Though experts argue whether or not ‘love at first sight’ actually exists, there may be love after 45 minutes.
Recently, YouTube channel AsapSCIENCE tested out a theory that a couple of complete strangers can fall in love after asking each other a series of 36 questions.
The video was a take on psychologist Arthur Aron’s 1997 paper “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness.” One of his studies focused on developing closeness between a pair of people with a list of 36 questions designed to slowly build and establish intimacy.
The original study lasted roughly 45 minutes, including a four minute section where the two people — in pairs of men and women or women and women — stared into each others eyes. Though the original purpose of the study wasn’t for the participants to fall in love, but merely feel closer to one another, one couple did later marry after meeting during the experiment.
So AsapSCIENCE creators Mitchell Moffit and Gregory Brown set out to see if it would happen again, this time with strangers 24-year-old Cam and 22-year-old Emily.
“I’m nervous,” Cam said at the start of the video. Emily was excited to see if it could actually work.
The pair started out with the first section of 36 questions, which are mainly light-hearted. Emily admits she would have Clint Eastwood as a dinner guest while Cam says he’d want to be famous, though a minor “D-list [celebrity].”
But the questions progressively got more and more intense as the experiment went on: What’s your most terrible memory? What roles do love and affection play in your life? Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing?
They also both admitted they found the other person attractive.
Cam and Emily ended by staring into one another’s eyes for four minutes. There were plenty of awkward smiles.
“It was interesting getting to know a lot about you because a lot of those questions aren’t necessarily stuff you would say right away or even sometimes ever,” Cam said.
After it was all said and done, they admitted they would like to see each other again after this, and even kissed briefly. AsapSCIENCE said they’ve since gone on two dates.
This is not the first time the nearly 20-year-old study has resurfaced. Back in January, Mandy Len Catron wrote a New York Times article trying the experiment with a university acquaintance.
"The questions reminded me of the infamous boiling frog experiment in which the frog doesn’t feel the water getting hotter until it’s too late," she wrote. "With us, because the level of vulnerability increased gradually, I didn’t notice we had entered intimate territory until we were already there, a process that can typically take weeks or months."
Catron said she fell in love with her partner, thought she admits that their relationship probably would have happened naturally anyway.
If you’re curious, the full list of 36 questions are below, and you can see more AsapSCIENCE videos on their YouTube channel.
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling ..."
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share ..."
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
