Do schools and teachers — and society as a whole — favor more outgoing children? Do quiet teenagers get lost in the shuffle, misunderstood or underappreciated?
How do you see yourself: Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert?
In “Is Your Teen’s Introversion a Problem for Your Teen — or for You?,” KJ Dell’Antonia writes:
When Cali Yost was a teenager, she loved having a busy social life. But her teenage daughter Maddie is different. Even in elementary school, she loved her friends, but sometimes turned down invitations to their homes.
“I would have chosen a playdate every day,” said Ms. Yost, a Madison, N.J., workplace consultant. For this outgoing parent, it’s been a challenge to accept that her child, now 15, still has less interest in the kind of busy social life she herself craved.
As many as one-third or half of all people are introverts, and that includes teenagers, says Susan Cain, whose new book, “Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts,” focuses on the challenges that introverts face during their middle-school and high school years.
“There’s such an expectation that teenagers will embrace this natural rhythm of going from one thing to another,” and will be at their happiest when surrounded by other teens, said Ms. Cain.
Parents worry when teenagers don’t fit that mold, and schools and teachers often still favor the more outgoing child, said Ms. Cain, author of the 2102 best seller “Quiet.”
Children who match what she calls the “extroverted ideal” (charismatic, talkative, always surrounded by friends) are more readily seen as happy and successful, even within their own families. It’s much harder for parents like Ms. Yost to know whether a quieter child is making her own choice to be alone or if she is feeling excluded.
“I hear from extroverted parents all the time,” Ms. Cain said. “They derive so much pleasure from being in the mix socially that it’s hard for them to really understand a child who would rather stay home.”
Even parents who share a child’s quieter characteristics aren’t immune from worry, she said.
“For introverted parents, it’s easy to understand and relate to an introverted child’s needs and preferences,” Ms. Cain said. “But if we have a lingering discomfort or sense of shame about our own introversion, we tend to assume it’s going to be that way for our teen.”
Both kinds of parents, she said, need to check their own mental outlook. “Do you see your teen’s personality as wonderful, or as a detriment that you have to overcome?” Parents who appreciate a teen’s quieter temperament can help him to embrace it and at the same time encourage him to push past the reluctance or even fear that sometimes accompanies introversion if it’s limiting his opportunities. But knowing when to push, and when to back off, is a challenge.
Students: Read the entire article, then tell us …
— How do you consider yourself: Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Would your family and friends agree? Why?
— Do you have a different personality when you are with different groups of people? Explain.
— What benefits do you think each temperament might have? Why?
— Do you agree with the author Susan Cain that there exists an “extroverted ideal” in our society? Are charismatic, talkative teenagers who are always surrounded by friends more readily seen as happy and successful?
— Do agree with Ms. Cain’s advice for parents of an introverted child: Appreciate a teen’s quieter temperament and help him or her to embrace it, while at the same time encouraging him or her to push past the reluctance or even fear that sometimes accompanies introversion if it’s limiting opportunities? What’s your advice for parents?
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