How to Be Comfortable Around That Special Someone

Co-authored by Maria Avgitidis

Last Updated: August 28, 2022 Approved

VIDEO

It is natural to feel a little nervous when you are around the person you like. This usually stems from your feelings for that person and wanting him/her to reciprocate those feelings. By being yourself and relaxing a little, you can make your interactions with your special someone feel more natural.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting Over Your Nerves

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1
Remind yourself that your special someone is probably nervous, too. Everyone feels nervous when they are around a crush, and that is okay! It is actually very common.
- Some people become skilled at acting confident, but inside, they are really nervous. Even if your crush is acting very cool and confident, he/she very well may be just as nervous about spending time with you as you are.
2
Consider that your crush finds your nervousness endearing. Every person is unique and is attracted to different things. While there are many people who are attracted to confident, outgoing individuals, there are also many people who find shy, nervous qualities attractive.
- Admitting that you feel nervous is perfectly fine, because it gives your special someone the opportunity to do the same. You might also want to include that you feel nervous for some positive reason, like that your crush looks very beautiful/handsome or that you like him/her. This reassures your crush that you are nervous for a good reason and not because you dislike him/her and do not know how to get out of the situation.
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3
Make light of an awkward situation. In the event that something embarrassing or awkward happens, like stuttering over your words or spilling a drink, ease the tension by making light of it. Crack a joke or be willing to laugh at yourself.
- If it is your special someone who does or says something awkward, be sure not to laugh at him/her for it. Smile and say something reassuring, such as, “It happens to the best of us” or “I did the exact same thing the other day! It's okay.”
4
Treat your special someone like a normal person. It is tempting for a lot of people to treat their crushes like people of huge importance or to put them up on a pedestal. However, taking a step back from that and reminding yourself that your crush is just a normal person will help you to calm down a bit.^{[1]
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- Be kind, generous, and polite to your special someone, but there is no need to worship the ground on which he/she walks. Treating your crush like a higher being only puts unnecessary pressure on yourself to act in a certain way at all times.
This might be easier said than done, but the more you try to force yourself to act a certain way, the more noticeable and fake it seems.^{[2]
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Research source} Take a few deep breaths, and be yourself. Your special someone will interpret your behavior as candid and unique instead of fake and unnatural, and then he/she will be encouraged to do the same.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Being Yourself Around Your Special Someone

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1
Display your real personality. One of the biggest misconceptions many people have is that they need to pretend to be someone they are not in order to get someone to like them. Be yourself around your crush, and he/she will appreciate you for who you are.
- Show your special someone your true personality by sharing your interests and hobbies, sharing jokes that you think are funny, sharing what type of music you like, and acting in a way that feels comfortable for you.
- Never apologize for who you are! If your crush does not understand or appreciate your personality, then you need to consider whether you should continue to romantically pursue this person.
2
Build a friendship with your special someone. A great way to start feeling more comfortable around your crush is be friends with him/her first. While you take time to get to know him/her better, focus on building up that friendship and trust between the two of you. Then, you will feel calmer and more comfortable around your crush.
- You could even try behaving around your special someone the way that you do around your friends. Treating him/her like a friend, and thinking of your crush as friend, might help you to feel more comfortable.
3
Have confidence in your appearance. Girls in particular struggle with this. There is often a feeling of always needing to look perfect when around your special someone. However, displaying confidence even when you do not look your best helps you to relax around him/her.^{[3]
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Research source}
- Wear clothing that feels comfortable to you. You do not always have to dress to impress; wearing jeans and a t-shirt or even sweatpants, if you are hanging out at home, is perfectly acceptable. If you are going on a date with your special someone, know where you are going or at least get an idea of what appropriate attire is. Dressing appropriately but comfortably will boost your confidence.^{[4]
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  Research source}
- Having good hygiene habits also helps with comfort and confidence. Be sure to take care of your personal hygiene at all times.
4
Accept yourself for who you are. Many people cite that the most attractive quality of a person is the ability to be confident about who you are.^{[5]
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Research source} Know your flaws but be accepting of them, because this will help you be more relaxed around everyone, especially your crush.
- Be kind and forgiving to yourself when you do or say something silly. Chances are that your crush will find it cute and endearing, and it will not be a big deal unless you make it one.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Getting to Know Your Special Someone

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1
Spend more quality time with your special someone.^{[6]
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Research source} One of the easiest ways to become more comfortable with someone is to simply make plans to spend more time with him/her. You can invite your special someone to hang out one-on-one, or you can plan a group activity where many people will be present, including your special someone.
- The more you spend time with someone, the less nervous you'll feel.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Maria Avgitidis
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
2
Ask your special someone open-ended questions.^{[8]
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Research source} Open-ended questions are ones in which the answer is detailed, more than a simple “yes” or “no.” Learning more about your crush will help you find things that you have in common and will help relax you.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- “What is your favorite thing to do when you have some free time?”
- “What is your favorite memory from your childhood?”
- “Where is the coolest place you've ever been?”
- “What is your favorite thing about your family?”
- “What is your favorite genre of music?”
- “Where is your favorite place to hang out?”
- “If money were no object, what would you do with your life? Why?”
- “If you could be an animal, which one would you be? Why?”
- “If you could go on a vacation to anywhere in the world, where would you go? Why?”
- “Have you traveled much? Where have you gone?”
- “What is your favorite hobby?”
- “What is the craziest thing you've ever eaten?”
3
Answer questions about yourself honestly. It is really important to be honest about yourself, because pretending to be someone you are not will eventually backfire. Your special someone will find out the truth at some point, and your chance at a relationship with him/her will likely disappear.
- Being honest builds trust between the two of you. Think about how you would feel if you discovered that your crush lied to you.
4
Suggest activities to do that you both enjoy. As you hang out or go on dates with your special someone, you should make a point of suggesting activities in which you both have an interest and will enjoy. If any awkward silences come up during the activity, you will have something enjoyable to break the ice.
- Hang out in a group with mutual friends.
- Go see a live band or to a concert.
- Play board or video games that you both know.
- Have a movie marathon with movies you both like.

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Tips

Always be nice to your special someone. It goes a long way in building trust and comfort, and it gives your relationship a positive foundation. Even in instances where your crush does or says something embarrassing, handle it in a friendly way without humiliating him/her. Showing that respect will reap its rewards!

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Don't take your crush too seriously, and tease her in a lighthearted manner by showing your excellent sense of humor.

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Warnings

Do not pursue a relationship with someone who might try to pressure you into doing things that you do not want to do. Putting yourself in this situation could put you in an unsafe and scary position.

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