How to Make a Clean Comeback

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Last Updated: March 18, 2023

Do you hate it when people insult you and want to give them a nice, smooth comeback? Then forget the "your mom" and "your face" rants and follow these steps: ask them is that all you got?

Steps

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If you get angered when someone insults you, you somehow automatically lose your nerves. So listen carefully to their insult, and it'll come to you easier.
If you say something so complex and outrageous, no one will be impressed. Here's an example: say someone calls you fat. Don't say: "Well, I could use my belly to blow your skinny face into the ground." It just seems pathetic, trying to save face with humor. Instead, maybe try "Well it's better to be fat and happy rather than a stick like yourself."

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All comebacks should flow perfectly. Try to avoid stuttering as well.
Like someone says you're the stupidest person ever, you could say, "And why are you telling me this?" The only thing they could say after that is, "Cause you can't do anything good."
This will help you get a comeback, and can embarrass your opponent as well! for example, if they say that you are disgusting, you can say "look who's talking" back.
Maybe an even better comeback would be "I don't have time for immature viewpoints such as yours", then walk away. It leaves them in the dust. Be sure not to sound panicked like "Oh crap! Oh no, I don't have time for this!" Make it so you seem superior to them.
That shouldn't have to be explained any better.
If they say your clothes sucks don't talk trash about their clothes. You'll sound desperate to have a comeback. Say it gets you where you need to go.
If someone insults you, don't give up in the middle of your comeback. Example: "well, you're like...yeah...whatever!" Stay with it!

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Question

What if someone keeps saying, "Did your mom drop you on your head, is that why you're so ugly?"

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You can say, "If I was dropped on my head, then you were thrown out a window."

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What if they said I'm a noob?

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Say, "Yeah, you were too, or are shortcuts the only skill you know?" Then walk away and smile.

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What is a good comeback when someone told me to die in a fire?

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You can respond with "I would most likely go to hell, but with you here, I'm already there."

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Tips

Make a mental list of comebacks for different subjects. Like a comeback if someone calls you fat, make one up, then keep it in your mind. They say you're dumb? Think of a great comeback and put it in your brain.

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Don't use the "talk to the hand" or put your hand in their face. It looks pathetic and it shows that you're immature.

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Always act mature, even if you're really not. Especially when the other person is acting immature. If you act mature, they'll know that they can't upset you.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

If the insult involves brains, say, "It's too bad they don't give out awards for arrogance; you'd have a trophy case full," or "If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet." Flip the cleverness issue back onto them.
If you're really stuck in the moment, go with the classic "I don't have the time or patience for this" exit. State it flatly, then walk away without looking flustered. Losing your cool could end up making you seem way worse by comparison.
If someone calls you out for having no pals, don't freak out. Stay calm and say something like, "I'd rather have a couple of true friends than a ton of phonies." Focusing on trust over popularity makes you look confident.
When working on a comeback, make sure to keep in mind who you're talking to and what they actually said to you. A response that crushes it with one group might bomb with another. Pay attention to context clues.
If you find yourself struggling to think up a snappy comeback, subtly make fun of them instead. You could yawn, check your watch, or even inspect your nails. It'll make them feel bored rather than upset.
Never ever use a comeback you spotted on the first Google results page. Getting busted searching the web for "good comebacks" is ten times more embarrassing than whatever they originally threw at you.

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Warnings

Never try to explain your comeback if they don't get it, it will just ruin the moment.

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Don't brag about a good comeback to the person you used it on. This also ruins the moment.

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All of this insulting isn't good. But if you do get insulted, of course you need a comeback!

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