1.A mother to her tween son: "Shut the fuck up, Dumbledore's speaking."
2.Wife to her husband: "If we ever meet Gary Oldman, I'm playing the three-way card."
3.College student: "What spell do you use so none of your dorm mates hear you masturbate furiously?"
4.Mid-twenties woman to her friend: "I would transfigure that into a dildo."
5.American dude-bro: "Of course Snape was breaking bad; look at all this weird shit in jars. At least 39% of this has to be drugs."
6.Polite British aunt: "I can't get on that broomstick in front of my nieces."
7.Australian twentysomething: "How many babies are abandoned on the Knight Bus every year, you think?"
8.A true Slytherin: "There's not nearly enough murder on this tour."
9.Scottish father to his teenage daughter: "I'm not saying it's a good idea to drink and fly a broomstick, I'm just saying Viktor Krum has definitely done it."
10.Two grandmothers: "That Alan Rickman, I'm telling you he could take a good wallop. As long as I was the one giving it out of course."
11.Newlyweds: "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU'D WANT OUR KID TO BE A HUFFLEPUFF."
12.Philosophy major (I'm assuming): "The beauty and surrealness of magic only makes our own fatalistic urges to conquer mortality starker, more desperate, that much bigger of a failure."
13.WOC: "I fucking love Harry Potter but everything about this place is too white. Hermione should have been black; she was already ostracized for blood status."
14.Different American dude-bro (in tears): "I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE FACT THAT DOBBY DIES. NEVER."
15.A gaggle of moms practicing wand maneuvers in a mirror: "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH."
16.A pair of twentysomething BFFs: "If anyone can exemplify the difference between having a cunt and BEING a cunt, it's Dolores Umbridge."
17.Yet another American dude-bro: "Nah man, Voldemort's nose went huntin fo da pussy!"
