytale ending and I got the grief.

My husband was working on a construction contract 50 miles away from home, in the same town as my sister.

She said he could stay overnight at hers in the week. She was 28 and single. My husband and I were both 26.

I found out about the affair and I was devastated.

We had two little boys and a third child on the way so I gave my husband another chance.

That was two years ago now and I haven’t forgiven him.

Now my sister has found a lovely man who adores her – while I’m left with a marriage in shreds.

DEIDRE SAYS: I do understand how resentful you feel.

You’ve been massively hurt and it must seem unfair.

Forget about her though. What matters most is your marriage. You can’t just forgive and forget and move on. Has your husband shown you how sorry he is?

My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over it? can help. And talk to Relate (0300 100 1234 relate.org.uk).

My ex is out of prison next week and I fear he's going to kill me

Dear Deidre

MY ex got two years for sexually assaulting me.

He’s out of prison next week and I fear he’s going to kill me.

I never got any help to deal with what happened.

I hit the bottle and lost my job, but I’ve gradually got my life back.

Now I keep having flashbacks.

I’m on anxiety pills and the doctor says I’m suffering from post-traumatic stress.

I feel like my head is going to explode and that I’ve let him win all over again.

I want my three little girls to live a normal life but I’m scared to leave the house.

I’m 31 and he’s 36.

DEIDRE SAYS: You haven’t let anyone down.

He did the damage not you.

Don’t blame yourself.

Contact Rape Crisis for support (rapecrisis.org.uk, 0808 802 9999).

Ask your doctor for a referral for your post-traumatic stress.

Tell the police about the threats.

Contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247) or see womensaid.org.uk.

Whenever I want to have sex she rejects me and shoves me away

Dear Deidre

MY girlfriend messages other guys saying she’s single and wants to have sex, so why won’t she sleep with me?

We’ve been going out for six months but we’ve only got physical twice.

Whenever I want to have sex she rejects me and shoves me away.

I’m 25 and she’s 22.

She says that she loves me and is physically attracted to me but I’ve got big doubts about that.

I looked at her phone and saw she had contacted her ex saying she loves him and wants to be with him.

I don’t believe what she says any more.

Is this relationship dead or is there a way for me to trust her again?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’d say it’s dead in the water. Judge her by her actions not words.

Why is she staying with you? Perhaps she’s afraid of getting too close to a man.

Whatever her reasons they’re really her problem not yours and you can’t hang around to get hurt. It’s hard but you have to move on.

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