Work Text:
Wednesday, 4:06pm
They sit at the same table as usual.
The doctor on one side of the table, the two women on the other.
They're here to do what they do every week. Complaining and listening. Pia and Natalia complain. The doctor listens.
Today the doctor drinks a tea, as usual. Pia sips her coffee and Natalia has ordered a gin tonic. At this time? She must have a lot to complain today.
The Doctor: „Let us start I see Nat has a lot to tell."
Nat: „I won't say I hate him because that would be a lie but I am so angry at the time."
Pia: „What happened?"
The Doctor: „As I'm the therapist that is my question."
Nat: „Could I just complain?"
Pia & The Doctor: „Okay. Go on."
Nat: „Well you know Sherlock and John have this thing..."
Pia: „You didn't catch them while making out did you?"
The Doctor: „Please, Pia, you're not twelve years old anymore."
Nat: „No, I didn't cath them while making out nothing this way round. But..."
Pia: „Oh my... he left you because he does not really know if he's gay or not?"
The Doctor & Nat: „Pia!"
The Doctor: „Please, Nat, just tell us."
Nat: „So as I told you John is going to marry in a few weeks and he wants Sherlock to be his best man."
The Doctor: „I don't see the problem."
Pia: „Me neither, that's wonderful... is it?"
Nat: „Yes, but Sherlock has to write his best man speech and he's going totally crazy under the pressure. We haven't had sex the whole week and he's hardly talking to me."
The Doctor: „I thought this with the talking was kinda natural."
Nat: „Not this way. Everytime I am trying to talk to him he is like: 'Not now I am writing.' And I am telling you if I hear this sentence one more time I'll kill him. Or worse I'll call Moriarty to kill him!"
Pia: „Really? You haven't had sex in a week? This is really bad!"
The Doctor: „Maybe you should tell John?"
Nat: „Tell him what? 'I'm sorry, John, but Sherlock and I haven't had sex in a week would you please talk to him?"
The Doctor: „Well I don't really know what you tell John. I mean Pia tells Sam everything."
Pia: „There is a big difference between John and Sam, at least I can say that from what she tells me about John."
The Doctor: „We shouldn't change the subject now."
Nat: „No, we shouldn't I am bloody serious all I want is sex in a hot shower and my boyfriend talking to me."
The Doctor blushes a bit.
Nat: „Did you just blush?"
The Doctor: „No."
Pia laughs and almost spills her coffee over the table.
Pia: „You blushed because she said everything she wants is sex? You're no virgin, are you?"
The Doctor: „It's unbelievable how cildish you are."
Nat: „Would you please concentrate on me? You're my therapist, Doctor, so what can you tell me about this?"
The Doctor: „Well, I'd say you should talk to Sherlock, but that seems like not to happen, so... Okay screw that! Just call him."
Nat: „Now?"
Pia: „Things are getting funny."
The Doctor: „Pia, shut up... please."
Pia: „I forgive you because you said please. Now, Nat, do me a favour and call your boyfriend. I am dying of boredom."
Nat takes out her mobile and The Doctor and Pia watch closely, while Nat calls Sherlock.
Pia: „Oh please, turn on the speakers."
Nat: „Are you serious?"
Pia: „Please."
Nat turns on the speakers.
Sherlock: „Sherlock Holmes?"
Nat: „Sherlock we have to talk!"
Sherlock: „Not now I'm..."
Nat: „Don't you dare finishing that sentence, Mr. Holmes."
Pia whispers to The Doctor: „He really says that!"
The Doctor: „Shush, I must hear that conversation."
Pia: „You love gossip, don't you?"
The Doctor: „This is for her therapy."
Pia rolls her eyes: „Of course."
The Doctor: „Shush!"
Nat: „Sherlock you're driving me crazy and you haven't even written one single word. Instead of not talking and being up for days you and I could have sex in a hot shower while discussing your speech!"
Some people in the Cafe start watching because Nat is not talking very quiet.
Nat: „And I swear to god if we don't have sex before Johns wedding I will leave you and have a serious talk with Mycroft, do you want that?"
More and more people start watching.
Sherlock: „You're not really considering talking to Mycroft about our sex life?"
Nat: „Is that the only thing you have to say to that?"
The Doctor: „Nat you're not talking very quiet. Half the cafe watches."
Pia: „Psshh I want to hear that."
Sherlock: „I have to write this speech, dear, and it's like the hardest thing I've ever done. I am sorry, but..."
Nat: „Okay it's enough. That must have hurt."
Sherlock: „What?"
Nat: „You said you're sorry. That must have hurt."
Sherlock: „It did."
Nat: „Wonderful, prepare the shower before I come home."
She hangs up.
The Doctor: „Better?"
Nat: „A lot. Unbelievable, you're a great therapist."
The Doctor: „People keep telling me."
Pia: „So, now it's my turn."
The Doctor: „God, you're so selfish."
Pia smirks in a very 'I love myself more than I could ever love any other thing of the world' kind of way: „I know. Now, listen!"
Nat: „Yes, tell us."
The Doctor: „Please."
Pia: „Well Dean is hunting again, but he's gonna be back by tomorrow afternoon and I want to make dinner for him and Sam but as you both know I'm terrible at cooking I need some advise."
The Doctor: „Really? This is why you go to therapy? You don't need therapy!"
Pia: „We meet in a cafe so it isn't a real therapy and as my therapist keeps insulting me you're not even a real therapist, besides you don't get paid, because you don't want to. You're everything I need when I need it and Nat is my bestie so I ask you to help me cook something very delicious for my boyfriend and his brother."
The conversation takes a boring way down to cooking until Nat and The Doctor helped selfish little Pia to find a menu that won't burn down anything and is so easy to cook that even The Doctor could think of tasting her food again.
The hour passes by quickly.
The Doctor: „See you next week then."
Pia winks: „I hope so."
Nat: „Dean would be so jealous right now."
Pia: „Dean is hunting with his brother and he didn't call me today so he has not the right to be anything."
Nat sighs: „Well don't call me this evening, I'll be busy."
Pia: „Promised."
They laugh and The Doctor rolls his eyes at how childish they are for two women in the mid twenties.
The Doctor, Nat & Pia: „Goodbye."