How to Cuddle

Co-authored by Imad Jbara

Last Updated: February 15, 2024 Fact Checked

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Cuddling is one of the best means of physical affection; it garners closeness, shows affection, and increases happiness. Cuddling releases a hormone called oxytocin which reduces stress and anxiety, meaning that it increases your mental well being as well. If you've strayed away from cuddling or aren't sure what the best moves to use are, worry no more! Cuddling is easy and fun with a little know-how.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Starting to Cuddle

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Start slow. Maybe your partner has been clear that they want to cuddle, or maybe you’re taking the initiative to start your snuggling. Regardless, it is best to start slow.^{[1]
X
Research source} Don’t jump into cuddling - literally, don’t jump on them, no matter how impatient you are. Place a hand on their shoulder, back, or on their waist to show your intent. Rest it there for a few minutes or give a light rub.
- Make sure that your intentions for cuddling are clear. You can place a hand on their shoulder, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you want to cuddle with the person. Caress their arm instead to make sure they understand what you are leading into.
- Remember that cuddling is often a stand-alone activity, and doesn’t necessarily translate into foreplay.^{[2]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  
  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  
  Go to source} Start slow and work till you're comfortable, not with the intention of progressing things past the cuddle stage.
- It's really important to be open and upfront about what you want with your partner.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Imad Jbara
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
So you’ve done the basics, and are ready to proceed into real cuddling. Before you make the transition though, keep in mind important environmental factors. Is it hot out? Because you might have to limit the amount of physical contact you have in order to avoid turning into a swamp monster. Are you on a couch or a bed? Or something else entirely? The amount of space you have to sprawl will change the cuddling positions you can perform.^{[4]
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You’re about to be held down in a hug for quite some time, so make sure that you’re comfortable first. If you plan on doing some long-term cuddling during a movie or before bed, change into comfortable clothes or grab a cozy blanket. Although you might be resting on the other person, having a pillow present might be a good idea too.
The PG kind; rub your partner's back, legs, or arms in a sensitive and endearing fashion. This may or may not be the same as light massage. The goal here is to make the other person comfortable and interested in further cuddling with you. When you have transitioned into true “cuddling,” you may choose to continue the light rubbing to prolong the positive feelings you both get from it.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Cuddling Like a Professional

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Go with the classic, and spoon. The most traditional of all cuddling positions, spooning is popular for a reason: it’s great! Spooning consists of a “big” and “little” spoon, where both partners lay on their sides tucked into each other. The big spoon is the one in the back, and often drapes their arm over the torso of the little spoon.^{[5]
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- Be aware of your heads. Because your heads are nearly even with each other, it is best to stagger them a bit. The big spoon can rest their head on the shoulder of the little spoon, or prop it up on an arm.
- Keep heat in mind. Spooning is one of the greatest heat-generating cuddling positions, because there is so much of physical contact. The big spoon may have to hold off wrapping their arm around the little spoon or move their legs back a bit to avoid creating a sweat pool.^{[6]
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Nearly as classic as a complete spoon, the half-spoon is accomplished with one person laying on their back and the other facing them, laying on their side. The person on their side will likely rest their head on the other’s chest. Intertwine your legs for an even more intimate cuddling session.
Best for cuddling in tight spaces, layer your cuddling by having the larger person lay face up. The second person can then rest face-down directly over the bottom half. To avoid suffocation of the lower stack, the top person should stagger their body slightly downwards, so that they can turn their head to the side and rest it on the bottom half’s chest.
One of the most romantic cuddling positions is when you lie towards each other face-to-face. You may lie on your stomachs and turn your heads to the side, or lay on your sides - whatever works best. Increase the romantic feelings swirling around the room by holding hands in the space between your bodies.^{[7]
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You know, you and your partner are out camping or watching a meteor shower, and therefore want to cuddle but both need to see the sky. Lay on your backs next to each other and wrap your legs together. If you don’t mind a dead arm, one of you can slip their arm under the neck of the other person in a half-embrace. You can also hold hands over your torsos or in the space between your bodies. Contrary to the name, this can be done under any circumstance, not just when stargazing.
This cuddling move is great for when you want to talk and makes maintaining eye contact easier. Have one person sit up, while the other lays down perpendicularly to them with their head resting in their lap. This gives the person sitting up a great opportunity to play with their partner's hair or sweetly stroke their face.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Experimenting with Cuddling

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There are few feelings so sweet and nice as when someone plays with your hair. Gender doesn’t matter, simply run your hands through your partner’s hair while you cuddle. This may or may not be a variation of a scalp massage crossed with a finger hairbrush. Playing with your partner’s hair is a certain way of making them happy and comfortable.
Do a little kissing. Kiss your partner in a sentimental fashion, not in preparation for making out. Plant little kisses on their forehead, arms, or hands to show that you love and care for them. This move is sure to leave them swooning and happy to be wrapped up with you.
Practice some massage. Everyone loves a good massage, right? Show your partner some love by gently massaging the areas nearest to you.^{[8]
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Research source} This will likely be their back, shoulders, or arms. If you don’t want to do any massaging, just rub them back and forth with your hands.
Lightly stroke their body with your fingertips. Run your hands down their torso, along their legs, or along their arms. This is easiest to do from a spoon or half-spoon position, but can accomplished in any cuddling form.
Softly tickle them. Gently tickling your partner will have them squirming and giggling closer to you in no time. Be careful not to take the tickling too far; do it only long enough to show that you’re flirting and that you want them closer to you.^{[9]
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Will it work out well if I take the girl home on the first date?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

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Your date may not last for a year if you take the girl home on the first date. Statistics show that less than ten percent of the partners who have sex within three dates continue dating for a year.

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How can I choose an appropriate location for a date?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

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Think of a public space where you can be at your best. Then suggest it to your partner and ask her if it is suitable for her.

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Can I kiss a girl on my first date?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

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You should wait for at least three dates before kissing a girl. You need to have more information about each other before kissing.

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Tips

Some people are more receptive to affection than others. If the person doesn't cuddle back, either they don't want to cuddle with you or they're just not very comfortable with physical affection.^{[10]
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Remember some people don't know how to cuddle. Start off slow so you don't freak them out.

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Relax. Your body should be loose and not tense when you cuddle.

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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

If your partner is crying, cuddle face-to-face and let them cry in your arms — rub their back and reassure them.
Practice cuddling techniques with a pillow first if you're unsure what to do.
Some people dislike having their hair played with, so check before doing it.
Putting your arm around your partner's back makes them feel safe and secure.
Don't overdo tickling — even if they laugh, they may not want too much.
When stroking or rubbing your partner, go slowly rather than too fast.

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